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Weird Bodily Things

Bahhh I am so annoyed with myself!!!!

I PROMISED myself that I would go to the doctor’s today (and yesterday plus the day before) but I still didn’t end up going because….. I don’t even know why.

I think it’s just a childhood stigma thing – that going to the doctor’s is bad and that means there is something wrong with you (and obviously there are many things wrong with me) and for some reason I am STILL scared of doctors and never visit them even when I’m sick.

I only visit them when I absolutely have to (like high fever or something) and by then I’m usually too sick to care anyways.

The funny thing is, most of the time I go to the doctor’s only because I want to know what’s causing my problem so that I can prevent it in the future, but rarely do I ever consume the medicine that I’m supposed to take on a daily basis because I hate medicine.

Most of the time I just let myself get better on my own… Takes longer, but it builds up my immune system, no? *lies to self*

I HATE it when doctors tell you the meds are sweet or tasteless when in fact every single one of them taste like absolute fucking shit.

I’m not expecting them to taste like skittles or anything, but omg why can’t they add flavoring or something it just taste so bad!!!!

Actually it does taste like they added flavouring. Essence of Shit probably.

I CANNOT take liquid meds because I’m very sensitive towards certain taste / smells and I will gag up a storm if you force it down my throat.

Speaking of which, I think almonds taste really awful. There was once at my cousin’s wedding, they had almond paste for dessert (a whole fuckin bowl of cream of almonds soup yuck) and my mother was telling me how rude it would be to not finish the food at peoples weddings so I was forced to gulp it all down.

While I was swallowing it, I already had a very bad feeling because my tastebuds were completely rejecting it and it became so bad that I gagged really badly and almost puked right back onto my bowl after my fourth spoonful or something.

Not very pretty at all as you can imagine…

You know what’s strange? I HATE eating nuts whole (or when they’re in concentrated paste / soup form) but I’m completely ok with taking them in small quantities.

Like indian food for example – they use a lot of nuts and tons of herbs and spices. Pretty sure I would puke if I had a concentrate of each ingredient alone, but a bit of everything makes it so much more bearable.

Besides, who could like almond paste anyway?!? Yuck, wanna puke when I think about it now.

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Ok I didn’t realize just how long I’ve been rambling on. You might be wondering why I’m suddenly on the topic of medical issues..

That’s because I’ve been having the most DISGUSTING rashes / hives recently and they’re driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!


WARNING : DISTURBINGLY ITCHY IMAGE AHEAD.

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…..FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How fucking disgusting is that?!?!?!

My heart dies a little inside every time I look at that picture, because I realize that’s me.

I’ve developed this extremely itchy and ferociously vastly spreading rash on my outer thigh, near my ass.

At first there wasn’t anything there at all, the area just felt particularly itchy so I started scratching and then it evolved from particularly itchy to UNCONTROLLABLY itchy like omfg it was so bad I really wanted to cry.

It would itch SO much that I would be ripping my skin out just trying to not go crazy from the itch. It happened about a week plus ago…

The reason why I haven’t seen the doctor yet (besides the stupid reasons stated at the start of this post) is because at first, it was very mild.

Just a few red bumps at the start, but with each day the condition got worse. I would scratch myself to death at night (when I’m not aware of it) and wake up every morning with horribly inflamed rashes all over!!!

Initially I thought it was bed bugs and I freaked out so bad. I was prepared to stay at a hotel until my imagined-bed-bug-problem was fixed but then I realized it made no sense that bed bugs would bite SPECIFICALLY on my outer thighs…

It cannot be food or any other random allergies, because I’ve been staying home very often and eating exactly the same things I’ve been eating.. as far as I know, I don’t have any food allergies although my skin is VERY sensitive.. like crazily sensitive.

If any part of my body touches a foreign substance or a particularly dirty / dusty object, my skin would start to itch and turn red in about 15 seconds.

I would feel an uncomfortable tingling / burning sensation and the next thing I know, I have a spontaneous mini-rash. Lovely.

So anyway, I decided to think about this situation LONG AND HARD for the entire day, because I was sick and tired of not knowing why it’s happened and I don’t want to just go the doctor’s and have him diagnose me with something stupidly obvious because more than likely he’ll tell me I’m eating the wrong food and he’ll just give me some anti-itching cream and some anti biotics and tell me to rest well.

I HAVE to know what’s causing this madly depressing rash and I have come to believe that what’s causing me all this misery is actually….


My chair.

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YES, my beloved chair that Sam bought from ikea last year to solve all my backache problems….

I asked my maid when was the last time she cleaned my chair, and she said a few days ago, when I just went out for shopping. LIES, BITCH!!!!

Upon closer inspection, I was horrified to see that a stain I’d accidentally left on my chair a few months ago (brown chocolate sauce I think) was STILL there, so that means my maid hasn’t cleaned it in like FOREVER!

I was so pissed off with her because obviously she’s lying and she never does her work properly!!! *angry*

1) I left the webcam on that day when I went out, Sam said he never saw her cleaning it and 2) The chair is absolutely filthy!

Knowing my super sensitive skin and looking at the state of my chair and the many months of bacteria and germs I allowed to build up on it, I think it’s highly likely that it’s my chair that’s causing my fugly, unbearable rashes.

I went nuts just now and rubbed hand sanitizer in crazy amounts all over my chair, my keyboard, my make up.. ANYTHING that could be collecting germs.

I didn’t have anti-bacterial wipes and I figured just soap wasn’t enough, so hand sanitizer works too right… RIGHT?!?

Dunno but whatever.

Well anyway after cleaning my chair, my ass feels so much less itchy after sitting on it!! Maybe it’s just my imagination but I feel better already.

I thought I’d just share this experience with you guys, because anything could happen to anyone!

I suggest you go wipe your phone with anti-bacterial wipes before you face starts to break out!!!!!!!!


LIKE THIS!
Le sigh. Just a gentle reminder…

I’m hopefully going to the doc’s later with my mum, just to make sure I don’t have herpes or anything. Lol just kidding. But I still should go to the doc’s.

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While we’re on the topic of Weird Bodily Things, I thought I might as well make this post more interesting by sharing with you guys what weird things I can do with my body!

Well I can’t make my ears move or do cartwheels, but I can….


Roll my tongue into weird ass shapes!!

I can do a U shape, I can do some cool “backflips” and twist and turn it, and of course… the “flower” shape you see in the above picture!!!!

Well it’s not very well done there because it’s hard to take a close up of your tongue with a heavy DSLR camera while maintaining that position lol

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Another Weird Bodily Thing about me is that…


I am strangely flexible in certain areas for somebody who never stretches.
Take my fingers for example!!!!

I can bend it back superrr far
by just using my muscles and not pulling it back with anything.

It may not look like very much, but try bending your fingers backwards like that and I’m pretty sure mine goes back way more than yours!!!

Not that I’m trying to show off or anything, since it’s not exactly a talent, but y’know… just sayin’ LOL.

(actually apparently it is, a thai person saw that and was very impressed, she insisted I should take up thai dance classes because they have very elaborate hand movements. hah!!!!)

Ok gonna end this disturbing post as quickly as I started it.

Sorry if I made you itchy just by looking at my rash pics, because I know how terrible it looks!!!!!

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So what kind of Weird Bodily Things do you guys have?

Can you move your ears? Or perhaps, touch the tip of your nose with your tongue? Can you move your little toe without moving the rest?

Or maybe you have had a really fucked up rash before, just like the one I’m having now? *sighs and sympathizes*

I really hope this rash clears up ASAP because I’m leaving for Australia in about a week.. omg cannot wait.

Talk to you guys soon!!!!

xoxo,
Jess

Secret Sunday!!!

So I had the most brilliant idea when I was out with my family just now. (I had the PERFECT Sunday omg had so much fun ^.^)

I will be doing a weekly feature on my blog, where one random day out of the week, I’ll be blogging about certain topics that can be requested by you guys!!!

The most requested topic (can be ANYTHING at all that you want me to blog about) or the most interesting one would be the next week’s topics!

If there are no specifically suggested topics, then I’ll come up with something random myself.. Or at least this is the plan, if I manage to follow through with this.

The topics could be whatever, perhaps you’d like my opinion on a current issue, or maybe ranging from sharing hopes and dreams, to personal details, or memorable experiences and even funny / embarrassing moments!!!

So I’m going to go ahead and start the ball rolling…

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Since today is Sunday, I will name this post “SECRET SUNDAY!”

Inspired by the amazing website PostSecret

As the title suggests, I’ll be sharing with you guys a secret I’ve been hiding from everyone else and have never found the courage (or need) to tell anyone.

It’s kinda social suicide, but hey, at least it makes for a good blog topic.. I THINK.

Well here goes.


This story takes place back when I was about 15 years old and still in high school.

It was just one of those days when I was hanging out at my classmate’s place while lying to my mother that I had “school projects” to do (but really we were just surfing friendster profiles) and if only I knew that it was going to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

At that point in time, I had a “special” illness. Ok I wouldn’t really call it an ILLNESS per se, but there was definitely something wrong with me…

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You see, I had an infection… down south.

And if you don’t get what that means, I’m saying I had an infection down there. Like down THERE, DOWN there. You geddit?!?!


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Don’t ask me how does one get an infection down south because I wouldn’t know!!!

I practice good hygiene okay but it’s probably one of those teenage girl problems we all have to go through, I talked to my friends when I had it and they’ve been through the same thing before.

This INFECTION down south makes everything really itchy and uncomfortable, and the worst part of all has definitely got to be the fact that it made me pee a LOT.

And not just pee a lot, it also made me

unable to control WHEN I pee.

I don’t know why, maybe the infection fucked up my bladder or labia muscles somehow (HAHAHAHAHA) but it was the first time in my life that I couldn’t control my urges to go to the bathroom!!!!

I would be like sitting in the living room, happily and innocently watching TV…. and suddenly my eyes go big and you’ll see me jumping up and sprinting to the bathroom because I need to pee.

And when I needed to go, I NEEDED TO GO.

I had no control whatsoever and it doesn’t even give me a warning. T____T

If I don’t go within a few minutes, I would pee in my pants.

…………………

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That very fateful day, stupid me decided that it would be a good idea to hang out at a friend’s place while having that infection and so I did, while taking necessary precautions.

I made sure I was wearing loose underwear (easy to take off HAHAH ok too much info here?) and that I was always near enough to her house’s toilet, so whenever nature calls, I could sprint there in time.

And everything worked out fine.

My friend had a good laugh at me when I told her about my situation, but at least she understood why halfway through our conversation and I’d suddenly jump up and run away.

We had a fun time at her place for a few hours, but it was getting dark already and time for me to go home.

I made sure to go to the bathroom one last time to “empty” myself out (this post is so vulgar) so that I wouldn’t have to pee on the way home…

We said our goodbyes, then I went downstairs and tried to flag taxis under her block.

It was during peak hour so pretty much every damn cab was taken…

I waited for about 15 minutes but no fucking taxi was stopping for me, and it was already quite late at that time (for a teenager to be out by herself), my mother was being very pushy and I started feeling like I needed to pee again so I was getting extremely desperate.


FINALLY,
after about 20 minutes, I saw an empty promising cab in the distance that looked like it might stop to give me a ride!

The problem was, as the cab was driving nearer and nearer to me, I could also feel my urge to go to the bathroom becoming stronger and stronger.

I told myself, “You’d better take this taxi or mummy is going to kill you for being late again” so keeping up that persistent attitude, I tried to hold my pee in… but when the cab was finally about 1 metre away from me, I HAD TO GO, LIKE NOW.

I knew that it was now or never!!!!! If I wanted to make it out alive.

I made a sharp U-turn and bolted towards my friend’s house (the taxi driver must have taught I was absolutely out of my mind for frantically flagging his cab and then running away)

but the fucking cheebye lift took so damn long to come down (I hate HDB lifts coz a lot of retards like to press buttons on every floor)

and by the time the lift came, I was about to burst and I was really jumping up and down doing the “pee” dance.

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You know the pee dance???

The one where you start shifting from your left foot to your right and making strange bobbing movements (usually while holding your crotch), hoping nobody around notices you’re going to explode?

Yea, that’s the only dance I’m good at.

Well anyway the other person in the lift was giving me very weird looks and I was so afraid I was going to urinate myself right there and then in front of him because that would be so awkward… Awkward indeed.

Fuck you stranger, what are you looking at?! Never seen a girl with a funky infection that desperately needs to pee dancing in front of you before????

All that time I could only remember thinking, “DAMN IT JASMINE! Why do you have to live on the 13th floor?!?” (it was years ago but I THINK she stays on 13th floor)


After about ten gazillion bajillion thousand years,
the lift doors finally opened on her floor and I rushed right to her doorstep, only to remember that her house doesn’t have a DOORBELL.

Suay max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I seriously wanted to die,
and I can’t remember what I did next, but I probably took out my handphone and started dialing her number or simply yelled into her house,

“I’M AT YOUR DOOR! OPEN IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!”

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But the only thing I DO remember is that by the time Jasmine got to the door,

…I had already wet myself.

Like FULL ON peed in my fucking pants, my uniform was drenched and it was dripping down my legs and into my school shoes and socks (FML seriously) and I remember feeling very tragic and wanting to burst into tears.

I couldn’t keep it in (not my fault, infection ok!!!) and it just went everywhere and seriously nobody would ever want to be in that situation :’((((((

WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!?!?!?!!?

I can’t really remember what happened next - like how the fuck did I explain to my classmate that I just peed all over her door step?

I remember the look she gave me though, and I’ll never forget how she laughed so hard at me and went “OMG, you peed yourself on my doorstep, omg.”

I think she was pretty grossed out hahahaha I WAS TOO OK!!!!!!!!!!

I just remember walking to her bathroom and washing myself up while constantly mumbling, “This is not happening… this is not happening” but it obviously happened because later on I had to carry home my urine-drenched uniform and socks in a smelly plastic bag.

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…..And the rest went down in history.

If that’s not one of the most embarrassing moments in my life, I don’t know what is!!!

Lucky for me, my friend was quite understanding and didn’t really make a big deal out of it (she knew I was “sick) and I hope she didn’t tell anyone!!!

Well I guess it wouldn’t really matter if she told anyone now, because I basically just told the whole world that I peed my pants outside my friend’s house on my blog.

CLASSY, JESSICA!!!!

….But yeah.

I don’t believe ANYONE’S embarrassing moment can top mine!!!!!!

We all know little children pee their pants, but I was in fucking high school for gods sake. And it was only 3 years ago, now that I think about it HAHAHAHAHA.

What the fuck man.

Thankfully that infection didn’t last for very long, it went away within a few days and I made sure I didn’t leave my house (or my toilet) at all during that period of time.

Don’t wanna urinate on TOO many peoples doorsteps… one’s more than enough, thank you!!!!

It was a secret that I’d kept for 3 years but since it totally doesn’t bother me now, I thought it’d be funny to share with you guys.

It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes!!!!! I mean, we all shouldn’t take life so seriously right?!? Don’t laugh too hard at me, maybe YOU will get an infection down south and pee your own pants soon ok!

Well I hope that this story was moderately entertaining or funny and that you didn’t get too grossed out while reading it LOL.


That’s the end of my Secret Sunday.

What about you guys?
What is YOUR best kept secret that you’ve never told anyone else?

It could be anything particularly or memorably funny, embarrassing, daring, or just downright wrong, like mine!!! LOL

You can leave comments anonymously if you don’t want people to see your real identity :)

If you’d peed yourself in public before, I would love to know HAHAHA. Oh and if you have any suggestions for next week’s topic, do tell!!

xoxo,
Jess

How I’ve changed over time

Time REALLY REALLY REALLY flies, especially when you’re a teenager.

I can’t believe how much I’ve changed in a few short years.. Not just looks-wise, but how much I’ve grown as a person as well.

I’ve started writing a blog, I graduated from high school and got into a private uni, I made new friends and lost old ones, I got a boyfriend then dumped that one and got a new one, and so much more…

Inspired by my friend Gwen’s recent blog post, I decided to compile a list of my pictures since the beginning of 2007 until now because it’s always fun to laugh at old photos of yourself! That’s a 3 year time span.

Some pictures may be quite shocking or disturbing so be prepared!!

2007:


OMG I looked so boyish back then!!!!

“Thin layered ah lian hair” was all the rage at that time, despite my mother constantly telling me how awful I looked, I was so convinced I was being stylish ahahah FML

HAHAHAHAH TRAGIC!!!!

As you can see I had just discovered make up and was very fascinated by the fact that I could have colorful eyes wtf the adventures of a 15 year old

THOSE ARE THE WORST FALSE EYELASHES EVERRRR

Thank goodness I was only crazy about the bright blue eyeliner for awhile… I would do anything just to be “different” -_-

After this I started piling on eyeliner, super thick falsies and dark brown eyeshadow!!!! But still having the super thin hair wtf

Somehow within 2 months I stopped looking like an idiot and my make up skills suddenly got considerably better. LOL obviously trying sooo hard to look “appealing” here

*opens eye big big and lies on bed with hand in hair*


I permed my hair!!!

But it looks so pathetic coz I had almost no hair wtf. And the curls lasted only for 1 day, damn tragic.

Omg I look so crazily young hereeeeeeeeeeeeeee and the freaky thing is I still look 100% similar, just with different hair and make up.

And then I discovered photoshoots lol this was during a creative make up shoot, where I had gorgeous diamantes stuck all over my face!!!

SUPER FUN!
Probably one of my most fav shoots out of so many I’ve done.

I look eurasian here wtf (besides the fact I was cock-eyed)!!!! Must be the hair and professional make up. I wish my real eyebrows looked like that :(

I was super fair back then but the photographer made me look like Pocahontas wtf.

Until today I still think this picture is quite chio!!!

Some other photoshoots obviously weren’t quite as glamorous though. I look so auntie here T_T

My hair was so amazingly frizzy back then!!! Don’t know how I could live with it. Anyway this is my last picture for 2007 lol

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2008:

I discovered hair extensions… but hair still looks crappy cuz too frizzy and dry!!! When I first posted this pic on my blog I received a lot of compliments for it but I could never understand why.

I look like 30 and I don’t even look like me -_-

I started drawing my eyebrows reallyyyyy thin which was a huge mistake because everyone knows too thin eyebrows = trashy!!!

I’ve always had a problem with my eyebrows.. They’re either drawn out of shape, too dark / thick or too thin. FML I can’t wait to get my brows permanently done!

Not long after I decided to give bangs a go. Probably a good move since I was looking 10 years older than I actually was lol. I looked young again!!!!

My bangs grew out but still looked pretty decent…. And that top is gorgeous!! Where the hell did that disappear to?!? Awesome shade of green!

Halloween 2008. MAJOR FML HERE!!!!!!!!!!

WTF WERE YOU THINKING JESSICA OH NOOOOOOOO.

Those fucking thick black eyebrows, the lens-less glasses frame, the overload of make up…. *dies*

Me at Bintan, end of 2008.

LOOKING VERY NORMAL compared to the picture above.

I don’t know why but I always seem to have random fugs. It’s like throughout the years, I’d look bad, then normal, then suddenly really bad again -____-

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2009:

Note to self - Don’t wear colour contacts that make you look like an alien!!!!

That was the first time I’ve dyed my hair, you might notice the brown-ish undertones.

I decided enough was ENOUGH, I was done with frizzy shitty hair and finally chopped it off once and for all!!!!!!!

BEST move yet!

This was the shortest I’ve ever had my hair actually.

I still prefer longer hair, but my severely damaged hair couldn’t be saved by any treatment or products, so cutting it short and letting new hair grow was the best option. You’ll see the drastic changes to my hair in the next few pictures, like a gazillion times smoother.

Happy!!!!

Super love my fake eyelashes here!!! I wonder which pair I was wearing… My ends still a bit chui but it got better really quickly.

I had on extensions for a month + (again) before I got tired of them (AGAIN) and took em out lol

But not before I thought having a few strands of pink extensions would add a nice touch -.-”””

TA-DAH!!!

Pretty healthy hair yay tyvm!!!!!!!! After so much hard work and time. I can say I have shiny and smooth hair now :’)

Started curling my hair a whole lot more at the end of 2009…


Finally, 2010:

Dyed my hair this orangey golden copper reddish colour.

Dunno what sort of colour that is lol but it’s a change!

My roots started to grow out again..

And my eyebrows have officially switched colour – they are now brown hahahaha

Had extensions AGAIN… Yes yes I know, it’s getting predictable!!!!!

I’m really old fashioned and boring when it comes to hairstyles. Anyone have suggestions on what hair I should have next?

Bought the most realistic looking short wig and fooled alot of you guys!!! Hehehehe


And this is what I look like now.

My new colour is like a deep chestnutty reddish brown and I love it!!!! It covers my copper-ish undertones from before.

I’ll let you guys know more about my dye job once my advertorial gets approved!

My make up is pretty much the same, the biggest difference is probably the fact that I always wear red lipstick nowadays!!!! I used to stay away from it in the past (well 15 year olds generally don’t look too fab wearing it)

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….And that’s how much I’ve changed in 3 years!

Pretty impressive if I do say so myself!!!!!

Not trying to sound conceited or anything, but I believe I’ve gotten better looking each year and fixed most of my major problems (bad make up, frizzy hair, weird eyebrows etc) so go me!

The only problem is I gained a shit load of weight LOL and I have no idea how to fix it. Actually I do but I can’t be bothered -_-

Which year did you guys think was my worst? I bet it was the blue eyeliner one HAHAHAHAH actually the halloween 2008 was pretty effing bad too. AGAIN I had blue eyeliner during one of my major fugs omg this is a sign from god.

Note to self #2 - Stay away from blue eye make up.

xoxo,
Jess

Make up tutorial video!!!!

Ok so I’m finally done with my make up tutorial video!!

Although I think the video is relatively brief and I don’t know why so many people would request this when there are much better Youtube make up gurus out there,

I decided to do it anyway cuz I’m nice like that so here you go:

I also skipped the eyebrows part cuz I’m really bad at drawing them and they look crappy anyway so yeah. My eyebrows are extremely thin / scarce, they’re basically non-existent lol

Only after filming and editing this video did I realize I completely forgot to conceal!! That’s why the areas around my mouth and under my eyes are dark… but whatever.

Don’t laugh at my bare nude face ok.

Products I used in this video:

Blusher from Chanel

Red Lipstick from Chanel

Pencil Eyeliner from Revlon

Liquid Eyeliner from some random Japanese brand that I can’t read

Highlighter from Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy Collection (2 USD only, what a steal!)

Fake Eyelashes from Far East Plaza, $20 a box.

Eyeshadow Primer from Stage

All Eyeshadow Colours from Stage (from their burlesque palette)

Lipgloss from Stage (I love this brand! So affordable but quality definitely comparable to MAC’s)

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If you have any questions, feel free to ask me (nicely duh)!!!

And is the video quality too blurry or pixelated? It’s freaking HD on my computer, but by the time I edited and uploaded it to Youtube, it became really shitty. -_-


Let me know!!!!

Other than that I hope you like it :D

xoxo,
Jess

Procrastinating

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I’m sitting in my room, all alone, it’s past midnight and I find myself thinking about all the things I could do with my life.

As I do, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

I don’t wanna be one of those people who looks back on their life and wonder where did all the time ago. Life is too short to be sitting around on my ass all day

xoxo,
Jess
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