Here are some simple things that I love in my life:
1) Media preview events. Especially the ones where I can spend time checking out the latest cutest fashion in store & hanging out with blogging girlfriends sipping on champagne, giggling the night away.
2) Taking lots (and lots and lots and lots) of photos in the mean time!
3) Fabulous gal pals ♥
4) Themed parties / gatherings, because they really don’t happen often enough. I like dressing up but I don’t get nearly enough chances to do so! In this case the launch was Pin Up Girl themed in conjunction with their Spring / Summer collection, which got me super excited so I got my hair fixed up & put my red lipstick on + even drew a ridiculous fake mole underneath my eye – what’s not to love about the swinging 60′s??
5) Everything about Juicy Couture!!! ;)
For starters, there really is no other real point to this post other than to show off my efforts for dressing up that night and also showcasing the beauty of my gorgeous friends and our frivolous evening together. Yep, that is all.
Let the love making to the camera begin!
I have known this girl since the relatively early days of my blogging life in 2008.. Time has passed too quickly! Valerie probably has the proudest dentist in the whole wide world. Her smile… it’s blinding!!! I can’t get over how perfect her teeth are.
While waiting for the mini Juicy fashion show featuring 1.75m tall leggy models wearing their Spring / Summer collection to begin! I LOVE their clothes this season (or rather, every season) and I spotted this super lush corset-like dress I may buy for my 21st birthday. Want want want!
Cute Evonne was the only one who didn’t arrive sporting red lipstick because she didn’t realize there was a Pin Up Girl theme
Juli> looking seriously kawaii with her big poofy hair! Ok I actually hate using the word kawaii, and can’t stand people who say it either. Lol. Typing it is okay but I HATE saying it. Nevertheless…. “kawaii” is really the perfect word to describe her so I shall use it just this once. *swallows pride*
I lost count of the number of photos we took that evening. I think when you put a group of girls together, photos naturally happen. Lots of them. It’s just our thing. Don’t judge. But when you put a group of girl BLOGGERS together….. I swear the amount at least doubles! I mean our face is the simplest and best form of exploitation of content for our blogs after all, anyway (YES I SAID IT!)
Wtf Pegs is really super hawt I think I may have a slight girl crush on her!!! And I love our purple hair together. They’re purple but entirely different styles and colors… done by the same salon who takes tender loving care of all our hair needs, Shunji Matsuo @ Somerset 313!
My “EXCUSE ME NO PHOTOS PLEASE!!!!” pose, LOL I don’t even know why we started doing this butttttttt…
This was what happened next. Hahahahah WORK IT BITCHES!!!
Thank you Juicy Couture for the fun-filled evening at your store, your clothes are seriously too cute I’d go broke in 2 seconds thank god I didn’t bring my credit card / Pegs for extending the invitation to us / Juli for your camera’s pics!!!! I can’t wait for the next girly blogging event together!
Also, here’s a shout-out to my salon. They do the best things with my hair. I love the fringe they did for me that evening!!! Can I get away with that hairstyle more often, even when I’m not attending any special events…? You think???
Looking back on old photos of me Pre-Shunji era, I don’t know HOW I ever lived with my hair looking so blah because it’s been freaking amazingggg ever since I joined them!!! I owe sooo much to them! I’m sure some of you know I’ve had some really bad hair days in the past (and bad weight days lol). And I kid you not when I say I cannot leave the house to go out without someone asking me where I did my hair or saying something nice about it these days. If you feel like nobody ever notices you / you don’t get enough attention or compliments in your life, please go dye your hair purple tomorrow at Shunji 313. Or bright red / blue / green / something crazy. You will see a 360 degree change and you will never complain about being unnoticed again. And apart from “I’m doing good, what about you?” the other question I answer most frequently in life is “I touch up my hair every 2 months at Shunji Matsuo 313 and I had to bleach it three times to get it purple.” True story.
Some of you already know this piece of news – but for those who don’t…
I am one of the lucky Top 60 contestants for The Final 1 Singapore!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
The newest, and apparently biggest, reality singing competition to hit our little sunny island. When I got the call from Mediacorp saying I have been selected as one of the Top 60 contestants to participate in this show…. I was in utter disbelief. I really didn’t think I’d even make it to the Top 60 – I was just trying my luck at the auditions for fun.
And what do you know??? I actually got in!!!!! :’)
Out of over a thousand hopeful entries, me! This is a huge deal to me because I’m such an amateur singer if I do say so myself, and to be shortlisted as one of the contestants for the first ever singing competition I’ve joined in my life, a significantly large scale one at that, was tremendouysly thrilling indeed! This is as big as a show is going to get in Singapore, honestly! My childhood ambition has always been to be a singer. Now that I’m older and have come face to face with the real world, I know it’s not as simple or achievable as it sounds. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to stop hoping.
For the first time, I turned that “want” into “do”, and “hope” into “action”.
Here I am…. cheekily beaming away on their contestants page, looking wayyyyy too purple. I’m like a giant eggplant decked in floral wear. What the heck?!
WHY in good god’s name did I consciously choose to wear a purple dress when I have purple hair? When I have a hundred other dresses in my wardrobe…..? Sometimes I think I ought to be shot by fashion police. LOL. Too bad I often realize my fashion mistakes a little too late for rectification. *heaves a whopping sigh*
If you’ve been tuning into Channel 5 on our local TV…. You may have seen this advertisement to promote the show featuring yours truly in my Begin Again music video!!!
LOOK MA, YOUR DAUGHTER’S ON TEEVEE!!!
I was like :OOO when a fellow contestant told me “Hey, your video is on Channel 5!!”. It’s always exciting news to be on TV, but even more so when it’s your singing clip that they choose to feature! The last time I was on TV was for a Eu Yan Sang Weight Loss feature last year, a lot less glamorous than this one because my fatness was exposed on national television, thank god I don’t have to die knowing that the only time I ever appeared on television was because I was fat. I got appear because I got talent also okay!!!! Hoo-rah!
I don’t watch much TV at all (I’m more of a movies kinda girl) but I hope I get to see my advertisement at least once before the premiere of The Final 1 airs!!!!! I am also excited to watch the first episode of the show, of course, but the difference is… this advertisement is 100% me. Lol. Whereas the first episode will feature 59 other contestants. So this is my only real time to “Shine” without anyone else stealing my limelight. Literally 10 seconds of fame HAHAHA.
More about the fabulous Top 60 contestants in The Final 1:
Oh lord, you can actually see my awful candid shots in various parts of the video – in fact in the very first few frames you can spot a bored-looking purple haired girl sitting in a chair stoning away. (And sashaying away in the background at 0:20 LOLOL) It was a very long video shoot, we filmed for over 12 hours…. unfortunately my tiredness was indirectly captured on camera!!!!!!
To be really honest with you, I’m not looking forward to seeing myself perform on TV. If you have half a brain and have read my previous emo posts, I’m sure you would’ve figured out just why. Furthermore, I don’t know how weird / fat / awkward / fail I’d look and even worse – how I would sound like!! Hopefully passable? I can’t remember ANYTHING solid from my performance.
Here’s how it basically went down.
. . . .
My name was called to go on stage. My heart stopped at that very second. “Don’t trip when going up the stairs”, I told myself. I walked onto stage. I heard the other contestants sing. They were GREAT. Like, beyond great. They rocked my world. I knew it was going to be very very tough for me to top them, and to be honest I felt so intimidated and petrified, I wanted to just drop off the face of the earth forever and never return or at least run off the stage to hide my face until people forget my name, at that point in time….. but, cameras were rolling & recording & all eyes were fixated on me – so bo fucking bian, gotta go through with it, no matter how much of a pussy I felt like. Eventually, I was asked to introduce myself by either Taufik / Kit Chan (my entire memory of this event is sucha blur I honestly cannot recall properly) and then I opened my mouth to sing. I started off VERY shaky. It didn’t help that the song I chose did nothing for my voice, as well. So many bad decisions on my end, I didn’t know any better :’( I was so nervous, my heartbeat was louder than my own voice. I was supposed to hear music and myself singing but after a few seconds, all I heard was deafening silence. It’s probably the sound of fear.
I glanced over at Ken Lim’s direction, he didn’t seem so impressed. My heart sank. “Don’t look at Ken Lim, DON’T LOOK AT KEN!!!!!!” I kept repeating in my brain. “I’ll look at Taufik instead, he’s got a less fierce face.” Taufik managed a half smile at me. My hands are drenched in cold sweat, I was afraid that the microphone would slip right out of my grip and fall onto the floor, causing an ear shattering boom. That would be embarrassing. I was so numb with stage fright that I couldn’t even feel my fingers at all. Throughout the whole time I was singing, I didn’t even feel like I was singing (or breathing or existing). It felt like an outer worldly experience, as if I was dreaming, just witnessing the whole thing from a third person point of view. I don’t know if you understand what I’m trying to say, but sometimes your body does things without your mind actually being there. When it’s all over, your mind snaps back to reality and you’re just like, “Woah, did that really just happen?” because it felt exactly like a daydream. Like my soul left my body or something. Yes, it’s THAT dramatic. Before I knew it, I was reaching the end part of my song.
Time to hit that relatively big note Jess……….. DON’T SCREW IT UP…. Oh, fuck. Nerves got the better of you, this time, girl. The rest, is history. You have to watch the show to find out what actually happened!
I’ve never felt this way in my whole life before. I have been scared, I have been insecure, I have been unsure, I have been nervous… but NOTHING could compare to how I felt that day. It felt like my heart was going to implode, both from stress and excitement. I wanted to burst into tears just from the sheer overwhelming emotions and adrenaline running through my veins. On a live stage with 50+ other contestants looking on, Kit Chan, Taufik Batisah and Ken Lim judging your every move and note + big fat cameras planted everywhere in front of you.. not a good virgin attempt at public singing. I wish I had experiences in live gigs or performances prior to this competition, but well, the fact remains that I didn’t. I am a rookie. I don’t want to get all emo again lah. I want to learn from my mistakes and carry on life, making the best out of my future opportunities. For the rest of my feelings about this, please refer to this post and that post if you haven’t already read them.
Thank you to everyone who has been excited for me to be part of this journey and for all the encouraging messages as well. I don’t think I did my best at all for the performance in terms of vocal ability but I really gave it my all in terms of effort + determination. I just didn’t have the skills to execute what I wanted to achieve.
Nevertheless, if you want to catch me and my purple hair on TV…. See you guys on your television set on 24th April, 8pm, Channel 5!!!!
I’m only a small, small part of this big show. The rest of the contestants, however, are another story. You DON’T want to miss the epic-ness of their singing talent. I just can’t comprehend how some of them are not already famous yet. I can’t stop gushing. And trust me, when you watch the show – you will as well! I can’t wait for the live shows baybeh!!!!! Lights, camera, action! Get ready, Singapore.
Little confession time. I am terrified of visiting doctors and dentists.
I feel like I’m being sent to the principal’s office, and the dreadful feeling of impending doom lurking around the corner overwhelms me. I know I’m probably being a little dramatic but that’s pretty much how I feel. I’ve avoided going to the dentist for THE LONGEST TIME because I know I have poor oral health, and I’m scared of finding out the condition of my teeth. Same logic as how a fit person wouldn’t mind stepping onto the weighing scale but an overweight person would be afraid of simply looking at a numerical digit on the machine. But, I’m at this stage and point in my life whereby I’m trying my best to act like an adult, and make all the adult-like decisions – as many as I can. One of those happen to be taking care of my oral hygiene because kids don’t care about their teeth, but responsible adults do because they’re smarter and know how important it is for your health and overall image. Everyone gets put off by bad looking teeth. Everyone.
Well long story cut short, I was getting my teeth cleaned and checked up at my dentist’s one day, when he suddenly lamented on how my wisdom teeth were growing out in a potentially harmful direction and they could cause problems for me in the future, if I don’t remove them soon. Gah. I had some pains with my wisdom teeth some time back which bothered me for a few weeks but eventually the aches ceased so I thought they’d miraculously disappeared or found a place to hide in my gums, and forgot about them. Turns out I’m not getting away with it so easily. Complications will get more severe the older you are, and so I thought…. the responsible adult thing to do and say: I might as well do it while I’m still young & healthy.
AND THIS HAPPENED NEXT.
Covered in cold sweat and goosebumps, I found myself sitting in the chair of death at 11am, stripped bare of make up, looking like some ailing hospital patient. Lol. Don’t judge my beady Chinese eyes that somehow manage to shrink to 1/10000th of its size compared to when I have make up on.
My dentist, Dr Chia, analyzing my wisdom teeth and discussing the process and what I can expect before the extraction begins.
I’m only getting the bottom two taken out out because for now, the top ones don’t seem like they’d bother me anytime soon. And I don’t think I could handle all 4 being taken out at once under just local anesthetic…. Look at the wisdom tooth on the right side of the picture!!! It’s in an odd position so they had to make an incision in my gums and hack it into a few smaller pieces in order to take it out with least damage done to other teeth and surrounding gum tissue.
“If it’s not hurting you now, why do you want to take them out?!”
Well, prevention is always better than cure, when it comes to health!!! You don’t get AIDs and then figure out how to cure it later, right?
Before beginning, Dr Chia explained some basic hand signals I should always display to show my level of comfort as I won’t be able to move my mouth or other parts of the body at all. A clenched fist stands for Zero, no pain or feeling. One meaning light pressure, two is more pressure… three is borderline painful and I guess five means LORD HAVE MERCY!
I thought I would’ve raised my hand to show a 5 at least once, because my pain threshold is rather low (I am a wussy) but the most it ever got was a 3 at one point, and then he injected me with more local anesthetic and after that I couldn’t feel a thing. Even the injections don’t hurt much, it feels like a dull aching stinging feeling. I don’t know why I did it, but the night before my surgery I was so tensed up and nervous about getting my teeth removed and I tossed and turned around in bed before deciding there’s no way I could fall asleep. So I went to Youtube wisdom teeth extractions, thinking if I knew how the process would be like, perhaps I’d be less worried because informed decisions always make more sense. But after watching THIS VIDEO I shat bricks!!!!!!
HOW PAINFUL DOES THAT LOOK?????
Very very much, I know!!! But don’t you worry, it’s actually surprisinglydeceivingly horrific because I honestly couldn’t feel any significant painful sensation.. cross my heart on this. The most I ever felt was engulfing fear in my heart and some tugging and pressure in my mouth. For real, normally I wouldn’t hesitate to burst into spontaneous tears when I stub my toes a little too hard, but the pain level for this surgery is probably less than 1 on a level of 1-10, thanks to the local anesthetic. The worst part was probably when the tooth was coming out of the socket and they had to pull pretty hard……. I could feel a slight tugging sensation and I thought a burst of pain would follow, but nope. Just a tugging sensation. It would be almost impossible for me to feel any pain even if I wanted to nitpick. Ok then if I were to nitpick I’d say that dentist tools sound terrible. The drilling, scaling, scraping all echo through your throat and ears and your mouth literally feels like a construction site! I pleaded with my dentist to put me under general anesthetic (the type where you fall asleep & have no feeling or recollection of the event whatsoever until you wake up later on) but he insisted it was unnecessary for a small procedure like this, unless I had very tricky wisdom teeth positions that’d make it difficult or tedious to remove, but mine was supposed to be a super easy extraction. When it was all over and done, he proved to be right, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, feeling like I didn’t need to worry so much after all.
About 30 minutes later, the surgery was completed…. And this is the aftermath!
Yikes!!!!! I am a tooth murderer. D:
And if you ever wondered how beautiful I would look with a swollen, numb mouth….. well your dreams just came true, you son of a gun.
I’m sexy and I know it. So glad I got the procedure done, because now I don’t have to worry about my bottom wisdom teeth any more!!!! And it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I’d anticipated. Woop woop!
Something to remember your little friends who helped you to chew by.
After my teeth were extracted and my gums stitched up, I was given a gauze pad to gently bite on and then sent off on my merry way with some painkillers and meds to help with the aftercare. I did feel pretty woozy after that and wanted to go to sleep straight away but I wasn’t allowed to lie down until night time because the pressure change might cause bleeding. Dr Chia told me I was lucky I decided to take them out because he actually discovered a growing infection where the tooth was affecting my brushing techniques, so consequences would be more dire had I not rectified the problem in the early stages. For the sake of people who are thinking of getting their wisdom teeth removed soon, here’s some possible scenarios you can anticipate to happen, based on my own personal experiences!
What To Expect When You Extract Wisdom Teeth
1) Your biggest hurdle to cross will be the mental fear
Or at least mine was. You’re not going to feel much, or any pain at all. Even after the surgery, I didn’t need to take the painkillers because the discomfort level was very little, aside from the fact I oozed so much blood my mouth tasted like salty metal for hours after the surgery and I choked on my own blood a few times. They say you’re supposed to swallow all the blood and not spit, because spitting would cause more bleeding. Every damn thing causes bleeding, even breathing, lol.
2) Expect blood. A lot of blood. Avoid anything that will cause prolonged bleeding
After the surgery I tried to keep my mouth closed as much as possible, and I didn’t want to swallow so I just sort of kept the pool of blood in my mouth (grossssss) but would you rather swallow it?! Anyway when I finally did spit out the blood, it looked like a crime scene. So. Much. Concentrated. Dark. Red. Blood. I rinsed my mouth once, and then distracted myself with TV. You’ll be tempted to rinse & spit very often but don’t do it!!!! Dr Chia advised me to throw away the gauze after an hour because too much gauze may cause even more blood to be sucked out and dislodge the blood clot. Eventually, bleeding stopped completely after approximately 6 hours.
3) Eat soft foods for at least a few days after the surgery
My mum took care of me after the surgery at her place, and she bought me my favorite selegie tao huey. What an angel. Tao huey tasted like angel brains because the sweetness and smoothness of the bean curd effectively cleansed my mouth of the bloody residue. Have a nice large meal before your extraction because you won’t be able to have solid or chewy food for probably 4-5 days after the surgery.
You are supposed to avoid sucking on straws, eating extremely warm or cold foods, chewy foods, and food that will stick to your gums / get stuck in your teeth. Some people apparently only consume liquids for the first 3 days but I am a fat pig so by a few hours after the surgery I was actually eating minced pork congee. Yum. HAHAHAHA omg I’m really a pig.
In fact, I felt so fine that I completed my surgery in the noon and by evening I went to catch the sexy and stunning Le Noir circus show at Marina Bay Sands, tickets courtesy of Nuffnang and Churp Churp, where I was seated next to the charming and handsome Nat Ho and I somehow managed to have a conversation with him despite my mouth being so swollen I looked like a chipmunk. And you know what else? By two whole days later, I was already eating hot and spicy tom yam noodles for dinner. I must be superwoman. (Or just a really hungry person)
Here’s me 4 hours after the surgery. Hey presto! If I didn’t tell you, would you have guessed I just had my gums cut open and molars extracted? Ok my cheeks were a little swollen so I hid them behind luscious purple hair hahaha.
4) Swelling will be the most obvious on the third or fourth day
As you can see, one cheek / side of my jaw is a lot more swollen than the other! It was the left one where they had to cut the gums and drill the tooth into pieces. But other than looking a couple of kilograms fatter on my face than I should, there was no discomfort to the swelling at all. I almost couldn’t believe how much everything did not hurt.
If you’ve hesitated about removing your wisdom teeth for awhile now, perhaps this will give you the push you need.
Here’s Why You Should Remove Your Wisdom Teeth (source):
• A few people are born without wisdom teeth. Others have enough room in their mouths for the teeth. But many of us get our wisdom teeth taken out as young adults, and are first alerted to the problem when our wisdom teeth can’t come in all the way. If that happens, part of the tooth may be covered by a flap of gum. Bits of food and bacteria can get trapped under the flap. This can cause swelling and a low-grade infection called pericoronitis. This usually happens with lower wisdom teeth. Pericoronitis, and the pain it causes, are the most common reasons people need wisdom teeth taken out.
• In many people, the wisdom teeth are blocked from coming in, usually by bone or other teeth. Sometimes the teeth are tilted under the gum. Dentists call these “impacted” teeth. They may cause pain, but not always. You may feel nothing at all for years. You may not even be aware that you have wisdom teeth until your dentist sees them on an X-ray. Regular dental visits are important during your teens and early 20s. If you visit your dentist regularly, he or she can use X-rays to follow the progress of your wisdom teeth. Any problems will be seen early.
• Even if your wisdom teeth aren’t causing any pain or other problems, they may cause problems at some point. The most common problems are decay, infection and crowding or damage to other teeth. Teeth next to the wisdom teeth are more prone to developing gum problems. But more serious complications can occur. Some people develop fluid-filled growths called cysts. These can cause permanent damage to bone, teeth and nerves. In rare cases, other tumors may develop as well.
• Not all wisdom teeth need to be removed. But if there’s a chance your wisdom teeth will cause problems, it’s easier to take them out when you’re young. That’s because the roots of the teeth are not fully developed yet, and the bone around the teeth is less dense. Younger people also heal faster than older ones. As you age, it will take longer to recover from the surgery.
• Pain and swelling in your gums and tooth socket where the tooth was removed. • Bleeding that won’t stop for about 24 hours. • Difficulty with or pain from opening your jaw (trismus). • Slow-healing gums. • Damage to existing dental work, such as crowns or bridges, or to roots of a nearby tooth. • A painful inflammation called dry socket, which happens if the protective blood clot is lost too soon. • Numbness in your mouth and lips after the local anesthetic wears off, due to injury or inflammation of nerves in the jaw.
Rare side effects:
• Prolonged numbness in the mouth or lips, AKA Paresthesia. I had this for a week. Apparently I am allergic or sensitive to the local anesthetic used called Articaine, I had a half tingling, half dull aching sensation in my lips for a week, causing me to speak funny for awhile. After going back to Dr Chia for a check up he prescribed me some Daneuron to help with injured nerves or altered nerve sensations and I’m almost fully recovered (95%) now after 2 weeks! I only have a slight numb feeling in a much smaller area compared to the large patch a week ago. For some people it may take a longer time to heal, up to 9 months, and some people never get sensation back at all. However, I’ve heard this is incredibly rare. This has nothing to do with my dentist’s skills or professionalism level as it could happen to anyone, especially if your wisdom tooth is located near the nerve that runs along the jawline, but for my case it’s an allergic reaction.
• A fractured jaw if the tooth was firmly attached to the jaw bone. • An opening into the sinus cavity when a wisdom tooth is removed from the upper jaw.
Having said all of this.. of course, different people have different thresholds of pain and dental experiences, and there are two keys to a pleasant wisdom teeth extraction process:
1) Go to a reputable dentist. Some are more gentle, patient, and professional than others.
2) Follow your dentist’s instructions. Take your meds as instructed and don’t do anything stupid like sports a few days after the surgery. Get lots of rest and limit physical activity.
(old picture from when I had red hair)
I am very fortunate to have had my wisdom teeth extracted by Dr Melvin Chia, from Tooth Angels at Clarke Quay because his gentle nature made me feel relaxed and assured at all times! I have heard stories of people who suffer aches and pains for days or even weeks after their surgery but I had none of that, thanks to Dr Chia’s expertise. We’re posing beside my teeth X-ray at the clinic Look at his uber straight and white awesome looking teeth!!! I know this is a no-brainer but dentists always have such perfect teeth. I don’t have to be jealous any more, because Dr Chia is urging me to get braces done…. I have relatively straight top row teeth but my bottom teeth are completely messed up due to an underbite jaw problem. Should I or should I not be metal teethed? Would you guys judge me? :3 I hate to admit this but I’ve always looked at people with braces in a funny way…. I know it’s not very nice (but I’ve never made fun of anyone for it! I just keep it to myself) because most people aren’t born with perfect teeth and I should actually give people who bother to make the effort of having better teeth some credit but I can’t help but pay a lot of attention to it when someone with braces talk to me. It looks so… weird. The aesthetic factor is definitely the biggest thing holding me back at the moment.
Nevertheless, here’s a big shout out and a HUGE Thank You to the wonderful people at Tooth Angelsfor this extremely smooth experience. I hate going to the dentist’s but Tooth Angels makes it so much more bearable for me because everyone there is incredibly nice and caring, the vibe is great, the location is central (literally at The Central) and the dentists and oral surgeons there are great at their job!
Looking for a good dentist you can trust to frequent?
Tooth Angels & Co. Dental Surgeons The Central (Clarke Quay MRT Station). 6 Eu Tong Sen Street #B1-01 Tel : +65 6222 6220
I will find it difficult to ever visit another dental clinic now, because none I’ve ever patronized in the past have been as professional or friendly as Tooth Angels, the place feels like a second home to me!!! I actually look forward to visiting them to get my teeth cleaned and checked up because I know I’m always one step closer to better, healthier, nicer teeth when I leave their clinic.
If you haven’t gotten your teeth checked in awhile, do it please!!! It’s more important than you’d think. You’ll thank me and yourself in time to come!
So I’m still nursing the open wound I acquired last week.
Much of my free time has been spent with the sheets draped over my head, deep in pessimistic thoughts. I really didn’t think the cut would be this deep…. I guess the blade was sharper than it seemed. Let’s just say I don’t deal with rejection very well. And lately, my self-confidence has been plummeted so far down I don’t know if I have any left. I pretend I’m dealing with it fine but really I’m confused and hurt as fuck inside. I completely screwed up my own chances so I’m finding it impossible to forgive myself. After the competition was over, it left me in a lot of self doubt. What the hell am I doing with my life? How did I let such a good opportunity slip? What is wrong with me? What is my calling in life? (*rolls eyes at this*) Am I lazy, undeserving or just untalented?
I used to think that only bored-out-of-their-brains, directionless people had those of thoughts of uselessness. People who sit on their bums and never do anything with their lives. I never imagined that even with goals and hard work and sweat and tears, I could still fall short of my own expectations, and feel worthless of my own dreams.
Like I don’t deserve to be somebody, or anybody. I try to be realistic when it comes to ambition, but then again… ambitions aren’t supposed to be realistic, are they? They were created to challenge yourself, to prove the impossible to be do-able if only you have just the right amount and mix of talent, luck and determination. I feel stuck in the middle, torn apart by two different personalities inside of me. One’s telling me to dream big, and never lose sight of my passions and to work even harder to do what I’ve always wanted to do. Another is telling me, forget it… Just focus on cake making and making money, what else time do you have left to pursue other interests? You’re not that great, anyway. Who would watch you, follow your journey and wish for your success? Get over yourself. Get real. You’re not that special at the end of the day. You know how many other people out there who are better than you, and want it more than you do?
So those are just some of the thoughts going on in my brain that have resulted in a very heavy and imploding heart in my chest recently. I wish I could be contented with a simple life, doing simple things, being an absolutely normal but contented person. I have met people like that and they seem happy going about their daily routines with a happy family and loving partners. Make the money, save some of it, spend the rest of it. Plenty of people work in jobs that they don’t particularly enjoy but it makes them the money to pay off the bills and that’s good enough. Why do I have to SO STUBBORN and insist that my job has to be something I love doing at the same time? Can I just snap out of this idealistic daydream and find a normal job already? Stupid person who said, “If you have a job you love doing, you’ll never have to work a day in your life again.” lied to me. Often, the stress that comes together with turning your interest into business completely ruins the meaning of why you enjoyed your passion in the first place. It rips away the pure, true untainted interest that stemmed it all from the beginning, and in its place is hideous greed and a insatiable hunger for more benefits. Sometimes I hate myself for doing this to me, for commercializing everything I ever loved, to the point where I feel like I can no longer indulge in my favorite activities without stopping to think about the possibility of even more commercial gains. Shame on me.
. . . . . .
That aside, enough whiny relentless ranting…. here’s a complete change of mood – a happy picture log from when I visited Gardens By The Bay with the fam. Even when I’m having the shittiest time in the whole wide world, nothing quite cheers me up like spending quality time with the people who matter the most.
I would love to continue wallowing in self-pity forever, but life still goes on!!!
I don’t know why it took me so long to finally visit Gardens By The Bay even though I’ve stayed at Marina Bay Sands a lot of times since its opening… but I did finally pay it a visit and it was a very enjoyable two hours!
Ho hum. I’m just waiting for my rainbow after the storm to appear in my life. Damn you overused cliche internet quotes, you’d better not cheat my naive feelings a second time.
I will always be a mummy’s girl. But I’m sorry mum if I’ve disappointed you recently when I didn’t make it through. I know you wanted it for me as much as I did for myself.
That’s the last of my emo nonsense. On to the other topic of the day – Gardens By The Bay was actually very pleasant to visit, because both garden domes are air-conditioned!!!! It was like this massive cold temperature glass house garden in the middle of my scorching but beautiful city, crammed with as many random plants as you could fit in a dome and I’m afraid my pictures don’t do it sufficient justice. You have to see it in person to know what the fuss is about! I have had two Australian couple friends visit Singapore recently and this was very high on my recommended list of things to do, they absolutely loved the experience!
I would’ve liked taking my time to snap nicer photos but my parents can’t be bothered to wait around, so all of these were snap-and-go in order to keep up with their pace. Jesus those old people sure do walk fast!
I like how I could see the city skyline from inside the gardens, it was the perfect combination of nature and urban civilization! It reminded me of how I felt standing in the gorgeous King’s Park in Western Australia, overlooking Perth’s water and city buildings.
I loveeee being surrounded by greenery, flowers, plants and trees but I absolutely HATE insects. Normally they come hand in hand together but at Gardens By The Bay, I didn’t come across any mozzies or insects that bothered me… best of all, NO BUTTERFLIES!!!! YES!!!!!
It was like a dream come true for me!
There are two domes at Gardens By The Bay, the first being Cloud Forest and the second is Flower Dome. Cloud Forest is rainforest themed with some futuristic elements, but I preferred the Flower Dome more for colorful frivolous reasons glaringly obvious in the following photos!
I admit, I’m an Instagram whore. I never stop taking pictures with my phone.
On a side note, can I just comment on how much I love my jade bangle that was only $2 from Bali? Best buy ever! I’ve been wearing it a whole lot. I’ve been on a hunt for jade-lookalike accessories but it sure as hell isn’t easy to find. Other precious stones / crystals such as rose quartz have been catching on with the trends, but not so much for my good friend Jade. My nearing-80-years-old grandmother even commented it was nice because well, grannies wear a lot of jade stuff hahaha. Clearly it’s not real jade but I have no problems with costume jewelry. They’re fun. I’m not that keen on buying real jade because they look a little too traditional… any girls know where to buy jade costume jewelry?! Let me know please!
The perfect backdrop for photos
They’re so cute together. Any elderly couple that still hold hands when they walk together are cool shit in my books.
Gardens By The Bay is the perfect place for a first date, I reckon! Imagine exchanging cute flirting back and forth while walking through these lush flowering gardens and sitting in these little pavilions basking in each others company… Ahh, young love. Or, old love works as well – even better!!!
Loved the short but sweet time I spent at Gardens By The Bay, it’s like escaping from the hustle and bustle of the city while being in the heart of the city itself… Singapore, how do you manage to outdo yourself with every new attraction? I’m so lucky to be living in this wonderful country and even though I still have this longing of wanting to live somewhere else in the world in the future, I’m glad I didn’t leave so soon for my university studies last year because there would’ve been so much that I’d missed here.
The rest of the world can wait, for now.Singapore has my heart at the moment.
It hasn’t even been 2 months since I moved into my new apartment, but it feels like a long time ago when I buried my face in my old bed sheets, huddled in a ball, in tears.
I was feeling so helplessly insecure, and vulnerable. Afraid to be independent, afraid of change and stepping out of my comfort zone….. Terrified of not having a real place to call home any more. I only had less than a month to the date which I’d have to move out of my old house by, and I still hadn’t found a place to live in yet. Every single day I was being pressured into finding a suitable place to rent that was convenient, comfortable, and within financial means. I thought to myself, “Why is this all happening to me??? I’m not even married, or ready move out yet. I don’t want to leave. Where would I go?” After frantic searching and sleepless nights, I managed to sign the papers for a rental apartment a grand whopping whole week before moving into it. That’s how screwed up and confusing the situation was – it all happened at the very last minute.
Then came a moment when he walked over, covered me with a blanket of reassurance.. looked me in the eyes and said, “I promise you, that no matter which house we end up living in, I’ll make it feel like home.” I replied, “There will be no place else in the world that’s home like this.” But I blinked away the tears, and I told myself to grow up.
…7 weeks on, here I am, sitting in my computer chair in my new place at Yishun typing this blog post to you guys, feeling a lot more independent and strong willed. It’s not home like I used to know it: I don’t know every nook and cranny of the house like I did with my old one, and I don’t have a thousand irreplaceable memories here. But I’ve made new ones with friends and family since; I feel safe, comfortable and that I belong, which is good enough a home for me, more than I even expected out of a new & foreign place.
“I do miss my old room”, I said to him one evening, while looking around my new room.
“It was just so lively and so me – full of bright colors everywhere, almost like a kid’s room, and I felt happy being in it. My current room is more spacious, however this house has such dull, depressing colors and minimal design that it looks dead. It desperately needs life and some color, too bad I can’t paint the boring white walls!”
And so, a few weeks later… I found him in his room doing this.
He’d bought some cardboard letters from a craft store that spelled out “S H I B E R T Y“…. and hand painted them my favorite color – gold!!! Needless to say, I was really surprised because I didn’t ask or hint for him to do this for me at all. It came out of nowhere (perhaps from the goodness in his heart). Thank you for sweet litle gestures like this, I don’t know who else in the world would ever do something so thoughtful for me!! *sniffles*
Here you can see him painting the letter “S”, which has funny holes in the middle of it because he cut up a number “8″ and re-assembled it to be an “S” – the craft store unfortunately ran out of stock for certain letters.. all the more opportunity for him to show how creative and dedicated he is! That’s my man.
The pretty end product of his work looks like this on my revamped bedroom wall:
Isn’t this THE BEST bed you have ever seen?! :’) Roses, fairy lights, my fluffy fat penguin boys and a glittery gold handmade “Shiberty” sign from my sweet boyfriend.
Spot the Fat Santa among his army of oversized black and white elves we brought home for Christmas!
I love coming home and opening my room door to see all of this greeting me. And jumping onto that glorious marshmallowy king sized bed!!! I feel like my whole room has come alive, with this simple addition.
It’s way more sparkly and captivating when you see it in person because the camera doesn’t capture the glitter he sprinkled on so well.
Some nights when I can’t sleep, I gaze at up these lights in the wee hours of the morning and stare at them until my eyes go out of focus, and I slowly drift off to dreamland. It looks a little like this…
When I put my favorite song on repeat and sink my head into the soft velvety pillows… my life is literally made complete at that very second. It really doesn’t take much to keep me content. Whenever I feel lonely or upset, turning on these lights instantly make me feel better. I don’t know what sort of magic it possesses.
So now, here’s me, in my natural habitat, feeling like a really fortunate girl by knowing that I can always seek solace and find home in the people I love, no matter where in the world I may end up at.
I’ve learned that home isn’t about where you live or the house you stay in -it’s the memories you make in it, and the people who share it with you. I am home, when I am with you.