Previous Posts45678

Things I’ll miss in Singapore when I’m gone…

So, it all feels very real now.

When I think about it, my heart beats a little faster, and I sorta spaz out and panic thinking, “OMG I have so little time left!!!!”

Now you might think I’m going to die, but no… really, what I’m talking about is going overseas to study. I’ve been talking about this FOREVER, like what, since 2009????

But NOW it’s finally happen!!! Paying my first deposit for my school fees, applying for a student visa and looking for accommodation.. It’s only going to be 3 years, and I’m sure I’ll come back to visit Singapore often, so why am I so nervous??

Chill out Jess!!!!!!!

You are only going to move to a completely different country filled with white people instead of asians and you have to learn to drive or take public transport and enter university and hope to make new friends and hope your new life doesn’t turn out absolutely horrible and hope your boyfriend treats you nicely when you’re stuck in the same house together.

As terrible as I make it sound out to be (just the nerves talking) I’m sure it will be awesome anyway!! I am SO excited about the cooler weather, changing seasons, nice beaches, outgoing people, new school environment and everything else.

So I keep talking about Australia, what about…. SINGAPORE?!?!!?!?

Some people are under the impression that I hate my own home country so much that I desperately wanna escape it, but that’s not completely true.

I’ll admit that I definitely prefer living in another country than Singapore, but Singapore is lovely in it’s own way too!!!! So this post I wanna show some love to my hometown, especially since I’m moving out for the first time in my life omfg I’m so going to miss it more than I’d EVER know!!!!

Here you go SG!!!! You are not just a “fine” green city! For my overseas readers who’ve never been to our little city before, here’s what you can expect to love about it.

Awesome thing about Singapore I’ll miss #1: Safety.

I CANNOT stress this enough, how grateful I am to be living in a safe country like Singapore. It is undoubtedly the best attribute about this place. Fuck “golden work opportunities”. The working environment here is like shit (worse actually), but where else in the world can you take a stroll down the streets at 3am and feel completely safe and at ease?!!!


WHERE????

Where else will you never get earthquakes, landslides, tsunamis, forest fires, floods, (come on Orchard Road flood nothing la), volcano eruptions and other freak of nature disasters???

NADA!

Our country is so protected by a cluster of surrounding neighbour country and islands that we are pretty much protected from any catastrophe ever happening to us except world war 3.

The very recent Japan earthquake tragedy really got to me and realized how fortunate we Singaporeans are in the sense we’ll never have to wake up one day to our houses being swept away by tsunami or risk getting crushed under falling debris.

I know I haven’t blogged about it, but I don’t like blogging about sad things.. my heart really goes out to everyone who was affected :(

But back to SG.

We may have our (rare) occasional cases of psychos and murderers and idiotic gangsters slashing people up, but that’s really NOTHING compared to what other countries have to deal with. Almost every single time I’ve been on holiday, I’ve had to freak out about my safety. People always tell you to “be careful.” when you travel..

Has anyone ever been to Singapore and needed to be “Extra careful”??? More like you can let your guard down! I’ve heard stories of people going to the supermarket at 3am in America to get a midnight snack, and poof, what happens? They get mugged and they’re at gun point. That’s what happens when guns are so readily available in a country.

And I totally believe that because when me and Sam were in Florida catching a movie at 10pm, we saw this super dodgy black dude walking around with a fucking KNIFE wrapped up in newspaper. I imagine he just chopped someone up with it.

NO KIDDING.

I have never seen anyone else in another country brandishing a knife around like that. It wasn’t a pussy sissy lil butter knife either it was like a parang wtf. If you dunno what parang is pls google. What would you do if you walked past a psycho-looking person holding a dangerous-looking knife unashamedly? Quickly avoid eye contact and hope he doesn’t suddenly decide to stab you with it??? That’s what I had to do.

Having been to Australia a couple of times, I think it’s rather safe but in my opinion NOWHERE is safe when compared to Singapore. I’m afraid I won’t be used to being exposed to dangers out there and will easily become prey because I’m so inexperienced in that sense.

Dude, once my friend Gwen who lives in Perth told me that on her way home from school, she got attacked by this vicious bird (magpie, is it?) that ATTACKED and pecked her until she ran home crying!!! And this bird lived around the school grounds and supposedly took a boy’s EYES OUT. I dunno whether it’s true or not but my mouth is hung open in horror right now wtf.

I’ve never come into contact with any wildlife in Singapore before, the most I’ve had is the occasional stray kitten and dog, and sometimes giant rats or cockroaches, that’s it. Human-attacking birds?! No way!!!!!

Please please please let me not meet any weird people in Perth and have that taint my impression of 90% of Australians being super nice educated friendly and all.

Awesome thing about Singapore I’ll miss #2: Food.

I’ll miss bedok 85′s $2.50 bowl of minced pork noodles, Jumbo’s black pepper crabs, and I’ll DEFINITELY miss my favourite Indian restaurant at Far East Plaza (Mumtaz Mahal, 5th floor. Plz go patronize them when I’m not around so the business won’t dao bi and it’ll still be here when I get back, thanks!)

Food in Singapore is cheap and good!!! Hawker food is the best. You can get a nice meal for under $10 SGD, and what’s even better is the fact that food is available EvvvvEErrrYyyWWhhEErreee and some places even open 24/7.

Everyone raves about Singapore’s food!!! There is something for everyone. All sorts of cuisines, reasonable prices… extremely accessible…what’s not to like?

All my overseas friends get super jealous when I tell em we have Maccas 24/7 delivered to our doorsteps here. Woot woot! I know McDee’s isn’t the best food ever and nothing to be jealous of, but seriously? When you’re hungry at 4am, you’re not going to be complaining.

The only meal of the day I really can’t be bothered to cook is breakfast because I’m always too tired in the morning. Thanks to Maccas I am also like 5kg heavier though lol. /hate


Awesome thing about Singapore I’ll miss #3:
Late night Karaoke and Taxis!!!!

Taxis are so wonderfully cheap in Singapore… :’)

It’s my main mode of transportation and if it wasn’t at such a reasonable rate, I’d be forced to take the train which I really really hate. I hate standing around and rush hour traffic. I don’t mind long bus rides so much though, as long as I have iPod with me.

Most cabbies are knowledgeable and trustworthy enough, so you can fall asleep in the cab without being raped. I do it all the time.

As for the karaoke thing, I’m a huge singing addict, I like to pretend I’m my own Mariah Carey but I dunno if they have good karaoke systems in Australia!! Considering Perth is like the most expensive city in the whole of Aus (correct me if I’m wrong but I hear from people it’s true), I’m assuming karaoke would be ridiculously overpriced such as their taxis, so I will be doing it a lot less. So I’ll miss it :(

One thing I won’t miss though, is the shit service at International Building’s Party World KTV. Disgusting customer treatment and I’m glad service in Aus is generally much better.

Awesome thing about Singapore I’ll miss #4: Nightlife.

I don’t mean partying at clubs and stuff, but more of the fact that stores open late all the time! There’s always something to do at night, be it a midnight movie or karaoke or playing pool or whatnot. Can’t believe shops close at 5pm in Perth. That’s retarded. It will save me a lot of money at least -_-


This city is always full of life!!!

And everyone sleeps late in Singapore hahaha!!! The average person sleeps later than 12am. I like staying up till late at night surfing the net and bothering online peeps and going for spontaneous suppers and having lengthy MSN conversations, so no idiot will ring my phone in the morning. I definitely prefer nights to mornings

(well in SG at least, maybe things will change in Aus)

Awesome thing about Singapore I’ll miss #5: Tech-savvyness.

Eh, what’s the proper word for it?! State of the art infrastructure? Media-absorbed geeks? I love it. I love how there’s 3g connection and free WIFI everywhere I go, and how Singapore always keeps up with the times when it comes to media. Media is so big here, everyone blogs, uses twitter, facebook etc!!!!!

There’s TV screens in taxis, giant LCD screens on the walls of malls and other cool stuff everywhere!

As you can tell, a lot of my life exists online or is technology-based (gaming, blogging, etc) so it’s a huge deal to me. I still think of Aus as a very country kind of country (wow that didn’t make sense at all) so I hope I won’t be too affected by how “slow” the country is.

Singapore is always improving, revonating, the malls at Orchard Road are always new and sparkly, awesome!!!

OMG I HOPE MY NET DOESN’T GET CAPPED IN PERTH!!

Liddis how to blog????

Apparently they have a limit for downloads (SMLJ?) and many gamers get capped internet so once you go over the limit (which isn’t a lot) your internet is basically unusable (painfully slow speeds) and ya gotta wait till next month for the meter to reset. GROSS.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

…Ok, this is all I can think of for now!!!

You can add what else you love about Singapore in my comments if you like, it’s always nice seeing people show some love for their country ♥

Of course, I’ll also miss my readers in Singapore!

I may not have met all of you before but I kind of like getting recognized on the streets (oops my secret is out) and believing I am semi-famous to a certain group of people. :P

When I go to Perth, it won’t be “Jessica the blogger” anymore, I will be known as “That chick from Singapore” or something. It’s like my identity will be lost almost, I bet it’ll feel weird to be completely unknown and supposedly unimportant.

Nobody gives two shits about international students!!!!!! Boo

xoxo,
Jess

Dear Anonymous

Unsaid letters to people I’d never personally write to, for whatever reason I may have..

Dear Dad -
It’s time for one of those awkward talks / meet ups again, where I call you up regarding financial issues. This time round it’s about my enrollment in Curtin University, Western Australia. I know you sometimes think the only reason why I call you is because I need your money. That’s not true.

I would call you up for a casual lunch, and I’d call you when it’s my birthday or when it’s Christmas and all.. but I feel like you are probably too busy for me. You always seem to have scheduled appointments with patients and meetings with important people. Where does that leave me? You complain that I don’t call you enough – but why don’t YOU ever call ME?

I feel like, after so many years of being absent from your life, perhaps it’s just better to stay that way. I’m sorry… but I plan to bake you a nice cake this weekend when we meet. Will that make up for some things? Hopefully you won’t flip when you realize that my school fees and expenses are going to cost you tens of thousands of dollars. But, hey.. better spending that sort of money on my education than on more fake “autographed” eBay-ed Elvis Presley records right? I know you’ve always wanted me to go to a good university and become a successful career person like you anyway.


Dear Formspring Followers -

I will always be here to help you out, if you need somebody to talk to. No matter how nonsensical or redundant the question, I shall try to answer politely and helpfully. But please, can you try your best to phrase your questions as gramatically accurate as possible?

I know you’re already troubled (which is why you’re treating me as Aunt Agony on my Formspring) and you don’t need someone dissing your grammar or spelling online, but eh, half of the time I spend trying to figure out wth you are trying to say instead of actually thinking about the solution to your problem. I highly suggest taking language classes before solving relationship problems, effective communication is the key to every relationship. Really. You don’t have to be spectacularly good at English, just make sure your sentences makes sense. Thanks.

Also, if your boyfriend is cheating on you, or if your girlfriend is flirting with your best friend, or something along those lines is happening to you… Surely you don’t need ME to tell you – DUMP that hoebag before they cause more hurt to you?!?


Dear Butterflies and Moths –

I bloody hate you. I wish you would all just DIE!!!!! I have never felt so much hatred and wishful death upon anything or anyone else in my life, not even the girl that my ex cheated on me with. Because of you, I have this irrational phobia that makes me shriek out in fear whenever I catch sight of your existence. You don’t even need to be physically there, the thought of your disgusting fluttery wings is enough to send me into a hysterical fit.

Every single night, I am extremely wary and needlessly paranoid when I walk around my house, because I KNOW YOU ARE LURKING and waiting for me. Patiently and silently…. you await the perfect moment to strike. When I’m getting a drink from the fridge, or when I get up at 3am to pee, or when I come home during midnight and I’m ringing the doorbell.. You will suddenly come zooming into my face, and the next thing I know I’d be screaming and jumping all over the place, yelling senselessly. I highly suspect you will be the cause of my death one day.

I can see it all now….. Me, age 35, living in some nice, faraway country in my flashy car. Life is good, I have three beautiful kids, a great job that pays well and my husband never cheats plus I don’t have wrinkles yet. It seems like I’ve got it all – until, one day, you suddenly flutter into my face while I’m driving on some highway and I swerve uncontrollably and the brakes screeeeeeeech and BAaaAAaaaAM!!!!!!! My face meets heavy load truck.

So, before I learn how to drive I am determined to overcome my fear. At least, I’ll learn how to kill you with my bare hands soon. Instead of me running away from you, very soon you’ll be fluttering away from me. Enjoy your invincibility while you can, sucker.

Dear Neopets -

I have been spending entirely way too much time on you. To be frank, I’m sort of embarrassed that I still enjoy browsing your site at this age. Like, what the HELL Jess?! This was the game you were into when you were like 9 years old – why have you gotten “addicted” to it again??? The countless of hours you spend surfing the stupid forums could be spent entertaining your dedicated blog readers instead. Of course, I realized this eventually which is why I’m blogging now when I could be playing mini games on Neopets..

I need to set my priorities straight. But something tells me the moment I stop fiddling around with your site, I’d jump straight back into Left 4 Dead or Maplestory again. …….I can’t help it – I’m a gamer!!!!!!! When will this childish hobby end?


Dear Maid -

When you first started working in our house, I thought you were fantastic. Not the best I’ve had, but good. You could speak decent English, follow simple instructions and seemed pleasant plus hardworking. Now, you are not ANY of those. You have become incredibly rude, complacent, lazy, and slobbish in your work. You never clean stuff as thoroughly as you used to, and the work you do is always half-assed. I hope you realize this is the reason why I never offer you any of the food that I cook or buy back anymore.

YOU should be the one serving me, not the other way around. For that, enjoy eating maggi mee for as long as you are staying here, until you get off your lazy ass and start cooking nice food by yourself again, because you’re not having any of my share. Everyone who has met you agrees that you are annoying and attention-seeking and lazy. What happened?? It’s only been a couple of months. Sigh.

P.S – You have also developed B.O…. gross.

Dear Stomach -

Why the bloody hell do you hurt so much? Was it the fact that I ate 2-day-old bo bo cha cha??? Or the fact that I cooked cheesy mushroom risotto at 2am? Please forgive me. I feel like World War 3 is going on within my tummy right now. The worst part is, you hurt almost EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I know I don’t eat the healthiest meals or at regular timings, but there’s no need to react this way. I do not appreciate adverse reactions consisting of muscle spasms and spontaneous diarrhea. I would go see a doctor, but all they’ll probably tell me to do is eat healtier, drink water and stuff that I already know. I am nice to you – I buy and cook for you lots of yummy food – and this is how you treat me?!?! …Talk about ungratefulness. Tsk.

Dear Stupid Waiter / “Manager” I Met At Party World KTV Yesterday -

I don’t think I’ve encountered WORSE service than what you have shown yesterday!!!!!!! My mouth was literally hung wide open in horror. I will make it a point to blog about what happened in FULL DETAIL and make sure everyone who reads my blog will know about how the fucked up waiters at International Building’s Party World KTV are SPOILING Party World’s image. You casually told me, “Anything you not happy you can send a complaint to my management.”

O RLY? I AM going to, asshole! I will link this blog post to your management too and I hope they fire you or at least give you a warning. If your management decides to overlook this situation then they are really hopeless liao. No Public Relations skills at all. Your KTV joint used to be one of my absolute FAV place to hang out at with Sam, we’d go there like once every week, but mark my words when I say I’m not going back ever again. You are not worth paying a single cent for now. I will probably share my terribly experience in my next blog post.

I went to Party World KTV expecting to have a good time, but all I ended up with was an unpleasant experience I wish I didn’t have to go through. But it will not all be in vain because someone WILL pay for the displeasure I had to go through.

xoxo,
Jess

Why do people hate Valentine’s Day?

So I was surfing the net last night at about 2am (technically V’day was just over) and some people were talking about how much they disliked Valentine’s Day
(such as tweeting #ReasonsToHateValentine’sDay, quotes about how Single Life Is Better, or making fun of a girl happily holding a giant bouquet by calling the guy stupid for buying something so expensive, etc.)

After reading multiple blogs and tweets, I’ve gathered enough information to conclude that these people hate Valentine’s Day because…


1)
Everything’s so expensive – Flowers, Chocolates, Dinners, etc

2)
They didn’t have dates / partners to celebrate this special occasion with

3)
They think this date is too “commercialized” and “unnecessary” because everyday should be filled with love, not just on Valentine’s Day.

And I just can’t help but wonder…

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FULL OF SHIT????

Why do single / unhappily attached people like to piss in the faces of happy couples so much?

I mean, what is the point of laughing at / cursing at / shaking your fists at blissfully attached couples just cuz you don’t have a date yourself?

Can’t you be happy for other people that they’re doing well?????

Why you must emphasize on how shitty and stupid you think the whole event is? It doesn’t make YOUR day any better, does it? Not everything revolves around you.

All it does is make you come across as a jealous angry person who didn’t / can’t get laid or dated.

I KNOW it doesn’t feel good to be dateless and lonely on V’day, what with other people talking about what a great time they’re having and your day has been less-then-satisfactory but omg…

Can you stop it with the childish spite already?

I’ve been single on many Valentine’s Day as well, all alone cuz my friends had their own dates and shit but I didn’t go around pooping on peoples parades, acting like I’m above the whole thing!!!

Or even worse, being pissed off at people who had a good time just because I didn’t. What sort of person would I be?


V’day was actually very irrelevant to me when I was Single
, cuz it’s like…. I don’t even have a boyfriend, so why should I care about the occasion? None of my business right?

I won’t go like OMG I HATE V’DAY CUZ IT’S SINGLE AWARENESS DAY BLAH BLAH BLAH I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP SHOWING OFF.

Whose fault exactly is it that you are loveless and single?? Maybe your jerky ex or your personality disorder but most certainly not the happy people you are indirectly insulting.

People happy want to tell the world about nice things that happened to them also cannot? I’d take a happy non-stop-gushing girl over an emo spiteful craphead any day. Would you rather hear cringe worthy sob stories about how emo somebody is?

If you didn’t wanna BE that person having fun on V’day, you wouldn’t be PISSED at that person for having fun on V’day.

So, you know what I suggest?

……Stop bloody whining and bitching or being a cheap, anti-social bastard with high expectations. Find somebody to go out with and just have fun!!!!!!

Maybe if you stop sulking, somebody decent might notice your smile.

Does it REALLY have to be about crazy passionate love making or extravagant bouquets of flowers and fancy dinners?

V’day is about showing the people you care about that you ♥ them – which means you could go out with friends and family too!!! A bf / gf would obviously be much more ideal, but beggars don’t get to be choosers.


And you’re missing the whole point of V’day.

I realized another type of people who hate V’day are ones that HAVE partners, but lazy / cheap / unromantic ones who can’t be arsed doing anything for each other on V’day so get all pissed off cuz other girls are getting flowers and shit.

OR they are already going on fun dates and getting flowers but they COMPARE themselves to other couples and blame the world for not being treated like absolute royalty on this supposed “special” occasion!!

Well guess what??

If your bf is so damn crappy and unromantic and it displeases you so much, why don’t you just dump him? Hate the player, not the game.

And..

I HAD A BLOODY FANTASTIC TIME!! ....BUT. I didn’t get a ridiculously expensive but gorgeous bouquet of fresh roses.

Not even cheap chocolates.

We did go a nice hotel and ate at a nice restaurant and went for a nice spa treatment but I paid for a lot of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining at all… Do I mind one bit?

No.

I told myself that if my bf is unwilling / reluctant / forgets to treat me nicely on V’day, I will treat myself and treat him instead! Girls, it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be the guy paying. Your mindset doesn’t have to be so backwards.

I didn’t have any V’day plans unless the night of 13th itself, I booked everything last minute. And I was more than willing to chip in for the price since my bf thought it was kinda pricey.

What I’m trying to say is, the more you’re “pressured” to have a good time and the more silly expectations you have, the more likely you’ll end up being miserable on V’day, with or without a partner.

Lower your retarded unrealistic expectations and maybe you won’t find yourself majorly disappointed as often!

It’s perfectly okay to have expectations in general, as long as they’re realistic and deserving of them.

And don’t you people pretend to not care about the whole huzzah because everyone likes sweet little gifts and thoughtful handmade cards and pretty flowers even if they die also won’t admit it!!!!!!

Obviously Valentine’s Day means something to you because you care about it enough to “hate” it. Nobody hates something they don’t care about.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Moving on!!! I feel the need to rant more!

Valentine’s Day may be over the top and expensive, but it is most certainly NOT unnecessary.

The most annoying thing of all is when people go “WHY does today have to be any different from other days??? It’s so commercialized and bullshit!”

How is Valentine’s Day unnecessary?

It is JUST as necessary and important as birthdays, anniversaries, father’s day, mother’s day, independence day etc, because it is a REMINDER to all of us to care a little bit more.

Not just on that day, but in general. We are only human. We make mistakes.

Sometimes we take our partners for granted. Sometimes we’re not as nice to each other as we could be, sometimes we just NEED a reason to be nice to each other especially if you live-in with one another and all you talk about is who should do the dishes today.

A reminder for a 70 year old man that his wife of 50 years STILL deserves a rose every once in awhile because she’s still his special girl.

A reminder that not everyone takes, but one that most people are grateful for.

Just because we want to be treated extra nicely on V’day doesn’t mean that we only appreciate Love on February 14th and that other 364 days of the year are gonna be sucky!!!!!

Don’t YOU wanna be treated nicely on your Birthday? Don’t you want to buy your mum a nice dinner on Mother’s Day?

So if your friends buy you amazing presents on your B’day, does that mean they don’t appreciate your friendship the rest of the time?

If you specifically take your mum out for an EXTRA nice dinner on Mother’s Day, does it imply that you only love your mother 1 day of the year???

Usually the couples who go ALL OUT on Valentine’s Day are the ones who are MUCH nicer to each other than any other normal couples on average days too.

Just Sayin’.

Look around, it’s true ;)

.
.
.
.
.
.

Oh and of course, my last point – about V’day being “too expensive”

OF COURSE IT’S GOING TO BE EXPENSIVE KUKU!!!!!

X’mas dinners not expensive meh?

You might get discounts at restaurants during your birthday as an exception but that’s cuz you’re not as important as Jesus!

You’re like Mr. Scrooge who goes “bah, humbug!” when people mention X’mas and all things good that keep you warm at night.

Except you’re the V’day version of Scrooge. And I feel sorry for you.

…Actually not really, since you’re being so spiteful. Orbi.

Why don’t you buy the groceries and cook yourself a great meal at home with someone special???

CHEAP + FUN + APPROPRIATE.

Stop making so many excuses.

For every special occasion or public holiday there will be crowds, expectations and prices that are jacked up high EVERYWHERE. But is that a good reason to not enjoy the festivities???

Anybody who says Valentine’s Day is a waste of time = Logic Fail.

And anybody who is too cheap to buy nice things such as flowers for their girlfriends on V’day because they think it’s too expensive = even more Fail.

You dumb ass, you’re not ONLY buying the god damn red plant, don’t you know you’re buying yourself time, happiness and intimacy as well?

A girl who receives nice flowers is a girl a lot more willing to be nice to you than one who received nothing!!!

Happy girls = frisky girls

Frisky girls = happy guys

Happy girls and happy guys = less time spent quarreling.

And that’s a fact.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

That is all.

To everyone who had awesome sex and french kisses and got flowers and yummy dinners, I betcha had a good V’day.

To everyone who sat at home bitching about how much V’day sucked… oh well, sucks to be you. Hopefully next year will be better for you! And don’t forget not to bitch your weight around and to start smiling more often! (remember, nobody likes negative people)

Happy post Valentine’s Day y’all!

xoxo,
Jess

How’s it going?

So I know I haven’t been updating all that much, especially from this post onwards, but that’s because I’ve been busy trying to figure out my life… (as always)

Seriously, props to other bloggers who update like every 2 days!!! (although those blogs tend to lack good content and probably should only update every 4 days instead)

Blogging is so tedious and it’s like you have to sit down in your computer chair and stare at the screen and THINK very carefully about what you’re gonna write and then hope it’s entertaining and discreet enough for the public to read, yet personal enough to consider it your own online diary.

And that’s only for food for thought entries!!! What about travelogues where I have to spend a bajillion hours editing a gazillion pictures??

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I wouldn’t because this is what I signed up for…. but it’s because I’ve been quite busy recently, lacking the time to blog often so I’ve only just truly realized HOW much work it is to sustain a blog!!!

At times I get worried about not updating enough because I might lose readers, but at other times I’m like meh, fuck it, if you can’t wait then I’m not gonna make you stay either.

After all, I’m not a full time blogger or anything, but gosh at the rate I’m going and the amount of effort and time I’m devoting to this blog… I’d might as well be!!!

I guess some people just get lucky and others don’t, because I know of other bloggers who try so hard yet get nowhere and others who don’t try at all and are already near the top. It’s ridiculous.

.
.
.
.

Ok sorry for digressing so much, see that’s what happens when you don’t blog enough, all of a sudden you have so many things to say and ya dunno where to start!!!!!

I was gonna blog about Penang Part 3, but I’d figured you guys might be bored with so much travelogues at one go, so imma do a wordy entry to update the people who are interested in keeping tab on my life :P

So you’re probably wondering, “Jess, what’s happening with you and Sam??”

The truth is, I don’t really know.

Well I’ll tell you the things I do know.

Right now, Sam’s in the supermarket near my house buying groceries and running other errands for me, while I take some time to blog and update you guys about what’s going on.

Yep, Sam’s in Singapore.

Does that mean we are back together and completely okay now??? ...Not necessarily.

See, we were “taking a break” and I told him to leave me alone for a few days, a week, a few weeks… however long it took me to figure things out on my own.

But knowing Sam’s character, he obviously found it very hard to do that. Not only did he not leave me alone, he annoyed me even further, calling my mother instead when he couldn’t reach me, calling me when I was on holiday, etc etc.

So I got really pissed and I told him “LEAVE ME ALONE!! STOP CALLIN ME OR I’LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN ROARRRRR”

Yes, I was really really angry, and thinking about how he behaved back then still makes me angry now. The calls stopped coming to me, but went to my mum instead and basically my mum convinced Sam I wanted him to come to Singapore (lies) and Sam naively believed what she said and booked the next flight down.

But this time, it’s not one of those weekly trips he takes every month.

He’s quit his job in Melbourne, and told his friends and family that he’s possibly not coming back for awhile because he’s moving his ass to Singapore and staying there indefinitely.

He’s finally taken the plunge, to put the both of us out of our misery, to change this long distance relationship into just a normal relationship….

No more crossing oceans and mountains and countries just to see each other. We’d finally be like a normal couple!!!!! Would things go back to the way they were, or possibly be even better, now that they are this way?

Frankly speaking, if you’d told me this would happen a few months ago, I’d be thrilled. I’d be so excited because what I’d been wishing for for so long would finally come true….

But when I heard about Sam coming to Singapore last Friday, the only emotion I felt was being pissed at him.


WHY???

Why do you always react so late? Why do you only wait until I’m way too angry and too upset to even talk to you or wanna do anything to solve it, that you decide to finally DO something about it??

Why do you not attempt to salvage something when it can STILL be saved??

Why do you only wait until it is too late?

Why are you so fucking stupid!!!!!

…Was all I could think about.

I thought that it wasn’t fair, for him to suddenly decide to come to Singapore (even when I told him not to) when I wanted time for myself. I’ve wanted it for so long, I just don’t want it anymore.

I also thought that it wasn’t smart of him to dump whatever he has in Melbourne just to come to Singapore, because he should’ve done it a few months ago, but more RESPONSIBLY.

Instead of walking out of his job and office and never looking back, he should have given a proper resignation letter and have a good word with his boss.

Instead of walking out on his family, he should have had a good talk with them to let them know he’s sure of what he’s doing, instead of having them go “WTF?? Where did you go and when are you coming back?”

So anyway…

The first night that he was here, was an absolute nightmare.

My mum thought it’d be a good idea to book us a room at Marina Bay Sands, but Sam’s flight wasn’t gonna be here until midnight so in the day I invited Wendy and Kay Kay over to hang out in the pool and go for lunch and dinner, etc.

I even got upgraded from a normal 400+$ a night room to a 900+$ dollar a night Suite!!!!

The room was huge and absolutely gorgeous, the company was fun and I was having a good day in general.

Then night fell, and Sam eventually arrived at the hotel, and things got all messed up.

I thought that when he walked through the door, I’d look into his eyes and everything would magically fall back into place. I thought I’d immediately fall in love all over again, and everything would be okay because it was just like old times.

Me and him, spending lazy days in Marina Bay Sands, soaking in bath tubs and watching TV and ordering room service while admiring the stunning Singapore city views from our window.

But no, the first thing I wanted to do when I saw him was to punch him.

And I almost did!!!!!

…Just kidding. I’m not that violent.

I did push him off the bed though, and that was funny, because he landed on his head. For a moment I thought he might break his neck, but don’t worry, no injury suffered except a sore neck. (wow, I sound awful at the moment, but he deserved it)

I know it seems sincere of him to drop everything he had back in Melbourne to come be with me in Singapore, but you’d think that if he’d be willing to do all of that for me, he’d KNOW what to say when he saw me but he didn’t!!!

He just stood there and stared at me like an idiot.

I was like, WTF??? You came all the way down here just to do nothing in general?

I was also really upset at him because a few days before, I told him to write me a long letter to tell me all about his feelings and why he’s been so annoying and stupid and unlovable recently. I didn’t wanna hear it over the phone, or over text messages…

I wanted a god damn hand written letter.

What’s a girl gotta do to get some sincerity around here nowadays????

But no, he didn’t write me my motherfucking letter.

That was honestly the last straw for me, him not writing that letter.

Ok to you guys it might just be words written from a pen on a piece of paper, but to me, it would mean the world because it’d mean that he cares about this relationship enough to attend to my seemingly insignificant request which was actually extremely important because it would determine whether I’d forgive him or not, judging by how sorry and sincere he sounded in the letter.

I looked at him and asked, “So, where’s my letter?”

And he had this fucking annoying expression on his face and he stuttered and murmured…. “I didn’t write it.”

Thinking about it now, I really should have punched him.

“Forget it then, it’s over”, I said.

And he replied “NO!! No, it’s not over. I was very busy. I’ll write the letter now….” while he fumbles around the hotel room trying to look for a pen and paper.

All I could remember was thinking, “It’s too late, it’s always too late…” with hot tears streaming down my cheeks, utterly disgusted by his insincerity.

Honestly I would so ready to forget and forgive whatever he’d done wrong if he had explained and redeemed himself thoroughly with that damn letter that never came.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT IN THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!

The everyday things. Things like writing a god forsaken letter.

It may not matter so much to you but it matters to ME.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Does anyone NOT see what I’m talking about here????

Do you now know WHY I’m always pissed off at him?

I know from an outsider’s point of view, Sam seems like a great genuine guy who’d do anything for his girlfriend and I just seem like a demanding bitch..

But if you think about it, if Sam wasn’t so fucking stupid and insensitive sometimes, he wouldn’t even have to take such extreme measures like quitting his job in a heartbeat and abandoning his family “just to be with me.”

EXCUSE ME FUCKER!!!!

You did all of that NOT because of me, you did all of that because your lack of tasteful decisions have driven you to take this route, and it has absolutely nothing to do with me!!!

.
.
.
.
.
.

To cut a long story short..

Being the stupid softie that I am, I’m trying to give him another chance now. He’s staying with me currently (well he has nowhere else to go plus has quit his job in Melbourne so I can’t send him back there) and I’m hoping things will turn out the way I want them to.

But even if they don’t, I know that I’m going to be able to walk out of this holding my head up high, because I’ve tried, and I’ve tried hard.

People don’t think that I am trying just because I don’t throw in as much money into the relationship as he does, but is that REALLY how you measure how much someone has given in a relationship???

What about the person who’s trying to tolerate her partner’s insensitivity, foolishness and indifference all the time?

What about the girl who spends all her nights crying her eyes out and feeling lonely and miserable as fuck when she could be out there having a good time with somebody who could actually BE there for her?

The girl who keeps on believing empty promises that never came.

I don’t know if you can tell… but it hurts me too.


And as much as I love Sam, I love myself too.

No matter what happens, I will ALWAYS love myself more than anyone, because from my previous shitty relationships with friends and family and lovers, I’ve found out that loving yourself is so important… once you lose your self-worth, everything else goes to shit in your life.

You lose your self-esteem, your morals, the things you used to believe in and everything that you stand for.

If I had loved myself a little bit more, I wouldn’t have become a victim of my ex-boyfriend’s emotional abuse. I was made use of, lied to, cheated on, tramped all over and torn into little microscopic pieces and all because I didn’t value my dignity enough and I actually put my heart and soul into something that never gave me anything back in return.

The day I broke up with him and told myself never to look back again was the day I started loving me for who I am, valuing my own happiness just as much or even higher than the people I care about.

I’m so glad I don’t believe in unconditional love anymore.

I’ve learned how to tell right from wrong, and just how much is enough and when one last chance is one chance too many.

What’s the point in being with somebody who doesn’t make you happy anymore??

Just because we’ve had a past? Sorry buddy, I live for RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and the future… but definitely not the past.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

So yeah, right now, I’m giving him another chance to make me happy again.

I’m giving US another shot at happiness, because I have nothing to lose at the moment. And apparently, so does he.

And if it doesn’t work out, I will cherish all the memories we’ve shared, the time we spent together and everything it meant to me.

Only time will tell.

xoxo,
Jess

What Inspires Me

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.”

My favourite song at the moment.. I can’t imagine why this artist does not have more listeners.

It’s so mellow, yet so strong in its own sense… So soft and lovely, it whispers into my ear all the things I want to hear. It reminds me of all the things I miss and want. It speaks of hope, love and dreams. ♥

It makes me want to lay in a field full of sunflowers or daisies, dance around in a floaty dress on my tippy toes pretending I’m a ballerina.. it makes me want to fall asleep to this song every single night. I feel so carefree and at peace with the world :)

Another one.. if you liked the previous one, you’ll love this song too!
There are those who think that I’m strange, they would box me up and tell me to change.. but you hold me close and softly say that you wouldn’t have me any other way. ♥

When words fail to express what I really mean, when my mind fails to process what’s really going on, when my heart is no longer capable of feeling properly… and most of all, when the world turns its back on me and it’s Me Vs The World again, music seems to be the one and only thing that has never failed me.

Any question that you may be the seeking the answer for lies in a song you may or may not have discovered yet.

When I’m feeling lonely, it keeps me company with its soft melodious tones, flowing through and wrapping itself around me like a warm blanket. When I’m sad, it soothes my aching heart by assuring me that it knows exactly what I’m going through.. and that everything is going to be okay, because the music is still playing. When I’m happy, it elevates my happiness and makes the moment extra personal and special, by singing along with me. When I’m angry or frustrated, I like to blast edgy songs and scream along.. it’s nice to know someone else hates the world equally as much.

Music inspires me because it knows the lyrics to my heart.

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”

I would use the word “Photography”, but it sounds a little too superficial and technical for what it means to me. I care not for what lens or camera body I’m using, the only important in an image to me is the everlasting question :

How does it make you feel?


If it’s managed to awaken any emotion in you at all, then it is a meaningful image successful in inspiring people. Nothing else matters.

“Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.”

To suit the gorgeous songs I’ve posted above, I included some pictures of Flowers around Sam’s neighbourhood – Part 2! I like this bunch much better.

They’re so beautiful, I’ve never known flowers like these before.

“Whether he is an artist or not, the photographer is a joyous sensualist, for the simple reason that the eye traffics in feelings, not in thoughts.”

I love taking and sharing photos, because it allows me to show the world what I think of it. How else better to let people see the way you see things? Explaining in words is one thing, but seeing is believing. I believe that anyone can be a good photographer, even with the lousiest camera, a true photo moment can never be wrecked by bad lighting or technical difficulties.
I feel like capturing memories and beauty on camera is like preserving the moment forever. It can never be taken away from me, and even if my films and digital copies of the photos are destroyed, I’ll always remember the moment in the exact way I took the picture of.

It’s like I’ve decided, “Okay, so this is it. Take this picture and it stays with you forever.”

A photographer is like an artist, with his mind the paintbrush, the camera a canvas and the world an inspiration.

Beautiful images inspire me by reminding me that there is always something beautiful in every situation, if only you would open your heart to it, then you could bring it out and see the beauty that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”

She’s been traveling a lot and is hardly home recently, which has made me notice the effect of not having her around in my life. It feels emptier.

My mum is a very interesting woman. Sometimes she’s caring, loving, understanding, and at other times she’s almost annoying, hostile and has a nasty temper. But above all, she’s my skyscraper of strength and stability when all else in the world comes crashing down on my shoulders.

One of the things she used to say was, “You can choose your friends, but not your family.”

How I see it, she left out the words “….But you love them all the same” at the end of her quote. It explains a lot about a mother’s love. Even before you were born, they started loving you already. After you were born, despite your differences and shortcomings, she still took care of you and watched over you as you grow older.

Even though she might relentlessly nag about how you’re not studying or working hard enough all the time, really, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter to her who the brightest student in the whole damn school is, because only one of them is her child, and that fact is irreplaceable.

Because of her, I’ve grown to become my own person, yet alike to her in so many ways she doesn’t understand.

The key concept to parenthood:
No child is ever perfect. They will make mistakes, and sometimes the harder you try to hold onto them, the further you are driving them away.
Give them some space, let them make their own fair share of mistakes and take risks the same way you got to live your own life when you were younger… eventually, they will always find their way back home.
Some might get a little lost on their way, and others would take longer than the rest but they’ll come back to you, just wait and see.

And then they’ll need someone to be waiting there for them, with wide open arms and non-judgemental eyes.

Despite how overly concerned and protective she may be sometimes, she does allow me ample freedom, letting me live my life and to be my own person… and I think that’s the most important factor as to why I’m such a strong-headed, free-spirited individual.

Those who know me well know that I’m influenced by my mum in the littlest and biggest ways,

from the clothes I wear, to the way I live my life. She’s had a fulfilling life, with many ups and downs and one of her favourite things to do is tell her stories of what happened many years ago.

A very fond memory is of her telling the story about how my dad didn’t want more children when she was expecting me (they already had my elder brother and he’s 8 years older, he thought it was too big a gap and didn’t wanna start all over again)

So he told my mum to go for an abortion, but she refused. She loved me even before I was born.

My dad got pissed off and exclaimed that he wouldn’t pay for my medical expenses, etc, and that I was “her” responsibility and not his. She agreed, and true enough, eventually when I was born, he wasn’t even at the hospital bed with her, he was on holiday with his “other” family.

She went on to tell me how heartbreaking it is to be a single mother and through all that sadness, she managed to find hope and at the end of her heartbreaking story, she looked at me and said,  “But I wouldn’t have had it any other way, because then I wouldn’t have you.”

And then she hugged me. My mother is amazing like that :’) So tearing up while typing this. Right there and then, I wanted to cry because I felt so sad about her story but loved because it was all done for me.. but I didn’t, I put up a strong front because I always wanna act tough in front of my mum. Not because I’m afraid of showing my emotions, because I don’t want her to worry. I want her to think and know that I am always happy, healthy, and strong. I don’t want her to know that really, I’m a big softie and can be quite the emotional wreck, crying over everything and nothing in particular.

But to me, crying is not a weakness.
You might think I’m crazy for saying this, but when my heart is aching, my mind and body overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and I’m gasping for breath between my heavy sobs….

I feel the most alive.
If you are hurt, it means you care, and if you care, then there is something to live for. You don’t see dead people (emotionally and physically) crying too often now, do you? It’s because their hearts are cold, numb and empty. I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all. I think that makes me special, being able to look at what other people might consider flaws and imperfections as character and beauty. That is why I’m so different from my dad. It’s because I am like my mum.

My dad has tried to use that as an insult against me. But he’s the one who has never known a proper loving relationship between parent and child.

And that is also why I love my mum. ♥
My mum inspires me to do the right thing, to be my own person, and to love unconditionally.

I’ve said so many things about Sam on my blog, that I’m not sure if there’s much left I can say.

If somebody who’s not family and has absolutely no obligations to me could love me so damn willingly and selflessly, then heck, there must be some sort of crazy beauty in myself that I don’t see.
What kind of girl makes another guy want to put his entire life on hold and drop everything he has just to spend time with her?
Or rather, what kind of guy would be so crazy to do something drastic like that?!

It’s so much more than money, time, and effort.

It’s about believing that what you’re doing and who you’re doing it for is truly and completely worth it all.

Oceans and countries apart didn’t stop him from reaching out to me. It’s hard not to believe in destiny and fate when it happens to you in such a fairytale way. I was trying to get my over my ex, then I met this funny and interesting guy online who was everything I wanted my ex to be… but of course he had to be in another country. I remember crying to myself before I went to bed one night, thinking how tragic it was that I’d never be able to meet this guy who could make me so very happy just by talking to me.
He was so near yet so far.

He’d would accompany me everyday when I needed someone and be the lullaby I’d fall asleep to… sometimes I could almost swear I felt him right here with me but he’s a good 8 hour plane flight away.

Then something magical happened.

Sometimes I still can’t believe he traveled across the world just to meet me. My ex use to complain that couldn’t even be bothered traveling to my place as we lived quite far.

Well… Sam’s the man to prove that any distance is not one too far for him. Our relationship has really been testing my limits as to how much of a selfless person I can be. It can get awfully tiring and trying, but the whole point is that it pushes me to fight for what I believe in.

And I believe in us.
My boyfriend inspires me by helping me discover things about myself only he can bring out.

That’s a few of the many, many things that inspire me daily.

What inspires you?

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess
Previous Posts45678