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We Are The World

Seeing as I don’t know what pictures to post to suit this entry, I’m just going to upload a random picture of me that’s not necessarily related to this post at all.

I just came back from school, and instead of attending a lesson we actually had singing auditions! It was for some music video my school was going to film and they were looking for talents. It’s compulsory if you want your attendance marked (my school is SUPER uptight about attendance) so everyone had to go through it.

It was quite a unique experience, there was excitement in the air as it buzzed with giggles and nervousness of students who had mixed feelings about the impromptu idea of auditioning your voice in front of everyone as they just stood there, all ready to objectify you and to judge whether you have talent or not.

I was nervous too. I mean, you don’t just reach school feeling all lazy and reluctant and suddenly you’re told to sing in front of a crowd. I don’t know why I get stage fright, since I reckon I sing and speak pretty well but I suppose I’m always afraid of screwing up. I’m the sort of person who kicks myself again and again over situations whereby I felt I could have done better. If people were present to judge me and to remember it, even worse.

Turns out all that worrying was for nothing.

Surprisingly, or to be truthful not that surprisingly, I got picked for a role and it looks like I’ve accidentally signed up to be part of some “We Are The World” music video my school is going to produce soon. It’s a good thing though, for the first time ever I feel like I’m actually participating in a school-related activity, even if it’s just for some video.

I’ve never been one to be active in school, be it participating in lessons or mixing around with friends. I try to skip as much of it as I can.

I bumped into an old classmate at the recording studio, and we got talking. He told me that my old class missed me when I was gone. (I switched class) I told him not to lie and he had to convince me he’s not. It’s nice to hear something like that from a person whom you thought didn’t care about your existence, even if it was said only to make you feel better.

Somehow, we ended up discussing “class politics” and I said I don’t know very much about it since I distance myself from everyone.

He said, “I can see that”

There’s something about the look in his eyes when he said that sentence made me wonder what kind of person other people think I am. Most of the time I really don’t give two hoots, but I won’t deny that at times I do get curious. Sometimes I feel regretful that I don’t try to socialize very much with people at school, because it’s heartwarming to see how close classmates can be but ever since high school, I’ve shut myself out from people around me.

Sometimes I envy people who have a thousand and one friends, because most of the time I feel like I have none. Sometimes I wish I could open up to people more, and try to find some good in them that would make me want to put in effort to be friends with them. Sometimes I feel lonely, and I feel like I’ve got no one to hang out with. Sometimes I wish I was like everyone else.

But as time passed, I realized that I am nothing like everyone else. Not implying that I am better than them in any way, but I just feel different. I am different. We are all different. And I don’t want to try and fit in with the crowd.

I cannot go up to someone and smile at them and strike up a conversation just because they’re my classmate. I’m not the sort of people who is friends with everyone.

I find it pointless to have small talk with people I honestly don’t really care about. I know that the only reason why I am talking to them is because they are convenient conversations. They are people who happen to be stuck in the same classroom with me at school.

Sadly, they are nothing more than that and my assumptions are only proven right when holidays come and I realize I don’t make any effort in staying in contact with them after lessons have ended.

I only want to be friends with someone whom I’m not making use of / someone who’s not making use of me, someone who is not convenient but I would go out of my way just to be in touch with and someone whom I feel can add positive meaning to my life. Someone whose company I actually enjoy.

And I think I’ve realized just how hard it is to find that special someone.

I know I’m expecting a lot out of just a friend, you don’t have to remind me. It’s the reason I have so little. I think the ones that I do have, I can count with my fingers on one hand.

I can get along with people just fine, but I find it so hard to like someone enough to want to get to know them better, to feel like they are worth my time. I don’t know if this may come across as being snobbish, but trust me, I wish things wouldn’t have to be this way too.

I suppose I don’t give people a chance, that’s why I don’t get any either.

Being the way I am has forced me to become comfortable with being alone. I used to be afraid of loneliness, but then I realized it really isn’t all that bad after all.

It means not having to suck up to anybody I don’t particularly like. And that’s something I find very appealing about being alone. I get to do things my way, whenever I want, however I want. Most of the time I find that people are more trouble than they are worth.

Being alone doesn’t mean I don’t have anybody to talk to. The only people I want to talk to, I make damn sure I have plenty of contact with them, like Sam and family. The rest of them, I tend to forget about their existence, as they do with mine.

Sometimes I feel quite surprised that I have a fairly significant amount of blog readers. Because most of the time, the things I say in my blog are things people can’t be bothered listening to in real life. It makes me wonder if there really are people out there who care about the littlest things I do or say, that makes them want to read about it constantly on a website that’s poorly named “Underage-Girl”

I understand that one of the reasons I distance myself from people is because I feel like my opinions can’t be accepted, and we’re just not on the same level. The things that I find interesting, they find boring and vice versa. We don’t laugh at the same jokes, we don’t enjoy the same activities and most importantly, I’m afraid to offend people.

When I talk to people, I always find it to be a huge battle between the person I want to be and the person people would like me to be. A few years ago, some friends whom I used to be really close with called me a hypocrite because they said that I’m different from who I am in real life and on my blog.

I wanted to cry out to them, to let them know that who I truly am is what I am on my blog and even though they were my best friends, I just couldn’t be who I really was. For that, I felt like they never forgave me and ever since then I’ve distanced myself from people.

I told myself that if my true opinions are so easily disregarded or not welcome, then perhaps I shall give no opinions at all. It’s all, or nothing.

Till this day, I enjoy living in my little bubble filled with just my boyfriend and my family. Surround myself with only the things I love. I offend much less people this way, and I get to be 100% who I’d love to be. Say the things I wanna say, do the things I wanna do.

No more impressing other people or badmouthing them. No more insignificant conversations and no more having to keep up with other people’s affairs. Once in awhile, a friend comes to talk to me and I’m glad to be reminded that I still have people I’m happy to call “friends” out there. The fewer, the better – that just goes to show how important they are to me.

I’m not saying that every single person out there isn’t worth my time. In some cases, I have tried opening up to people I like but it looks like I’m not worth theirs.

Maybe one day I can bring myself to appreciate the beauty in other people. Find that there’s much more to them I didn’t know about. To stop being so quick to judge them.

But for now, I just like focusing all my attention on myself and the people close to my heart. As self-centered as it sounds, I like who I have become. I love the fact that I have no doubts about my opinions, no fears for standing up for myself because I owe nobody nothing. This way, I never have to apologize for being the way I am.

I love not having to answer to anyone for my actions. I never have to give a reason for what or when or why I do.

Maybe this explains why in recent times I only blog about Sam and Jess, Jess and Sam. I feel like he is the only one in this world who truly appreciates me. He accepts my flaws, my personality, my opinions and everything that comes along with it. I try to accept his, too.

In the future, if I am fortunate enough to find that special person I can call my best friend, I’ll be sure to let you guys know.

xoxo,
Jess

Lepidopterophobia

Everyone is afraid of something. Whether they’d like to openly admit it or not.

My phobia happens to be Lepidopterophobia.

Big word huh? Sometimes I feel like my phobia name is actually mocking me.. but that’s ok. I suppose it is a rather silly phobia at first impression, but when you really look and think about it properly, maybe I won’t seem so crazy after all.

According to this source,

“Community for people that fear butterflies and moths is known as Lepidopterophobia. The after affect of this is anxiety which is termed as Anxiety Lepidopterophobia.

The word Lepidopterophobia dereives from the word Lepidopterans which is any of the large order (Lepidoptera) of insects comprising the butterflies, moths, and skippers that as adults have four broad or lanceolate wings usually covered with minute overlapping and often brightly colored scales and that as larvae are caterpillars.”

I got this from a website about depression -_-

I don’t think I’m depressed, but I definitely feel anxious about Lepidopterophobia!

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Yes, I am afraid of Butterflies and Moths.

..Wait, don’t laugh just yet!!!!! They are more scary and harmful than they seem!

Now you’re probably wondering why I would be scared of supposedly “harmless, beautiful creatures”? May I correct this warped bullshit by just reminding you that they are NOT pretty!!! (and certainly not harmless)

How the fuck are butterflies “beautiful”?! Insects, in any form, are DISGUSTING.

I hate every insect, but with moths and butterflies… It’s a different kind of war man.


Take a look at them CLOSE-UP, and judge for yourself!!!

WARNING: Squeamish people who hate insects with a passion, especially moths and butterflies should be mentally prepared to look at a terrorizing image.

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OHHHHHHHMYYYYYYYGOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD.
*finds it hard to breathe*

I can’t believe I posted a picture of a fucking ugly butterfly on my blog!!!!!! My blog is polluted now. Wait, scratch that, there is no such thing as an ugly butterfly. They are ALL ugly.

I mean, will you please look at that thing!!!! It is not pretty at ALL, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! You know what’s really pretty? Me. Haha.

Ok sorry I just had to put that bit in.

BUT SERIOUSLY IS THAT FUCKING DISGUSTING OR WHAT OMFG HYPERVENTILATING NOW.

It’s fucking hairy, it looks damn evil with those beady eyes, it has freakishly long and thin antennas and it has so many legs and the fattest abdomen ever!!!

I feel myself die a little inside every time I look at that image.

I know people find the “wings” the pretty part, but will you just look past the supposedly “pretty” wings *barfs* and actually take a look at WHAT’S UNDERNEATH?

Haven’t we always said that “it’s what’s beneath the surface and what lies on the inside that counts”?


Well guess what!!!!

What lies beneath the surface of this supposed “pretty thing”…

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IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All butterfly / moth bodies look very similar so there!!! They are all hideous.

Many people say their wings come in pretty shapes and designs, but personally I think they look damn freaky and dangerous. Kind of reminds me of ugly freakish bright patterns that natives draw on their faces and masks when they go to war.

That’s what nature teaches you - unnecessarily brightly colored designs?

DEFINITELY DANGEROUS.

“Butterflies will not harm me, but they will make me harm myself.”

I know moths are less brightly colored…

But don’t even get me started on them.


WTF IS THIS?!????? Possibly even uglier then butterflies! *shudders*

You know what’s the worst part?

There are heaps of ugly creatures created by mother nature, but I don’t go out of my way to hate them just because they are ugly. What I truly, fucking hate about butterflies and moths is how supposedly “beautiful” and “harmless” they pretend to be, when in fact they are evil little blood suckers.

Kind of like the dirty cheap slut who won’t stop flirting with your boyfriend in a “friendly manner”!

Very few know of their true form, and those who do hate them with a vengeance just like I do!

I hate how butterflies and moths have NO sense of direction,

and they send themselves FLYING INTO YOUR FUCKING FACE.

First of all, they sneak in to your house through a tiny opening by the window when you’re not looking like a ninja then they find themselves a cozy spot on your wall.

Then they wait.

They wait for hours, days, just for you to come home….

Never once, do they leave their spot. They lie in the darkness, preferably in the toilet so when poor innocent Jessica switches on the bathroom light at 3am to pee, what does she see?

A FUCKING BIG, BLACK MOTH FLUTTERING AROUND MADLY IN HER FACE.

“Omfg it’s attacking me!!! It wants to eat me!!”


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With every other animal / insect in this world, when they sense danger, they will run away. But no. Cb butterflies and moths will just flutter around like crazy with disgustingly powdery furry wings and terrorize you even further.

And call me crazy, but I believe that moths / butterflies can sense fear.

They ALWAYS fly towards the one who is scared of them.

I’ve tried so many ways to avoid them but somehow they always find their way towards me. I am not crazy, I wish somebody would believe me!!!


Scenario 1 -
I come home late at night. Very aware that moths are the most active this late, I am paranoid and check every corner of my corridor to make sure there’s no cb moth lying in wait to attack me.

The coast is clear. I let out a sigh of relief.

I let my guard down, and ring the doorbell. Just to be be completely sure and make myself feel better, I do one last spot check while my maid comes to get the door.

….OMG WTF IS THAT?! Tell me that’s not a fucking big, black moth that I missed out in the corner!!!

Omg plz don’t notice me plz don’t attack me I’m just going to go inside my house and leave you alone you can attack my brother who thinks you are harmless…”

Then WHAM!

Moth immediately reads my mind and feeds off my fear.

One second it was completely still, almost looked asleep but the very next thing I know it comes FLYING TOWARDS ME AT 100KPH and flutters around my face.


T______________T

Why do they ALWAYS go for my face?!? The powdery substance on their body can blind our eyes! Not permanently, but still.

When whining to Sam one night, he in all seriousness said, “perhaps they want to feed off the proteins in your eyeball.”


WTF?


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The list of reasons why they are creepy goes on and on.

I find it freaky how they keep ramming their heads into light bulbs over and over again!!

I find it freaky how they were LARVAE at first, before becoming winged creatures of doom. OH MY GOD.

Flying larvae!! How is that not scary.

I get so freaked out when I see moths and butterflies, I will run away faster than you can ask where I’m going. I will scream and cry if one gets too near. And I will punch anybody who gets in my way of escaping.

I think one of the scariest experiences in my life is when I was showering late at night, happily splashing myself with cold water.

I already checked my bathroom beforehand to make sure it was moth free.

And out of NOWHERE, this fucking big black moth appeared (yes, my house area is full of this species) and started fluttering around crazily!!!

I couldn’t do anything because I was completely naked and wet, and the moth was fluttering in FRONT of the door, therefore I couldn’t escape!

I was so terrified because it was coming dangerously near me, all I did was sit down in a corner and cry, at the same time holding up the shower head in front of me to spray water so it wouldn’t come any nearer. In the end I had to call for my maid to get it out for me. All of this while still naked and crying LOL.

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So yeah…

I don’t really know where I got this phobia from, ever since I could remember I’ve been having nightmares about them and frankly speaking it would be a lot more convenient if I was the kind of girl who could just be brave and swat the insect away!

It also doesn’t help that my numerous traumatizing encounters with these creatures also elevated my fear. I reckon people who don’t hate insects are the people who are fortunate enough to not get caught in fucked up situations where they’re all over your face, on your bed, or just making your life a little more miserable for that 1 minute.

I was reading www.ihatebutterflies.com (GREAT WEBSITE!!!) and came across this really interesting theory:

“I saw this programme once about phobias. They were mainly focused on arachnophobia (which I note several of us here don’t have), but they also interviewed a woman who was terrified of cats. The experts analysis of her fear was that it was something about the nature of cats which she found disgusting (this was a big breakthrough, incidentally, that the roots of the ‘fear’ actually appeared to lie in disgust).
Her personal shrink reckoned that, since she was rather a prudish individual – for want of a more neutral term – she found cats’ free-roaming, unshackled existence to be abhorrent.
I’m a person who likes to know where I have things, and know where I stand. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that the flittery, panicked, chaotic and random movement of moths and butterflies is what really puts me off the little fuckers in the first place.”

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And that’s totally true!
I know that moths will not eat me alive, but I hate the fact that I CANNOT stop them from coming near me. Personal space man!!!

I hate their super fast, super unpredictable movements because I cannot defend myself.. and I’m a very defensive and jumpy person by nature.

I also hate the fact that they seem to make no effort in avoiding humans. They just smack into your face all the time.

I also hate the fact that people think they are so cute / harmless / whatever, fuck you if you are one of those people!!!!

Lastly, I also hate the fact that some people make fun of me because of my phobia. Yes, I know it is irrational but I don’t laugh at other peoples phobias!

I’m not scared of heights, small spaces, roller coasters, spiders, snakes, rats, or any other common phobias. I just really hate insects, moths / butterflies in particular.


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…….So that’s my story about Lepidopterophobia.

I feel so much better after typing all of this out because it’s something that has been bothering me deeply for the longest time!

The first step to overcoming your fear is acknowledging it.

I suppose I’ve taken a step forward. I never used to talk much about it and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at pictures. Now the pictures are on my blog!!!!


How about you guys?
What are YOU really afraid of?

Come and share with me, no matter how irrational or silly it seems! Nothing I would laugh at. I’m afraid of butterflies and moths.

Leave a comment, I’d love to know!

Makes me feel less alone when people share their common fears.

P.S – Does anyone have the code to include the date at the top of your post? I can’t seem to extract it out of a normal blog skin! Do share!! ^.^

xoxo,
Jess

Flying with Bob’s Balloons over Florida

I consider myself to be an extremely wishful person.

I want many, many things in life, even the most random stuff and going on a hot air balloon happens to be one of them.

There’s something extremely tantalizing about seeing little specks of colorful balloons gliding in the air.

Why are balloons so magical?

It always puts a smile on peoples faces, no matter if you’re 5 or 50 years old.

Are you one of those people who will keep your eye on a balloon floating into the distant sky until you lose sight of it? I know I am.

Once again, I reckon this has something to do with my desire to be closer to a world completely unexplored..

Much like the deep blue ocean, there’s something appealing about being way up in the sky and amongst the clouds.

Everybody wants to feel like they can fly.

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We got picked up from our hotel by Bob’s Balloons in the wee hours of the morning so that we could be the first to catch a glimpse of a beautiful sunrise.

I’m wearing the same coat over and over again coz it was the warmest clothing I had @__@

I wasn’t expecting such cold temperatures… We had flurries of snow in Las Vegas the previous time I was there, and it wasn’t even this cold.

First they bring out the huge lump of a balloon, and the accompanying basket plus a strong fan to blow air into the deflated balloon..

Taking a pic with it while it’s being inflated!

It was still 5+am when we were preparing for take off so it was still pitch dark.

Sam had to help them with the setting up but I was too busy taking pics :P

You’re supposed to hold the sides of the deflated balloon firmly so enough air can get in the right way.

Once they have enough air in, they use their… erm… dragon fire breathing device to heat up the air. Remember primary school science? Hot air rises!

Hence the name Hot Air Balloon. *feels smart*

Breaking dawn! And no, not the stupid book.

Busy taking pictures again… I always use two different cameras, so the pictures may appear to be very different.

O hai balloon, you’re filling up quite nicely!

It was quite a mad rush because one minute I’m just standing around taking pictures, waiting for everything to be done and the next moment they were like “Ok we’re good to go, quick, get in!!!”

Managing a hot air balloon is different from flying a plane. You don’t really get to control take off and landing, or sometimes even the course of your route. You just flow wherever and whenever the wind takes you.

And that’s the beauty of it all, isn’t it?

You hop into an oversized balloon for a ride, sitting in a basket, letting nature take its course and not really knowing what to expect or which path you’ll end up on.

Kinda just like life.

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And we’re off!!!!!!

Up, up and away we go!

Every time I look at hot air balloons, they always seem to be gliding really smoothly in the sky, so I definitely wasn’t expecting a shaky take off!

It didn’t just magically levitate itself into the sky as I thought it would lol.

We moved inch by inch, imagine someone tugging at us from one side of the basket with a rope.. That invisible rope, would be the wind itself.

Sometimes it tipped over at one side so much, our pilot had to throw his entire weight on the other side to make sure we didn’t completely fall out of the basket!

It wasn’t dangerous or anything, but it certainly was thrilling.

When we were high enough up in the air, everything stabilized… and the experience was quite surreal.

Even though we couldn’t choose our exact route, our pilot could manoeuver the balloon so that..

We were skimming over lakes one moment


And gliding over tree tops the next


Sooooo pretty!

He asked if we wanted to go really high or really low.. we decided to stay quite low so we could see everything we never would have on a plane cuz planes fly too high!

Plus it was fun yelling to people below :)

Candid excited me!

I get really excited every time we fly really low, at one point it was so low while we were flying over tree tops that some branches kinda broke off LOL



Hi baby!!!

He’s been going “zomg hot air balloon!!!” for like a month before we even went on it hehe.

I think I was being a bit of a wuss cuz I insisted that the pilot and Sam stand on the left and right side respectively so the basket wouldn’t be tipped over to one side and I wouldn’t have to feel like I’m going to fall out!

The pilot kept laughing at me and teasing me, sometimes purposely tipping the basket over so much I felt my heart drop T_T



a moment to remember


I’ve been dying to do this for so long!! ^.^

Flying in a hot air balloon is really different from parasailing, or flying in an aeroplane, etc…
When you’re in a plane, pretty much all you can see are clouds. When you’re parasailing, all that’s below you is water..

I’m amazed by how many different experiences one can get.

For some reason, when I think of hot air ballooning, I think that if there was a god, this would be his view of the world he created.

It’s like taking a step back to admire his work.

I can’t decide whether I prefer the sunrise or sunset.. They both paint beautiful colours into the sky.

*sighs*

Isn’t it absolutely stunning?

We had other people flying with us that day, check out the cute little specks in the background!


BEST way to catch a sunrise, EVER.

The whole experience lasted for about an hour, so I had plenty of time to take in the sights and sounds… and think about what a great start it is to my morning.

That’s my “deep in thought” face, and that’s our pilot being goofy. LOL. I told you he likes to tease me!

Looking at Orlando from a whole new perspective

It was funny to see the cars slow down when we were hovering really near them. They look like toy cars godzilla would pick up and eat hehe

Typical streets of Orlando



….Good morning to you too, Florida!



That’s us in the water reflection!!! ♥

I really do miss Orlando.. It was the perfect holiday :’)

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An hour passed sooner than we thought, and then it was time for us to land.

Our pilot had to pick a big enough grassland for us to land on, and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if the winds suddenly picked up and we found ourselves landing in the middle of a road or on top of a building.

But of course none of that happened, Bob’s Balloons are veterans in their field and we had a perfectly smooth landing.

….Ok I lied about perfect landing.

I wanted to take a video to show you guys how rough it actually was (landing) but my pilot strictly said I should bend my knees a little and hold on to the hand rails the whole time, until the balloon comes to a complete stop.

Once we hit the ground, we bounced up and down a couple of times before skidding a few metres across the field.

Let’s just say, landing was a lot rougher than take off.

And this time we REALLY almost tipped out.

Well, the pilot did lol.

He fell out then he used all his strength to try and hold the balloon back. It was an interesting situation. First the Sea Screamer on Clearwater Beach, now this.

Why is it whatever we are on is always tipping over?!

I also then half-wondered what would’ve happen if the balloon continued flying into the sky, with just me and Sam without the pilot?

But I’m not complaining.

It’s the unexpected things that happen in a holiday that makes it so memorable and unique ♥

I loved every moment of it.

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Sam definitely seemed to agree ;)

The moment we landed, he started singing and doing YMCA actions… I don’t even know why LOL but when Sam starts breaking into song, you can be sure he’s in a good mood!

Here’s a showcase of his silly antics just for laughs:

Y

M

C

A!!!!!!


…Hehehe silly billy!!! :>

The only thing I miss more than Orlando is my boyfriend.




Happy us!!!

We tend to act like little children whenever we get really excited or when we’re extremely happy.. We’re different, yet alike in so many ways. I think I found my soul mate :D

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We celebrated our first hot air balloon flight, the start of a great day and life itself with a complimentary champagne toast by Bob’s Balloons

They also offered chips with salsa / pastries and other yummy goodies, which I wasted no time in wolfing down ^.^

Finally, we wrapped up the experience by helping them put away the ginormous balloon.

“Come and help us, don’t worry we won’t charge you extra!”

Deflating this balloon is no easy feat, it took 5 grown men and a young girl plus a lot of effort to get everything done.

….Thank you Bob’s Balloons for making our first hot air balloon experience a wonderful one.

Now I can scratch off another item on my “Things I want to do before I die” list.
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Gliding around in the air on a basket attached to a colorful balloon while overlooking one of America’s most beautiful states?


Check.

xoxo,
Jess

Something Far Greater : Sea World

***UDPATE: I completed the post! If you only saw Part 1 previous, scroll down and you’ll see part 2

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Last night I had beautiful a dream where I was swimming with orcas in Sea World… ♥

It was the best dream I’ve ever had.

I woke up with the biggest smile and the best feeling in the world, and I knew I couldn’t postpone my Sea World post anymore.

So here goes.

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Sea World was unlike any other theme park I’ve been to.

Instead of using fantasy and imaginary characters, Sea World attracts its visitors with amazing shows and wonderful animal attractions.

I’ve been to Sea World parks quite a few times, the last one I was at was Sea World San Antonio, Texas…

And I was thrilled to find that most of the park’s key elements were kept very standardized and similar, with a few unique touches.. So you’ll get the same amazing Sea World feel no matter which park you go to!



Sitting outside Hilton waiting for our taxi

On the morning of our first visit, I kept bouncing up and down, clapping my hands and going

“I’m going to see killer whales!!! OMFG I’m going to see KILLER WHALES!!!!”


I just couldn’t contain my excitement and joy!

Originally, this trip was meant to be mainly for Disney but in the end we spent more time doing other things than on Disney.

Don’t get me wrong, Disney is absolutely bloody amazing ♥..

But there’s SO much to do in Orlando!!!!

Even though we stayed more than 2 weeks, there just wasn’t enough time.

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I’ve always been fascinated by killer whales - I remember seeing them for the first time when I was younger than 10 years old. That awe I felt when I was in their presence never left me..


I still have my first Sea World Trip souvenirs sitting on my display shelf. My favourite is a snowglobe with a picture of me and my dad riding a fake killer whale.

But it wasn’t until recently that my admiration and fascination evolved into a

FULL-BLOWN OBSESSION

That is the face of a girl so excited to be there, she just couldn’t wipe that grin off her face the entire day.

Listening to Sea World music now and feeling stupidly nostalgic.

Sea World has taken over Disney’s place for the most special theme park in the world to me now :’)

Scratch that… It’s so much more than just a theme park. It’s the place that made me realize my dreams, and reminded me that life is so much more.. if you just Believe.

You can see the Manta Ray in the background! (actually you can see it from a long distance away, we could see it from our room at the Hilton!)

Fake killer whales at the entrance… I was thrilled even to see a plastic dorsal fin.



HAPPY!!!!!!

I would kill to touch a real killer whale my bare hands one day. That’s why me and Sam are going to Alaska / Norway!!!! Actually we are also considering New Zealand and Maldives. Can’t decide omggg


This monstrosity of a roller coaster is the
Manta Ray.

The manta ray is the largest of the rays, with the largest known specimen having been about 7.6 m (about 25 ft) across, with a weight of about 2,300 kg (about 5,000 lb).

MAD HUGE!!!! WTF like a damn whale already!!!! Can’t wait to see that in real life too!

Named after the largest sting ray in the ocean, this roller coaster is inspired by how Manta Rays’ swimming motions make it seem to“fly” through the ocean.

And just like the Manta Ray, you get to “soar and fly” along with it!!!!!



MAD FUN!!! I
t’s a roller coaster like no other.

You don’t SIT on your ass, instead, you are completely lying down on your front ala Superman flying position. It really feels like you are flying, especially when it goes dowwwwwwnnnnnn!

Without a doubt, me and Sam’s fav coaster of the trip.


Look at that BADASS loop!!

I can just feel the drop in my stomach already. Woohoo I love it!!!!!

Sea World may only have three roller coasters, but they’re FAR better than the rest of the theme parks because they are so BIG and awesome!!!!

Full view of the Manta Ray.

They had 2 other big coasters,

This bad boy is called the Kraken

Inspired by a mythical sea monster

Huuugeee drops! Fun times

The last one is a coaster that runs on both water and land, called Journey To Atlantis

It starts off as a boat ride floating on water with lots of cool effects inside a building, there’s sea creatures and mermaids and what not…

Then it has this big slide:

And finally it becomes a high-speed land roller coaster, going round and round.

A really innovative idea, just like the Manta Ray!

We arrived mega early – like at 9am, so lucky for us there weren’t any lines at the rides at all since the crowds have yet to start pouring in.

We got to on them again and again and again!!!! Love! ♥

Outside the aquarium’s entrance!

I bought my first Shamu toy within 15 minutes of entering the park… I just couldn’t wait!!!

Sam loves Sea World too! Hehe

Sitting in front of a tank full of fishies :D

Oh hai there!!! Aren’t you a happy little ray?

Some gross sea sponge thingy!

Things that have suction pads really REALLY freak me out, like, starfishes, like…………….


OCTOPUSES!!
Imagine them latching themselves onto you, omfg!!!!

How come people like to eat these things?! So effing disgusting and tasteless, like rubber.

Oh god I am going to have nightmares about these. Brain, I want to dream about killer whales, not octopuses!

These needle-like creatures just kept bobbing up and down in the water! So interesting and queer.

Hehehehe that’s my boyfriend trying to take a picture of a fishie that just won’t stay still!

He’s really fascinated by animals just like me or perhaps even more, and we always watch documentaries + discuss animals together! So much fun!

Instead of solely focusing on killer whales, he’s fascinated by pretty much everything. He knows so much about them, it’s bloody amazing! He should have been a researcher or something instead of a medical scientist.

But like he said, he likes learning about them and watching them – not working with them.

I SURE AS HELL WOULDN’T MIND WORKING WITH KILLER WHALES THOUGH!

Hello you leafy sea dragon!

Why won’t you stay still for us to take a non-blurry shot of you??

Ah-hah!

My flash pwned you.

This school of fish just kept swimming in a tight circle the whole day.

Don’t they get dizzy or bored?! I know they do that in the wild to protect themselves against predators, but they’re perfectly safe in Sea World!!!

Every now and then a sting ray would purposely swim into a school of fish and disorientate them for fun. So funny!!

I dunno what this is but it looks funky! Pretty much anything that lives in the ocean fascinates me. I mean c’mon, how boring are land animals?!

No mystery to them at all!

Meh…. I wonder what they feel like? I hope I don’t accidentally touch any weird things when I go snorkeling!



Nemooo0o0o0oo0oo0oo0o0o0o



HAHAHAHAAHAHA

I think it was originally meant for kids.. had a hard time fitting myself in there :P

I adore how Sea World is both relaxing and exciting!

Heart all the water displays.






We walked around, intending to grab some breakfast but ending up getting our caricature done!

We are the best tourists to have ever – we believe in spending money during holidays. It’s not unnecessary if it makes you the slightest bit happy!!!!!!

Yay for boyfriends that aren’t stingy assholes!

“Make sure I’m pretty, ok! Long eyelashes ah!!!”

He was pretty good at persuading us… wasn’t that interested in the first place, but in the end we figured out it was a good idea lol. Plus his works were really good!

I got him to draw us in swimsuits with ridiculous figures, riding a killer whale!!!!

All done!

ISN’T IT FAB?!?!
Heheheh so cute!!!

I wonder why he drew Sam like an extremely fair black man though. I mean look at those lips and nose! I know they’re big, but wtf? LOL at least I look good.

They had swimmers in these glass tanks called “Pearl Divers” and what they do is pose for pictures the whole day and dive for fresh oysters that lie on the bottom of the tank!

The woman explained that there are oysters with pearls in them at the bottom of the tank, so you pay $15 and tell your diver to pick up a bunch of oysters for you, then you pick the one you like and you get to take home a fresh pearl!

Sounded pretty cool so we decided to try it out!

I chose the male diver because he’s cute. ♥ What???

He’s back with a bunch of oysters for me to choose from!!!

Look at his smile hahaha omg he really is quite cute! Sea World people are all uber friendly.

I picked a nice-looking oyster (actually they’re all ugly) and brought it to the counter to receive my pearl..

I name my oyster “Oystie”!

Slicing it open… Ouch

What kind of pearl would it be? You won’t know until you open it!

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Say hi to my pearl!!!!

They said it’s a blue pearl, the second rarest after the black pearl, even though it looks silver-ish. It’s so naturally round!

I always thought pearls would come in less refined shapes.

Baby bought a pretty little seashell box for it to sit in… and now it sits on my display shelf, along with my other lovely souvenirs :>

So pretty!

Amazing how a simple mistake like a grain of sand accidentally finding its way into an oyster could result in something so beautiful.

They say this earth was a mistake too..

Bf with a giant clam. I wonder if it’s fake or real?

The view from the bridge…

Random pretty pics of Sea World

They got the “theme” and “park” in Theme Park right



Hai Sea Turtle!

Everytime I see one I’m reminded of the turtles in Finding Nemo going “I WAS LIKE WOAH” hehehehe

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Stingray Lagoon!!

Where you get to touch and feed many sting rays…

I’m not a fan of touching slimy creatures, so I gave it a miss but Sam was game for it

“It feels like rubbing your hand against wet sand paper”

Flap those wings as much as you want, but you’re no birdie, Mr Ray!

Penny machines!!!! Another one for our collection

She turns your name into a piece of art. I love how she uses killer whales and dolphins!

Yipee yay!!!

Dolphins time!!!!! I ♥ them so muchhhhh

We all bought fish to feed the dolphins with.. There’s a pretty long line, because everybody wants to feed the cutesy dolphins!

Hehehe look at that dorsal fin! Compare it with the killer whale’s – another dolphin.



HELLO CUTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the squeaky high-pitched noises and clicks they make, just like orcas!!



They are so amazingly adorable!

This brought back a lot of nostalgic memories for me, I remember being like 10 years old and doing the same thing in Sea World in Texas..

My dad took so many pictures of me interacting with them, and I just had the best time feeding them and petting them for over 2 hours!



“Lookie flipper! I has fishie!!!!

I’m sure you all remember the video where those stupid sea gulls took the tray of fishes right out of our hands!!! The atrocity.

I hate sea gulls, they are so damn annoying.

Dolphins like to swim on their backs for fun.. I notice killer whales do that too!

“I want more fishies! :P”

Look at that jagged dorsal fin! Almost shark-like.

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Next stop :
SHAMU STADIUM!!!! ROAR!!!

Finally, I get to see the killer whale show called “Believe”!!!!!!!

Nothing like holding your lover’s hand and hot chocolate in the other, strolling through Sea World

It was the most beautiful day I could have asked for


…….And we reach Shamu Stadium!!!!!

Look at the amount of people!!!! This was only 1 day after Christmas.

How cool is this stadium? Check out the biggest tail fluke you’d ever see!

…WHO IS REALLY EXCITED??

I AM!!!!!


….WHO IS GOING TO SEE THE SHAMU “BELIEVE” SHOW???

♥ I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥

Thank you baby for making all of this possible!!!! I ♥ you!

The trainers come out to tell a story and entertain the crowd!

And then the moment we were all waiting for….

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OMFG DUDE IT’S SHAMU!!!!!!!!!!
*spasm*

I was so excited and mesmerized that I didn’t bother taking a video.

I just wanted to focus on being in that moment and enjoying the performance….

I decided to embed snippets of the show which I found on Youtube so you may have a vague idea of what the show is like, enjoy!


Isn’t it just so awe-inspiring?!?!?!

Every show is a little different, so you can always expect new things!



Trust me….
seeing it on video is NOTHING like seeing it in real life. When you’re in Shamu Stadium, you can literally feel every splash that Shamu makes!

That’s a baby orca, it’s so small and cute!!! By small, I mean it’s actually about 2.5 metres long at least.



I have the biggest urge to just jump into that tank with them.

Awww these cuties are dancing along to the music!!!

Shamu does his peformance well and gets a special treat!

Altogether now - AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shamu does backflip! Hehehe.

LOOK AT ALL THAT BLUBBER!!! I wants to huggles it.

Yes. This picture is so “OMG”, I know!!!!

Orca and trainer dive together….

Then they surface together, Orca does a somersault and shoots his trainer high up into the air!!!!!!!!

TELL ME THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST SHOW YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF!!!!!

These people certainly seem to agree with me.

The air’s just buzzing with excitement! Lots of gasps, clapping and cheering!!!!!

Perfect atmosphere.

Seeing trainers interact with their orcas so closely always gets me all choked up, because that’s my biggest dream in life right there..

And even though I may not get to do it, someone else who really deserves it can.

The ocean’s top predator that is both deadly and astounding can be a dear friend to a human being.

Simply amazing.



Tilikum says hi!!!!!

One part of the show, they get the killer whales to use their tail flukes to splash the audience with the water!!!

Everyone gets excited by it hahaha but people like me dodge out of the way.

It was already like 0 degrees, I didn’t want to be soaked!!!



What a big boy!



Big Tilly gives the show a grand finale!

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What can I say?


TERRIFIC!! MAGNIFICENT!!!

Just splendid. Just what I was dying to experience. It was totally worth the trip to America for.. Just that one show alone.

It filled me up with happiness, and until now, I still feel it.

These Orcas, together with Sea World, are incredibly special to me in so many ways I can’t even begin to explain.

I love them so much :’)

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HEHEHEH I wanna ride a real killer whale!!! Roar!!!



So much fun that day ♥

This fake orca may seem big enough already, but the real ones are wayyyy bigger!!!

We spotted this uber cute Sea World Beetle!

Hahaha all I need to do is paint my mum’s white beetle with a little black and blue, then attach a dorsal fin!!!!

We saw good ol’ carnival games…. From the uber fun, to the uber rigged. (c’mon, you KNOW they’re all RIGGED!!!”

AND THEN I SPOTTED



OMG HI TILLY!!!

You see that super big Orca toy hanging at the top right corner of the pic?!

The moment I saw that, I went “OMG OMGOMGGOMGGOGMGMGMGM I WANTS IT!!!!! I WANTS IT BAD

And Sam was like, “OMG yeah it’s really nice, let’s get it! Look at the size of that thing, it’s so big!!!”

We asked the carnival person whether we could buy it, and he said yes, but for $200 USD!!! WHATTHEFUCK!!! D:

200 I might as well take a domestic flight to Alaska where I can see real killer whales in the wild right!

Me and Sam were determined to get that toy, so we started playing all sorts of carnival games to try and win it… But we couldn’t!!! Damn games are rigged :(

We stupidly blew like $40 USD on the Ring Tossing game:

You’re given a tiny red ring, and you’re supposed to throw a number of them onto the bottles and hopefully a ring gets caught on the top of a bottle, and you’re a winner.

This sounds like “luck” to you, but the damn rings are so small they could never hook onto the bottles plz!

I got kinda pissed, and I asked the carnival person whether it’s even possible.

And he actually said, “It’s possible, it’s just hard. A few people have already won the big toy that you want today”

HE’S NOT LYING! I saw this bitch carrying it around the park. I even went up to ask her where she got it from, but the bitch wouldn’t share WTF selfish bitch!!! I hope your fake orca bites your ass at night!!!

Anyway I was so determined even tho I know the game was rigged. These damn games play with your mind man, you go like “OMG thats so close, I’m going to play it one more time and imma get it” but you never do.

After awhile I told Sam, “hey screw this, let’s try something that’s not so rigged.. based on skill instead of luck”

And because the killer whale god knows I love his orcas, I found this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO THERE! Now you look moderately decent!

Me and Sam were discussing who should throw the ball, because we were both quite fail at this sort of thing..

When this fat angmoh guy just waltzed right next to us, used $4 to buy a few balls and HE WON THE TOY IN HIS FIRST TRY WTF.

Pissed and jealous like MAD!! I asked him if I could buy it off him but he said it was for his gf. FML.

You get like 4 balls I think, and you must get all 3 in to get the big toy, otherwise you’re stuck with other stupid toys like snakes!



COME ON BABY!!!!!!!

You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

….Not. Hahaha he wasn’t that great at it at all. But finally the fat angmoh decided to be really nice and offered to help us win it for free if we paid for the balls he threw, and we agreed!

But the kukuhead took like 10 tries to win for us, even though he took only one for his own gf wtf!!! Dunno if he did it on purpose or what, but oh well, I guess if people do a nice gesture for you you don’t get to complain.

Thanks anyway, angmoh guy!!!!

Because……..

NOW I CAN HAS TILLY!!!

WOOOHOOOO!

I bet I’m the only one in SG who has a damn killer whale this big in her room, and if you have one or know someone else who has this big boy I DONT WANNA HEAR IT!

We also won an extra snake toy, and I asked a little indian boy beside me whether he wanted it and his face lit up like it was snowing on Christmas morning :P

(although Christmas was a day earlier)

I kept walking around with this huge grin on my face, as me and Sam struggled to walk around with this big boy without bumping into anyone.

After this, we went to see a theatrical performance (still in Sea World! mad awesome, so many shows) and it was pretty good!!

The show was like full house, and everyone was scrambling around for seats.. You should see the look on their faces when they saw that Tilly occupied like 3 seats alone. LOL.

In the end a group of kids came over and asked if they could seat next to us. We looked at them, then looked at Tilly and they said they don’t mind having Tilly in their laps.

So the 5 of us sat together, with Tilly on our laps. Hahahahah pretty funny.

After awhile we figured he was more trouble than we thought, so we walked to Guest Services and dropped him there.

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The park was really big, and walking from attraction to attraction can get extremely tiring…

What better way to relax and unwind than sailing into the sunset on a pink Flamingo?

The way the water sparkled so invitingly under the sun as its rays gently warmed my cheeks on a cold, beautiful day was too much to resist…



Isn’t it beautiful?

The observation tower

The world seemed to slow down… All I could hear was faint laughter, water trickling as we steered the boat and occasionally, screams from the thrilled roller coaster addicts coming from far away.

Just taking in the moment and feeling like the world is such a wonderful place.



Teeheee



Shamu rocks your socks!!!

Kodak moment much :)

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Besides the ever popular bottlenose dolphins and killer whales, Sea World houses many many more wonderful animals…

Like sharks, sting rays, manatees, pilot whales, and…. Sea Lions!!!!

Surprisingly they don’t stink! I mean come on they look so fat and lazy… you’d think they’d have a bad smell :P

Aww hehehe look at them just basking in the sun like nothing else in the world matters.

And nothing does. Unless you have food for them!

Then they’ll daringly jump onto the ledge, like this, barking for food!!!!

People were more than happy to purchase food and feed them…

“Bark! Do you has fishie for me?! Dolphins are overrated, give em to me!”

Sam gladly obliges! Woot this is actually a good shot, if only it was in focus!

We both think Sea Lions are actually quite cute… especially the pups, they’re like little puppy dogs! :)

Urgh stupid sea gulls, they’re freaking everywhere!!!! They didn’t get my fishie this time, hah!

There’s a mad rush everytime someone throws a fish towards the sea lions – they all lunge towards the direction and whoever gets it first is the winner.

Some of them have actually learned tactics to attract attention by slapping their paws against their chest or the water, as if to say, “Pick me! PICK ME!!!!!!”

So cute!!

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Ok maybe Sea Lions may not be all that cute to you guys, but surely…

Surely penguins capture your heart? ;)

They’re so cuddly and clumsy looking! lol

Look at them go, like little torpedoes!

Learning about different penguins.. There is so much fun learning to be done at Sea World!

Sam with a hilariously badass looking penguin! Check out those eyes and the hairdo. Even its name is so gangsta. “ROCKHOPPER”



:P

♥ ♥ ♥

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It was getting dark by then, so we went to visit the orcas at the Underwater Viewing area, and that’s when I had the most magical interaction with them!!!!

It was the BEST omg I’ll post pics of that later.

Then we had dinner with Shamu!

Dine With Shamu is a dinner event organized by Sea World, where you get to enjoy a sumptuous buffet spread and at the same time, watch Shamu perform for you RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR DINNER TABLE!

It’s like a backstage kinda thing where the trainers explain what kind of techniques they use to train their killer whales, and other interesting information!

And who should perform for us, but the now-notorious Tilikum?

He was such a sweetheart during Dine With Shamu, always doing what he was told without any sign of discontent…

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We have almost come to the end of my Sea World post, and the rest of the pictures below would be the time I’ve spent interacting and observing Sea World Orlando’s beautiful Orcas.

We spent many days at Sea World, and I’ve summarized + combined everything into this long entry… so don’t be confused by our different outfits.

Below is a montage of my favourite Shamu shots – Such beauty should be shared with the rest of the world.

Enjoy!

Hi cutie pie!!

If they find you interesting, sometimes they come right up to you and press their heads against the glass wall and just spend a good 2 minutes observing you. Hehe ♥

I wonder how many hours I spent just staring into that tank.

Super cute siblings!!!!

Eh I told you they like to swim upside down for fun!!

They were pushing each other around like that… How adorable!!!! Squeeee ^___^

Looking abit yucky because I had no make up on and was exhausted after a long day..

Orca says hi to Sam!

I still can’t get over how big they are :)

“Hey, are you taking a picture of me?!”

“Which one of you was it that took a pic of me just now, huh?”

“Come out, come out wherever you are!”

The babies are always so curious :)

TRUA, MALIA AND NALANI!!

:DDDDD



Teehee it was totally giving me a kiss!!!



:3 I’m going nuts, it’s cute overload!!

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&&& More Shamu performances!!!!!!!

The Believe show soundtrack :’)

Great song isn’t it?

We kept going back for more and more performances… I said before that there’s always something new in every show, and here’s proof!!!!

LOL. Fully prepared to take on Shamu’s splashing!!

Sat in the front row seat, and I could’ve touched the orca if I just reached out my hand…. Sigh

Oh hai there!!!!!!!!!!!!



I wanna do that T__________T

This wasn’t the normal “Believe” show, it’s called Miracle because it’s themed for Christmas!

It was a cold, cold night but I felt warmed by all the love in the air!

They had Christmas carols playing and the lyrics were on the screen so everyone could sing along. Just lovely

There’s even a saxophone player to add to the mood too!

I miss Christmas already..

Cooler than James Bond.

A lot more action during the Christmas shows! People flying everywhere…



WOOOHOOO!!!

I told this man he has the best job in the world and that I really, really envy him.

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After witnessing a spectacular Miracle, we made our way to another stadium in Sea World to watch their ice skating special!

Aw it’s such a cute set!!!!

Jolly music and fab peformances – the night ended with a big bang.

Literally.

I’ve seen many fireworks displays in my life, from Singapore’s National Day to Disney’s special displays but Sea World had the best I’ve ever seen.

Perhaps I am biased, but that night meant the world to me, and I feel truly blessed to have experienced what I did.

I know I’ve said this a hundred times but I can repeat it a hundred more.

I miss Sea World SOOOOOO much and I can’t wait to go back there!

I hope this post was fun to read, because I had a great time recalling all those beautiful memories.

I can’t wait to plan my next trip.

Thank you Sea World and what it represents for being so, so special to me.

In the mean time, I’ll cherish these pictures & memories that I hold dear to my heart..

Oh, and also my very own killer whale family that I have at home!

Tilikum, Trua, Malia, Bob and Jess signing off.

xoxo,
Jess

Never good enough

“If you were in a fire, and you could only take one item in your room with you.. which one would it be?”

A random question in casual conversation that resulted in unexpected soul-searching.

…..My answer?

I’d bring along this box that I like to call my “treasure box”

It’s a pink Barbie box I’ve had since I was a little girl… It was so precious to me that I decided to keep only important things inside this special box of mine.

Which is why in case of a fire, I’d definitely save my box of memories.

Inside are old photographs…

Of people who were once a huge part of my life that I’ll never see again

No prizes for guessing which one’s me!

Ticket stubs to remember my fun days out

Dates with ex-boyfriends and old friends…

Evidence of the mischief I used to get up to

I never attended any… and I had a lot more cards than this :P

I got my very first legitimate job when I was 15!! As a promoter at International Sight and Sound exhibition… and I got my very own pass woohoo

My primary 1 student pass. Wow I was a retard back then. No wonder my crush never liked me back LOL.

My very first present from my first boyfriend.

He promised me flowers, but he said he couldn’t find any flowers and he gave me this keychain instead. Looks like 50 cents keychain but I was 13 years old and happy with it, LOL.

Awww…. who knew I was so cute back then?

I had fun looking through photographs, letters and other old memorabilia but one particular photo made a huge impact on me when I saw it.

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For a second, I didn’t recognize that girl in the picture because I sure as hell wasn’t so slim back then. Then the instant I remembered, I felt a deep sense of sadness.

….That girl wasn’t me,
but you could say she was the girl I wanted to be.

She’s my dad’s other daughter, and she was everything I was not.

I was a pretty messed up kid back then. Life wasn’t easy even though I was a child. Parents were always fighting, never had many friends, always got bullied at school…

I don’t know where I got this photo from, and to be honest I’m not even 100% sure this is her but I secretly kept this photo when I found it as a kid because I was jealous of her.

He would spend so much more time with her, and I was always distant from him.

I would hear many stories about how nice, intelligent and beautiful she was… and on my side, all I got was being reprimanded for not being good enough.

I really couldn’t help but be jealous. She seemed so perfect. And it didn’t help that I was always being compared to her.

I didn’t feel that I was beautiful or intelligent. I felt lost, neglected, and unwanted.

I was convinced there was something wrong with myself.

“Why can’t I be his first daughter? Why can’t I be beautiful and smart, like her? Why can’t I be the perfect daughter my parents want me to be? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he love me as much as her?”

I didn’t have a clue who I was, or what I was meant to do… so I kept this photo, a photo of the girl whose shadow I lived in, hoping that one day I’ll be just like her.

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8 years later, I open my box of memories and I’m shocked by what I see.

I’m reminded of a bleak childhood, and I still feel sad about the situation but at the same time I’m really thankful that life is a lot better now and I’m a stronger, better person.

I still have problems with my dad, and she’s still daddy’s little girl.. but I’ve learned how to deal with that fact after all these years.

I heard she got her doctor’s degree just like my dad wanted, but she switched to media (her own interest) in the end anyway. What a waste of time.

Must have finally woken up and realized she has to live her life for herself, and not anyone else.

I had a fight with my dad recently, and he sent me a lengthy email, saying that he couldn’t accept who I was and that he gave up. It’s amusing how he said he was going to give up, as if he was ever there to guide me in the first place.

You gave it all up a long time ago.

It’s a long and complicated story, I assume you don’t need to know the details.

I cried about it for awhile, but I got over it soon after.

I wasn’t going to cry anymore for losing something that hasn’t been there my whole life.

I realized that I can’t please everyone with everything I do, and I’m done with trying to please the almighty professor who will never be pleased by anything except A stars, which is pretty much all he cares about.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is earning good money by writing advertorials for big companies on her website that she established herself at the age of 17.

Just tell her you’re disappointed in the “foul language” she uses in her blog and that you don’t think what she’s doing is right.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is being a good girl by actually attending school AND doing part time work. She’s not being a slut by having sex with every random guy she meets at a club / taking drugs / getting wasted every night / *insert other stupid thing to do here*.

Just tell her that she doesn’t have high values and expectations for herself.

Doesn’t matter if his daughter is pursuing her own ambition and chose media & communications to major in because that’s her interest.

Just continue to be convinced that she’s throwing her life away by mot doing anything “proper” and say that she’s wasting money, even though she’s paying for her own school fees too

Doesn’t matter if his daughter enjoys feeling confident about her looks by applying make up and dressing up fashionably.

Just tell her that only hookers do that, and that she’s a disgrace to you.

I quote him in part of his email,

Maybe I didnt understand that it is COOL to use”wtf”, F–K, and “bitching” with other girls about trivalities, and exposing your personal life/experiences to the world in your website.

Meanwhile, I do hope that you can elevate your self-esteem, not by “powder and make-up” alone, but by your intellect and integrity. I wish you all the very best in your studies and become a somebody.
You are a smart, pretty and lively girl whom I still believe can mature into a lady, a true lady with sound guiding principles and high values and expectations for herself.

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He told me I need not reply his email, but I feel obligated to respond so I thought I’d express my feelings on my blog instead.

….I am somebody, dad.

It’s just unfortunate that you never gave this somebody a chance, and you’ve already made harsh judgements before you know anything about her.

I’m someone more than make up, more than my blog – and if you only judge me based on these 2 things, then you’re no different from a random blog reader who doesn’t know any better.

Yes, as you mentioned before – it’s not all about powder / make up, it’s not all about looks.

Yet at the same time, it’s not all about power / money / career / status either. It’s not about what you’re doing for a living, I believe it’s about HOW you are living.

Are you really doing what you want to do in life? Are you even happy at all?

I may not be the somebody you wanted me to be, but I am my own person and my life is not your decision to make, especially since you’ve never been around throughout most of it.

I don’t know what is “sound guiding principles and high values / expectations” to you, but if I’m not a “true lady” just because I like to dress up and put on lots of make up, or if because I like to say FUCK a lot on my blog and I like to bitch about trivial matters, then in that case..

Who the FUCK needs to be a true lady?

Who wants to be a robot manipulated by society’s norm and the old fashioned ways of a ridiculously critical father who is always absent?

I want to be a human being, not a “true lady” by your definition.

Someone who is allowed to make mistakes,

Someone who is allowed to express herself freely even if it means using expletives

And someone who is allowed to dream and live her live as happily as possible, in whatever way she chooses.

What about being TRUE to yourself?

What about being TRULY happy, even if it means not giving a fuck what other people say or think?

Life is more than being book smart and saving money and trying to be as “normal” as possible.

I’m not doing anything wrong or doing anyone harm by living life the way I do now… but you just think it’s “not good enough” for you.

Maybe it’s time for you to look into the mirror, and realize that a successful career does not necessarily mean you are a success in life.

Life is short, dad. Live life with risks, with passion, with forgiveness and with mistakes.

I still love you, and miss you. Or maybe I just miss the idea of having a dad around in my life.

I will never be good enough for you, I know.

But I am good enough for ME, for Sam, and the rest of the people who matter.

They love and accept me for who I am.

And I am actually HAPPY living my life the way I want to.

Not many people can say that, not even you.

Here’s to all the kids whose lame parents were never there.

I’m not that girl in the picture..

And I’m damn fucking glad that I’ll never have to be.

P.S – You need not respond.

xoxo,
Jess
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