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Self-Esteem Issues

Every time I see or hear a perfectly normal looking girl complain that she’s ugly or that she’s fat, it seriously pisses me off.

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Are you so incredibly shallow that all you can fuss about is how many inches your ridiculously average thighs and arms have gained?

I suppose I can try to empathize with girls who are genuinely unpleasant looking or obese girls crying over their fate…

But when I see NORMAL, average girls whining to viewers on a PUBLIC PLATFORM when there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them (besides zero self-esteem) it pisses me off because it’s such an insult to people with actual eating disorders or people who are actually struggling to deal with unhealthy weights. (no matter thin or fat)

Or people born with deformities!!!

How many people dealing with self-esteem issues are going to look at their blogs and feel even worse about themselves?

It’s like they look up to you because they think you’re smart / pretty / hot and whatever, and then you crush not only your self-esteem but theirs as well when you talk about how “fugly” you look.

Stop bitching about your insignificant non-existent problems and maybe start wondering about more pressing issues :

Like finding a cure to cancer, or you know, ask yourself… “Why do I have such shitty self-esteem and feel so awful about myself?!”

I know of one too many girls that like to bitch endlessly about how they regrettably ate so much when they’re supposedly on a “strict diet” and then start to freak out over their weight gain…

Obviously you do NOT think you’re fugly, you are just an attention-seeking hoe.

Who will believe you every time you call yourself “ugly” or “fat”, when you have big ass vain pictures of yourself plastered all over your website?!?

NOTHING says narcissism like multiple similar pictures of yourself pulling act chio faces at the camera.

Real people with real image problems don’t do that sort of thing, because they are honestly embarrassed about the situation.

Those who post vain pics of themselves with a caption along the lines of something like “I am so ugly / fat!!!” are just fishing for compliments and it’s sickening, because they expect readers to comfort them and go like,

“No, you are so pretty and sexy and don’t need to lose weight / get surgery!”

So they can feel better about themselves all over again. Pui!!!!

If you think you are so damn ugly, why don’t you just get plastic surgery already, or brush up on your make up skills!

Or if you’re so convinced that you’re FAT (which you’re probably not) then why don’t you get off your lazy ass and start exercising instead of boozing and binging away and then come back home to bitch on your blog or to your friends again.

I know this post sounds rather angsty but I know SO MANY PEOPLE who just whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine about their problems but never even bother to fix them!!!!

Your life will still be shitty at the end of the day anyway.

It’s like, “Oh, I’m broke….. But I’m still partying every other night, blowing money on cab fares and alcohol or buying ciggys to get lung cancer or shopping because I can’t resist temptation”

Yes, shut the fuck up pls!!!

You’re not broke, or fat, or any of the above – you are just SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.

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To all the girls suffering from self-esteem problems by feeling unnecessarily fat or ugly:

Stop comparing yourself to crazily beautiful girls. The truth is, some people just GOT IT… while others don’t.

One way I stopped feeling bad about myself was to stop reading magazines that had so many photoshopped images of the “ideal look”.

I know it’s in our nature to oggle at like supermodels once in awhile and go like, “Omg, I wish I had big eyes / tits like her!!”

But honestly? These models are PAID to look the way they are. It’s how they make a living. Their looks are their life.

Chances are, they probably maintain a very strict diet (no yummy junk food or anything), work out religiously in gym everyday, spend hours on hair and make up day in and day out… it’s extremely hard work.

Many even go under the knife to fix up their entire face or get fake boobies just to become more appealing!!!!

Unless you’re willing to go through all of that to look as gorgeous as them…

I’ll put it simply – You don’t have the rights to compare yourself to them.

When is it going to get into your heads that you’ll NEVER be pretty enough unless you’re pretty enough for you?

Even gorgeous models suffer from self-esteem issues, despite how gorgeous they look. Why? Because they never felt good enough!!!! There was always something they weren’t satisfied with.

Or you know, already gorgeous models would compare themselves to EVEN MORE GORGEOUS MODELS.

There will always be somebody better, hotter, smarter, richer, and luckier.

Why do you think so many models are suffering (or have died) from anorexia? Do you really want to become one of them?


Self-esteem is SO IMPORTANT,
especially to a girl because we happen to be a lot more sensitive (especially about our looks)… and all it takes is one degrading comment to shatter it all.

Trust me, I know what it’s like to feel incredibly insecure. Well I’ve grown out of feeling insecure now, but I definitely remember the days when I was harping over every apparent imperfection I had.

Now that I’m more confident of myself, it’s helped me become more optimistic and view my life in an entirely new way.

Shitty self-esteem can lead to so many problems in your life! Take relationship problems for example.

I know for a fact that guys hate it when girls always ask, “Does my ass look huge in this?” (I don’t ever ask this coz my ass is huge in anything I wear)

Or “Do I look fat in this dress”?!

He’s your boyfriend!!!! What is he going to say, even if you DID look horrid? If you ask him this question too often, it’s only a matter of time before he becomes uncomfortable and annoyed.

Self-confidence is sexy.

Normal guys prefer girls with a bit of meat on them, and they would definitely want somebody who’s not scared to death of a cheeseburger.

I’ve had some friends tell me before, “I’m so glad you’re not like those other girls who NEVER eat whenever we go out! Usually they would just order something pathetic, like a salad. Dunno what’s wrong with them…”

Low self-esteem can also cause you problems like lack of intimacy in your relationship, because you feel too unattractive to get it on and you’re always not in the mood.

Work, and relationship with friends can also become affected.

Just feeling like you’re not good enough to handle a job will already affect your performance for it. It’s a sub-conscious thing…

Being jealous of seemingly “hotter” and “better” friends can also hurt your relationships with them!

A little goes a long way when it comes to self-confidence…

If you feel good about yourself, you WILL achieve better.

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I received this question on my formspring 3 days ago:

“My bf told me that I should work out & be sexy for him. coz skinny girls are prettier. Jess, I am not fat. What should I do? I am so depressed.”


Ugh!!!!!!!

It reminds me of my stupid ex-boyfriend who was always telling me to go on a diet and that I’m too big sized. Yes, I may be tall and meaty, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was MIDGET-sized and so damn skinny!!!


Why should I try to make up for HIS imperfections?

And so I didn’t.

Eventually I dumped his sorry ass.. (I probably repeat this too often, but I’m particularly proud of breaking free)

Some times I feel like guys treat their girlfriends like trophies. Like, “We’re going out to a function with my family / friends tonight, so you’d better dress up nicely for me!”

Why, cuz if I look a little less than pretty, you’d feel embarrassed to be with me?

FUCK THAT SHIT!

If I EVER decide to dress up and look good, it will be for me, myself and I – nobody else. Why should I have to look pretty for you?

You should be proud of your girlfriends at all times – doesn’t matter if she’s in sweats or in a glamorous dress.

He got into a relationship with you, and so he should accept you for exactly who you are.

“Not skinny enough” is NOT a reason to tell your girlfriend that she’s not good enough and has to change herself!!!

If he wants a “skinny pretty girl” then by all means, he should go ahead and find someone else who’s skinny enough for him, why the hell is he trying to change you to suit his preferences?!

It’s like walking into McDonalds and demanding to be served a steak.

No fucking steaks here, if you don’t like Big Macs then get the fuck out!!!!!!

I hate it when guys put their girl friends down and make them feel horrid about themselves.

If anything, a girl should receive utmost support from her boyfriend because if he doesn’t think she’s beautiful.. she’ll feel like nobody else does either.

And you know what else I’ve noticed?

The girl is ALWAYS hotter than the guy in most relationships!!! WTF. And the stupid guy still dares to ask her to “be hotter”

To the person who left me that formspring comment:

Good on ya for knowing that you’re not fat and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Knowing that the problem lies with HIM, and not you, is half the battle won already.

Now, what you really need to do is to tell that guy to shut up or get the hell out of your life. Yes, you may be in a relationship and everything, but a guy like that is not worth keeping.

We all deserve a guy who will look her in the eyes and tells her just how beautiful she really is.


Girls, don’t ever let your boyfriend put you down!!!!

Never let a man think that he’s better than you because he will step all over you eventually, no matter how good natured he is. It’s just a male dominance thing.

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I’m sure a lot of you know exactly what I am talking about.

Maybe you are not suffering from self-esteem issues, but everyone knows SOMEBODY they care about who is.

It doesn’t have to be just about looks – it could be not being “good enough” for their partners, their parents, their friends, at work or just not feeling good enough about themselves in general.

The next time someone I give a shit about talks to me about their self-destructive thoughts or behaviour, I’ll be sure to give them one hell of a wake up call.

And because a large amount of my blog readers are young adults who are mostly female, I’ll repeat this again…

As long as your weight is acceptable and normal (calculate your BMI) there is nothing wrong with you.

And beauty is subjective…

The only thing wrong with you is your self-obsession and silly chase after perfection, when it’s not even necessary.

There is the normal kind of need for improvement in life… take that, add compulsive obsessive behaviour and you get unnecessarily shitty self-esteem.

I know that at this day and age, it’s hard to feel like you’re ever good enough. The media is always feeding us crazy images of the ideal looks, status and in general… the idea life.

In whatever we do, competition is always crazy high and people who don’t care about you won’t hesitate to bring you down.

Life seems to kick us in the nuts all the time when we’re already down….

And the list goes on.

But that’s no reason to stop treating yourself right. (and it’s an even sillier reason to burden the people who care about you with!!!)

How does a person start feeling good about themselves?

It’s very simple - Instead of focusing on your flaws, embrace your attributes.

Everyone is good at something. We just gotta find out what that is..

Do something about it before it consumes you.

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Every girl DESERVES to feel beautiful, no matter how “flawed” she is.

All she needs is somebody to believe in that, before she will.

xoxo,
Jess

Never good enough

“If you were in a fire, and you could only take one item in your room with you.. which one would it be?”

A random question in casual conversation that resulted in unexpected soul-searching.

…..My answer?

I’d bring along this box that I like to call my “treasure box”

It’s a pink Barbie box I’ve had since I was a little girl… It was so precious to me that I decided to keep only important things inside this special box of mine.

Which is why in case of a fire, I’d definitely save my box of memories.

Inside are old photographs…

Of people who were once a huge part of my life that I’ll never see again

No prizes for guessing which one’s me!

Ticket stubs to remember my fun days out

Dates with ex-boyfriends and old friends…

Evidence of the mischief I used to get up to

I never attended any… and I had a lot more cards than this :P

I got my very first legitimate job when I was 15!! As a promoter at International Sight and Sound exhibition… and I got my very own pass woohoo

My primary 1 student pass. Wow I was a retard back then. No wonder my crush never liked me back LOL.

My very first present from my first boyfriend.

He promised me flowers, but he said he couldn’t find any flowers and he gave me this keychain instead. Looks like 50 cents keychain but I was 13 years old and happy with it, LOL.

Awww…. who knew I was so cute back then?

I had fun looking through photographs, letters and other old memorabilia but one particular photo made a huge impact on me when I saw it.

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For a second, I didn’t recognize that girl in the picture because I sure as hell wasn’t so slim back then. Then the instant I remembered, I felt a deep sense of sadness.

….That girl wasn’t me,
but you could say she was the girl I wanted to be.

She’s my dad’s other daughter, and she was everything I was not.

I was a pretty messed up kid back then. Life wasn’t easy even though I was a child. Parents were always fighting, never had many friends, always got bullied at school…

I don’t know where I got this photo from, and to be honest I’m not even 100% sure this is her but I secretly kept this photo when I found it as a kid because I was jealous of her.

He would spend so much more time with her, and I was always distant from him.

I would hear many stories about how nice, intelligent and beautiful she was… and on my side, all I got was being reprimanded for not being good enough.

I really couldn’t help but be jealous. She seemed so perfect. And it didn’t help that I was always being compared to her.

I didn’t feel that I was beautiful or intelligent. I felt lost, neglected, and unwanted.

I was convinced there was something wrong with myself.

“Why can’t I be his first daughter? Why can’t I be beautiful and smart, like her? Why can’t I be the perfect daughter my parents want me to be? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he love me as much as her?”

I didn’t have a clue who I was, or what I was meant to do… so I kept this photo, a photo of the girl whose shadow I lived in, hoping that one day I’ll be just like her.

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8 years later, I open my box of memories and I’m shocked by what I see.

I’m reminded of a bleak childhood, and I still feel sad about the situation but at the same time I’m really thankful that life is a lot better now and I’m a stronger, better person.

I still have problems with my dad, and she’s still daddy’s little girl.. but I’ve learned how to deal with that fact after all these years.

I heard she got her doctor’s degree just like my dad wanted, but she switched to media (her own interest) in the end anyway. What a waste of time.

Must have finally woken up and realized she has to live her life for herself, and not anyone else.

I had a fight with my dad recently, and he sent me a lengthy email, saying that he couldn’t accept who I was and that he gave up. It’s amusing how he said he was going to give up, as if he was ever there to guide me in the first place.

You gave it all up a long time ago.

It’s a long and complicated story, I assume you don’t need to know the details.

I cried about it for awhile, but I got over it soon after.

I wasn’t going to cry anymore for losing something that hasn’t been there my whole life.

I realized that I can’t please everyone with everything I do, and I’m done with trying to please the almighty professor who will never be pleased by anything except A stars, which is pretty much all he cares about.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is earning good money by writing advertorials for big companies on her website that she established herself at the age of 17.

Just tell her you’re disappointed in the “foul language” she uses in her blog and that you don’t think what she’s doing is right.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is being a good girl by actually attending school AND doing part time work. She’s not being a slut by having sex with every random guy she meets at a club / taking drugs / getting wasted every night / *insert other stupid thing to do here*.

Just tell her that she doesn’t have high values and expectations for herself.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is pursuing her own ambition and chose media & communications to major in because that’s her interest.

Just continue to be convinced that she’s throwing her life away by mot doing anything “proper” and say that she’s wasting money, even though she’s paying for her own school fees too

Doesn’t matter if his daughter enjoys feeling confident about her looks by applying make up and dressing up fashionably.

Just tell her that only hookers do that, and that she’s a disgrace to you.

I quote him in part of his email,

Maybe I didnt understand that it is COOL to use”wtf”, F–K, and “bitching” with other girls about trivalities, and exposing your personal life/experiences to the world in your website.

Meanwhile, I do hope that you can elevate your self-esteem, not by “powder and make-up” alone, but by your intellect and integrity. I wish you all the very best in your studies and become a somebody.
You are a smart, pretty and lively girl whom I still believe can mature into a lady, a true lady with sound guiding principles and high values and expectations for herself.

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He told me I need not reply his email, but I feel obligated to respond so I thought I’d express my feelings on my blog instead.

….I am somebody, dad.

It’s just unfortunate that you never gave this somebody a chance, and you’ve already made harsh judgements before you know anything about her.

I’m someone more than make up, more than my blog – and if you only judge me based on these 2 things, then you’re no different from a random blog reader who doesn’t know any better.

Yes, as you mentioned before – it’s not all about powder / make up, it’s not all about looks.

Yet at the same time, it’s not all about power / money / career / status either. It’s not about what you’re doing for a living, I believe it’s about HOW you are living.

Are you really doing what you want to do in life? Are you even happy at all?

I may not be the somebody you wanted me to be, but I am my own person and my life is not your decision to make, especially since you’ve never been around throughout most of it.

I don’t know what is “sound guiding principles and high values / expectations” to you, but if I’m not a “true lady” just because I like to dress up and put on lots of make up, or if because I like to say FUCK a lot on my blog and I like to bitch about trivial matters, then in that case..

Who the FUCK needs to be a true lady?

Who wants to be a robot manipulated by society’s norm and the old fashioned ways of a ridiculously critical father who is always absent?

I want to be a human being, not a “true lady” by your definition.

Someone who is allowed to make mistakes,

Someone who is allowed to express herself freely even if it means using expletives

And someone who is allowed to dream and live her live as happily as possible, in whatever way she chooses.

What about being TRUE to yourself?

What about being TRULY happy, even if it means not giving a fuck what other people say or think?

Life is more than being book smart and saving money and trying to be as “normal” as possible.

I’m not doing anything wrong or doing anyone harm by living life the way I do now… but you just think it’s “not good enough” for you.

Maybe it’s time for you to look into the mirror, and realize that a successful career does not necessarily mean you are a success in life.

Life is short, dad. Live life with risks, with passion, with forgiveness and with mistakes.

I still love you, and miss you. Or maybe I just miss the idea of having a dad around in my life.

I will never be good enough for you, I know.

But I am good enough for ME, for Sam, and the rest of the people who matter.

They love and accept me for who I am.

And I am actually HAPPY living my life the way I want to.

Not many people can say that, not even you.

Here’s to all the kids whose lame parents were never there.

I’m not that girl in the picture..

And I’m damn fucking glad that I’ll never have to be.

P.S – You need not respond.

xoxo,
Jess

introducing danang cupcakes and tea

Love is when someone proves they’d achieve the impossible for you.

Happiness is what I’m feeling.

Destiny is when even luck and coincidence cannot explain how such an unlikely situation worked out so beautifully.

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Sorry for the lack of updates but I’ve been kept occupied 24/7!

I’ll take time off to stay home to blog one of these days when I can afford to.

The next time I’ll come back with proper pictures and a proper post ;)

For now, I’m more than contented living in my little bubble and the rest of the world doesn’t matter..

xoxo,
Jess

melb to sg

The day I’ve been anticipating for the past 2 months is finally here.


Tonight is THE night!!!!

I never thought this would happen to me… seriously. Now that it’s all happening, it feels so unreal.

I’m counting down every hour, every minute, every second…


With every second my heart beats faster and faster.

See you in 8 6 hours.


OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo,
Jess

Lethal combination

He makes you laugh, and he makes you cry

Nothing like a guy who makes you laugh and forget your troubles… or a guy that makes you laugh who is sometimes also the cause of your troubles

He’s there for you when nobody else was, but he’s not there when everyone else is

Just when you thought nobody gave two hoots about you, he surprises you by caring more than the people around you… but when you already have everyone’s attention, somehow he’s just not there like everyone else

He makes you feel special, and then you feel like you’re not good enough

When you feel like the most amazing girl in the world just because he said so.. and when his opinion is so significant, it turns what was once self-confidence into self-doubt because you wonder if you’re good enough for him

He spends a lot of time with you, then disappears

Because nothing like absence makes the heart fonder or wonder what it really means to you

He talks about something completely serious, in a joking manner

Or vice versa.. You never know when he’s for real or not, and you play mind games with yourself, wondering what he’s really trying to say.. decrypting hidden messages

He praises you, then points out your flaws

A compliment means so much more when it’s from someone who is used to pointing out flaws instead of someone who is used to singing praises

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And the thing that hurts the most is

It feels like he’s so near, and yet he’s so far away….

xoxo,
Jess
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