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Cyber Bullying

This headline caught my attention when I was browsing twitter the other day.

“Singapore has the second highest number of cyber-bullying cases after the US, says new survey. -Straits Times”

I can’t say this information comes off as much of a surprise, I’ve noticed this all along, being online 24/7 and all so what I’m really shocked by is how much people are choosing to be BLIND towards the situation.



Does anyone actually understand what it REALLY means?


It seems like nobody cares, but really, PEOPLE SHOULD CARE.

Singapore, a super tiny country… tiny would be an understatement. And yet we’re second highest in cyber bullying rates?!

I never understood why people said Singapore’s a conservative country. Conservative my ass.

I’ll take rude, shallow, narrow-minded and superficial over conservative any day.
I spend a lot of my time online (obviously being a blogger and a geek) and I can safely say young Singaporeans are the nastiest, bitchiest bunch of netizens I’ve ever met.

I read the blogs of people from around the world and I’ve always wondered how come other people can be so kind and encouraging compared to Singaporeans. I’ve almost NEVER seen a spiteful or rude comment on other peoples blogs (non-Singaporean)

You can’t say the same for our local blogs. There’s always mean comments being left on peoples tag boards or commenting system…

Even the most innocent school girl or harmless random individual seemingly minding their own business will get flamed and insulted for no apparent reason.


Heck, I for one would know a lot about cyber bullying!!!

I’ve been blogging for years, and have received ALL sorts of insults, most completely uncalled for…

“Fat” and “Ugly” being the most common. (and they expect me to feel insulted. no, i’m not going to feel insulted by someone who is more than likely uglier than me calling me ugly.)

People just need to find fault with everything.

I’ve had people point out that my armpit’s not shaved properly, or that my foot is ugly because I have big toes, and if they cannot find real faults with me they’ll just make something up like…. wow your eyes are so small and your nose is so flat. -__-


Here’s my most recent hater comment for your viewing pleasure

Every time I read such a comment on my blog or on other peoples… The first thing that comes to my mind is..


What the FUCK is wrong with these people?!

Seriously, why are they so fucking spiteful?! Did their parents not give them enough love when they were younger and so they grew up being all hateful and angsty and feeling like they need to spread their hate and misery with the rest of the world?

Does calling me fat make you any slimmer? No.

Does calling me ugly make you any prettier? No.

Does leaving such an ugly comment make you feel any better about yourself?

Sad for you, BUT THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY YES.



Hear, hear, a blogger’s woes.


What did I ever do to deserve such remarks from people?

Why tell me that I’ve gained weight? I’m not blind, I can see for myself. If I really cared about it as much as you do, I would have done something about it like starving myself, but no, I’m not quite as superficial, thanks. A few pounds won’t kill me or my self esteem.

And telling me that my popularity is going down??? Remember what I said about when people run out of things to nitpick on, they make random shit up?!

I am absolutely disgusted with trash talkers on the internet because

1) None of these people would ever have the guts to talk to me like that in real life

2) The very fact they feel the need to resort to such lowly methods makes me feel sorry for them

Lucky for me (well sort of), I’ve been toughened up because of all the bullying and hostile behaviour I’ve experienced throughout my younger years… I’ve been through so much kind of shit in my life, really, cyber bullying is child’s play. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s OKAY.

Just because I know how to deal with it, doesn’t mean other people who are going through the same thing can…..

And judging from the number of depression and failed self esteem cases caused by cyber bullying / influences, it’s not a matter to be taken lightly!!

Some have even resorted to suicide because they didn’t know how to stop the taunting…

It makes me so incredibly sad to see something like that happening, because as hurtful as mean comments from stupid people can be, ultimately they’re still very trivial when compared to life’s other hurdles.



Life STILL goes on!!!!

Sadly for this girl, she didn’t know what cyber bullying is and at such a vulnerable age, (15) I guess it must have been all too hard for her to handle alone.

But since my country Singapore has got the 2nd highest cyber bullying rate in the entire WORLD, and because I’ve been a victim of bullying and I’m a blogger as of currently,

I feel compelled to share with you guys what Cyber Bullying is REALLY about.

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What IS Cyber Bullying?

Cyber bullying isn’t just limited to “U R SO FAT N FUGLY” type of comments on blogs. Although those can be disturbing enough if received all too frequently, it gets much worse.

I moderate my comments, and have been receiving significantly lesser spam since, but I’m sure many of you out there who are still using tagboards have experienced haters that KEEP ON COMING BACK to say shit about you, refusing to go away!

This is why I always encourage moderated comments.

People can also receive death threats (I have!!) and feel potentially physically threatened. I have people posting my address / handphone number / other personal details on my blog, telling me they’re going to stalk me and follow me home at night… or something stupid like that.

A typical death threat goes like this, “Don’t think I don’t know who you really are. I know where you live, I know what school you’re in, and I’m going to find you little girl and KILL YOU AND RAPE YOU SFJWETWI4FJ” -

Yes, I really received that threat -___-

And besides blogs, which are the easiest methods of targeting somebody online because it’s like their own private space that you can easily “enter”… there’s also other social media platforms like Facebook and forums.

People could start Facebook “groups” that hate you and invite their friends to join, post bulletins that consist of FAKE rumours (and even if it was true rumours, it’s still bullying) about you and spread them all around, sending you harassing messages and posting private pictures of you that other people shouldn’t see that they’ve somehow managed to attain online…. the list goes on.

Oh and not forgetting FORUMS.

Where cowards unite and find strength in masses while they single out unsuspecting victims and intrude their privacy.

Here’s a classic puke-worthy example.

A local “Singapore Gossip Forum”... Yeah, did you know such a website existed?

Where stupid girls come together to discuss rumours they’ve heard about certain people, and then debating over whether it’s possibly true or not because they’ve got a “friend who knows their friend”… LOL.

Is it really their business who sleeps with who or who’s done what before?

Can you say GET A FUCKING LIFE?

They even stoop as low as to post pictures of people that are obviously taken in bad lighting / angle / timing and then go like, “Omg this girl is so out of shape and hideous!! Gross! Got double chin / crooked teeth / lots of back fats / protruding forehead / -insert stupid superficial comment here-”

Yeah right, as if YOU are any better!!! If your fellow gossipers got a hold of YOUR picture, guess what they’d do to it?

That’s right, you’ll get the negative attention and criticism you truly deserve, that you so readily showered upon other innocent people!

“The girl’s name is Jenna Chan, she’s a Singaporean amateur model living on off in the US and Singapore. This girl in question is a notorious flamer in 2 forums frequent by Singaporeans. She and her team of flamers are hated by many. Her forum
handle is “Jenzene”

Recently, it seems there was a fall out in her team and internal power struggles lead to betray of identities. One of the team members identity was leek out, in retaliation she leaked Jenzene’s public nude photos.”

Wooooot!!!! That’s payback for you, Miss Nude!!!!

How does it feel being bitten in the ass by karma?

I don’t wanna be another cyber bully, but honestly, if I had a face and body like that, let’s just say I would not even DREAM of posing nude (or even modeling..) and then criticizing other people for their looks or behaviour.

These girls are so ugly inside and out, they make me sick.

They use words like “Bitch, “Ugly”, “Desperate”, “Hypocrite”, “Poor” on other people..

But I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of lives these gossipers have themselves!!

Hello, this is coming from jealous no-lifes who spend way too much time talking useless shit and spreading hate about other people they don’t know on an internet forum!!!!

If you’re not an UGLY, DESPERATE, HYPOCRITICAL BITCH WITH POOR MORALS then what the fuck are you?!

Shame on you!!! You deserve to forever be condemned to having a life that’s not even worth living for, so much that you have to focus your attention on other people because yours is just that shitty.

Kk now let’s move on I’m getting tired talking about these low lifes.

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Why does Singapore have such a high Cyber Bullying rate?

We’re too bored, too rich, and too superficial. In a country where you’re defined by what kind of branded handbags you carry or car you drive, is it really all that surprising?

Too many youths have easy access to computers and it’s such a convenient source of entertainment that most don’t even bother leaving their house to explore the world outside.

Many don’t have much of a life outside of school and work, so all their free time is occupied by browsing the net…

A lot of Singaporeans have blogs, Facebook accounts, partake actively in forums etc

And also a lot of Singaporeans aren’t taught proper manners and ethics and lack the BALLS to confront people in real life.. put them together, and you get cyber bullying!

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Why do Cyber Bullies do what they do?

There could be a lot of reasons… Some are bored and do it for laughs (immaturity), others try to get a reaction (inconsideration)

Some are just power hungry and do it to feed their shrinking ego.

But from my personal experiences, these are the top 3 reasons:


1) They are absolutely miserable inside.. even if they refuse to admit it.

Because NO HAPPY PERSON in their right mind would ever do something like that to hurt other people.

Why? Because we’re better than that! I have a happy life, and I’m living it, I’m blogging it. I’m not hiding behind my computer trying to put other people down. No, that’s just not my style.

It just doesn’t make sense for a normal person to do something like that.

Miserable people spread hate and hypocrisy and unpleasant feelings. They have no time for love and goodwill because they’re just too busy wondering why their life sucks so much.

They get off from other peoples pain, and they feed off the satisfaction of hurting others… To make themselves feel better, they must bring someone else down.

Nothing like losers inflicting pain upon other people to achieve some self-assurance.

These people get so much shit in their lives, from school, from work and from parents / friends etc that they feel the NEED to take it out on others. When you’re stressed or miserable, you turn spiteful.

When you turn spiteful, you take it out on randoms on the internet, because like I said before, they have no balls and they think that harassing other people online would result in no consequences. BUT THERE ARE ALWAYS CONSEQUENCES.

Jenzene will tell you so.



2) They are undeniably, regrettably jealous.

They’re jealous of other peoples looks, wealth, status, success, career, fame, etc.

Before you go and dismiss this reason going “NOT EVERYBODY IS JEALOUS OF YOU SELF-ABSORBED IDIOT”, let me convince you otherwise.

So assuming someone comes onto my blog and insults me randomly by saying I’m really damn ugly and obese and she feels sorry for me because, erm, she’s supposedly better.

And I say she’s being jealous and spiteful…. what do I really mean?

I take into consideration that maybe, just maybe, she really has a supermodel figure and a gorgeous face to boot. I’m nothing compared to her. Well then, good for her.

If you really are so much better than me, why the heck aren’t you doing something with your awesomeness?

Why don’t you go and model, set up a blog, be more popular and better than me to prove just how awesome you are instead of posting lame comments on my blog which immediately equates you to a LOSER?

Why would you waste your time trying to bring down somebody that is already LOWER than you?

Does it make sense? No.

People only try to bring down somebody that’s equal or higher than them, not somebody that’s already on the ground because it’s not worth their time. Would she post mean comments on the blog of every other person who’s not as attractive as her?

Probably not. If so, why did she pick me???

The only logical conclusion would be that she’s jealous of something else…. Of what? Who really knows?

Maybe she’s thinking, “WTF, I’m so much hotter and better than this girl, why am I not more popular or leading a better life than her? She just doesn’t deserve what she has!”

Most of the time, people are jealous of other peoples success. You could be really pretty and intelligent and rich and famous but if people can tell you’re failing at life and are really miserable, would they be jealous of you? No.

But if you were not that pretty and not that rich or famous or witty but you seem to be doing much better than them… would they feel jealous?


Yeah, they probably would.

Just the way the human mind works.

Sometimes, it’s not about whether you’re BETTER than them, it’s about the fact they think you’re NOT better than them and if such is so why the heck aren’t they enjoying as much success?!


Food for thought.

And our final reason….



3) Some people just can’t help
finding fault with everything.

Simply put, some people are just fucked in the head. Come on, we all know somebody like that.

The person who always complains about everything and nothing, the person who always has something mean to say about someone else and that person who could just never be satisfied with the world.

Need I say more?

Some people just enjoy attacking the already-injured.

Sure, go ahead, pick on the weak, pick on the young.

Insult somebody on their blog who revealed she’s going through an eating disorder by saying that she’s super fat and unattractive so she should definitely keep up her bulimic ways.

Or sign up for an anonymous account on a gossip forum and start a rumour that your friend is a slut because the guy you like is into her, hopefully that way, the guy you’re into will dump her.

Perhaps even exposing your closet gay friend’s sexual preferences by plastering the word FAGGOT on his pictures and then posting them all over Facebook?

Just a few of the many ways cyber bullying occurs…

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Why It’s So WRONG

The sickening part about cyber bullying is that these people know it’s wrong but still do it!

They try to keep their identity as much of a secret as possible because they’re TERRIFIED of people finding out who they really are. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to be afraid of.

If you’re not afraid of people judging you the way you judge others, then why are you hiding your identity?

Then if you are really so afraid of people doing that to you, WHY DO YOU CAUSE THE SAME HURT TO OTHER PEOPLE??

When you insult somebody, at least put your FACE and NAME to what you’re saying, so that people may judge you the same way you judge others, you fucking coward.

Shame on you, for being who you are, for being so much more pathetic than anybody you ever harassed or insulted online.

They say the internet is a dangerous place and people are right.

They say that with excessive attention comes a price, which is constant criticism and that is also right but answer this:


Do YOU have to be THE asshole inflicting pain upon others?
If one less person does it everyday, one less person has to suffer from cyber bullying.

You feel so empowered by your anonymity on the internet because you think you can say whatever you want and not have to face any consequences at all.

Which is true to a certain extent, but have you sick people ever ONCE stopped to think that,

“perhaps the person on the receiving end of my insults isn’t a cold-hearted cunt like I am”?

Or “Perhaps my blatantly hurtful ways of trying to bring the other person down would actually WORK… and then what?”

Do you proceed to pat yourself on the back and laugh mercilessly at how you’ve successfully ruined somebody’s day or even their entire self-esteem?

Are you so bent on tormenting somebody that you’re willing to let them suffer from your selfish actions?

If you have no self-respect or conscience, perhaps you won’t suffer any immediate consequences (besides being unable to retain any happiness in your life because you’re so spiteful) but someone out there will. I don’t know if you’ve realized this…

The person you are calling a homosexual faggot, obese, dumb, slutty, or ugly is actually a REAL person with REAL feelings.

People can try their best to ignore the shit you say about them.. but truthfully, most people aren’t trained to be as soulless as you.

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To you, I may just be another pixel on the internet you like to pick on and throw shit at, but to me, I’m sitting here at my computer, wondering how the heck I ever offended anyone enough to be receiving such insults for no good reason and what the other person is trying to achieve.

And I’m not the only one feeling this way.

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Now that it’s all said and done, here are some ways to deal with and prevent cyber bullying…

Because if we have so many cyber bullies, we have just as many people BEING cyber bullied! (wow, ever thought of that?)


1)
Do not reveal any overly personal information online that could result in a nasty situation when in the wrong hands.

Yeah, so that probably means keeping your address, nude pictures, phone numbers, work place locations, sex tapes and the name of the person you lost your virginity to off the net.

2) Do not post pictures you’ll regret ever taking.. or even having them lying around for other people to discover.

I used to do some modeling shoots and I’d hate for the more provocative ones to surface, which I’m hoping they never will, but even if they do I’m mentally prepared at least, coz I know how to protect myself against shit people say about me!

Insults bounce off me so naturally, it’s almost a talent how I deal with haters. Comes with a price of course. You’ve to go through a lot of it.

3) Don’t say anything you can’t pay the price for saying.

Some people get picked on because they’re asking for it… like you know, going around insulting other people and thinking you’re all that? Sometimes others wanna give you a taste of your own medicine.

If you wanna talk about a controversial topic like race, religion, homosexuality, etc, make sure you’re prepared for a lot of hate coming your way because people are ALWAYS angry when talking about stuff like that!

4) If you ever get cyber bullied, you have to take action.

Don’t try to ignore it or keep it to yourself for as long as possible, because it will eat away at you and one day you’ll find it’s affecting you more than you ever realized.

If you have spammers on your blog, either block them or moderate your comments. Don’t let them have the pleasure of saying whatever they want, because little things like that make them come back for more.

Don’t retort back at them either, because some just love getting a reaction out of you (unless your comeback is so brilliant that you feel awesome for defending yourself!)

If you are receiving physical threats, DO report to the police. Maybe if your case isn’t serious enough the police might not do much with it but trust me, it’ll scare the cyber bullies off. Cyber bullies are not gangsters, they’re cowards.

Mention authority and it sends them running off like pussies.

I was being harassed online by this guy, until I tracked down his ip address and soon linked it to his exact company and I immediately emailed them about the situation…

Then the threats stopped coming, just like that.

If you’re receiving harassing texts or facebook messages etc or having your pictures defaced and posted on forums, etc, you always have the law on your side. If enough people pursue the matter, authorities will realize that cyber bullying needs to be taken MUCH MORE SERIOUSLY than it is now.

Lastly, the most important step to overcoming cyber bullying is to become immune.

Understand the reasons why people attack you and realize that it’s not your fault. Feeling sorry for my haters usually gets rid of all the anger or annoyance I initially had, as I realized how insignificant they truly were.

I read haters like a book now.

Stand up to them, take action, erase them from your life… do whatever you can to gain control of your situation!

Remember, a person can insult you but you are only as insulted as you ALLOW yourself to be.

You can react dramatically, make a big fuss, cry over it… or you can be the bigger person and handle the situation with grace and maturity. The only thing a person can NEVER take away from you is your dignity.

These people have hurt you in some way or another, but so what?

THEY DON’T MEAN SHIT!!!

Hold your head up high, and move on with your life. Show them that despite their utmost efforts to bring you down, it’s not going to work, and you’re still going to continue being awesome the way you are.

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If you feel like this blog entry has inspired you in some way or another or if you think it’ll benefit people you know who are suffering from cyber bullying, feel free to share this link: http://underage-girl.blogspot.com/2010/10/cyber-bullying.html

To all cyber bullies out there: I don’t know how you can look at yourself in the mirror knowing you’re so pathetic.

Do yourself a favour and stop radiating hate all the time. One day you’re going to drown in your own negativity.

xoxo,
Jess

17 things I did when I was 17

Here’s to goodbye 17, and hello 18!

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1) Started my relationship with Samuel Aaron McArthur
!!!

Definitely the most significant part about me being 17!

This relationship has changed my life completely… I was such a bitter, bitter girl early last year because of my fail relationship with a fail ex-bf. Just a young girl who loved to love and wanted to be loved as well, but all I received was lies and insincerity in return.

Needless to say, when you break a 17 year old girl’s heart, she remembers it forever. I thought I would have to carry this burden around with me throughout my teenage years…

I thought I’d never be able to trust any other guy wholeheartedly again. They say the first cut is the deepest… damn right!!!

If not for Sam, I honestly don’t know how long it would’ve taken for me to heal from my previous ordeal. Life at that time was all about crying myself to sleep every night and day, wondering why the hell did I even get myself into this mess at such a young age and cursing the people who made me so miserable.. Even though I was shattered into a million pieces, Sam slowly and painstakingly put the pieces back together, one by one…

Slowly, that wide gaping hole inside my heart was being filled again.

At first I was so scared that I’d get hurt and used again, but Sam proved himself to be one of the most sincere and hardworking person you’d ever meet. When I broke up with my ex, my mum and friends always comforted me by saying that I’d find somebody better but I never really believed them. I WAS determined to find somebody better, but deep down inside, I was highly skeptical too.

It’s not just about finding somebody better looking, richer, smarter, sweeter, or “better”... You gotta have special feelings about that special someone too, y’know? You gotta have chemistry that sparks like fireworks, and it’s so hard to find somebody like that.

But I found such a person online. I’m not a spiritual / superstitious / horoscope kinda person.. but it’s kinda hard to not believe in fate when things like that happen to yourself.

WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS?

If you ever met Sam, you’d know how different he is from all the other guys out there. He cooks and brings breakfast to me in bed, he puts me before everything else – family, work, friends, money, everything…

He runs from one end of the cab to the other just so he can open the door for me to get out, he always buys me flowers and doesn’t think they’re a waste of money, he thinks money is only but superficial value to buy superficial things, he thinks I’m beautiful just the way I am and has never ONCE asked me to change myself for him, he pretty much wants to spend every waking moment with me, he gives me the better part of the meal when we eat, he buys me presents even when there’s no special occasion just cuz I’m “special” to him, he doesn’t watch porn, he’s not into sports or fast cars or other hot chicks, he holds biomedical degree from a respected university, he works damn hard and earns good money for himself, he kisses me good morning and good night every single day when I wake up and go to sleep, he never complains about doing things I like to do (shopping, watching chick flicks, waiting around for me to do my manicures, etc)..

I COULD GO ON FOREVER!

Of course he’s not exactly perfect either, he has his #failmoments too LOL but that’s not today’s focus point. Let’s just gush about his awesome side.

Once upon a time, we were nothing more than online friends playing a zombie blasting game called Left 4 Dead together..

Then for god knows what reason, we suddenly decided we really liked each other and before we could figure out what the hell was going on, he was on a plane on his way to Singapore..

Give us a few weeks together, and we turned into INSEPARABLE soul mates.

We haven’t looked back since ♥

We’ve had the most amazing memories that I would never have dreamt of having.

And even if, somewhere somehow someday, all of this abruptly comes to an end… everything would’ve still been more than worth it because I’ve had the experience of a lifetime.

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2) Discovered just how much I really love killer whales and started obsessing over them!!!


It’s hard to explain to people why I love orcas so much.

Not because I can’t phrase my feelings into words properly, it’s cuz people just don’t get it. They’re not passionate about them the way I am. When I die, if I don’t get to come back as a human I DEFINITELY want to come back as a killer whale. There is no other better animal to be.. Apex predator FTW!

I can see confusion in their eyes when I see a picture of a killer whale somewhere and I start squealing and pointing at it with shiny eyes like a little girl. I was never an animal person so this love for orcas kinda popped out of nowhere. My new found fascination with the ocean has a big part to play!! Everything down there is so wondrous and mysterious.

This obsession first started when I found out I was going to Disney World in Florida. I freaked out big time and doing my research on all the other theme parks I wanted to visit, and I listed Sea World as one of my “must-do” things in Orlando. Then I remembered all the previous times I’d been to Sea World with my dad, and I started googling and reading up on orcas online and immediately fell in love with them all over again!!!!

If you’ve ever been to Sea World, you’ll know how it feels watching their killer whale shows.

You CANNOT not fall in love with the orcas….

They hunt for meals in packs together, like wolves – and even if the meal is small or if the other orca is completely capable if hunting another prey by itself, they still share everything, all the time! They stick by their families their ENTIRE LIVES, never once leaving their side… They only have 1 mate for their whole lives too. Orca pods (orca families) are matriarchal, which means they are female dominant… The ladies lead and make the decisions. Hu-rrah!!

What else????

They’re a mindblowing combination of being intelligent, deadly, adorable, faithful, playful, hostile, magnificent, graceful, mysterious and emotional at the same time! If you love animals, if you love the sea, if you like learning new things or if you’re simply curious – I strongly urge everybody to watch a few short killer whale documentaries on Youtube!!!

You’ll be fascinated to no end.

Oh and we can’t forget THIS very special moment too!!!

Definitely in my top 5 favourite moments of my entire LIFE.


Squeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I wanna hug them so bad.

My ultimate dream is to befriend a wild killer whale and / or to swim with them.. Pray for me that some day soon, my dream will come true :)

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3) Bought myself my first pet ever!!!

For those of you who don’t already know her, say hello to hunnybuns!!!!!

Actually it’s not really my first pet since my primary school friend gave me a few hamsters once before. But I stored them in a shoe box and fed them leftover jelly from my lunch (which they puked out and I was so confused because, who doesn’t like jelly?) because I didn’t have the resources or money for anything else (I was 8 years old) and I accidentally almost stepped on one of them so I freaked out and gave them back to my friend. Poor hammies T_T

I bought this little fella here on impulse (obviously lol) and I don’t blog about her very much because she’s not very friendly and doesn’t like to be touched, so I tend to leave her alone most of the time. I can’t even hold her without her running away and squeaking like mad, let alone take pictures of her.

Hunnybuns isn’t like your usual hammie… She’s not friendly, and she’s not greedy either. But neither is she fierce. She doesn’t EVER bite, even when she’s terrified or pissed, but she doesn’t ever wanna go near any human hand even if you have super yummy hamster food to tempt her with. She’s just like this scared little thing all the time even though I don’t even try to touch her anymore after finding out she hates that and she’ll snatch food from my hand and run away with it.

I can’t figure this bitch out…. I wonder why after so damn long she still hasn’t warmed up to me. I guess that’s just her personality – unfriendly and hostile!!

I sit by her cage for hours, I let her get used to my scent, I’m gentle and not rough with her, I try to coax her with lots of treats… yada yada…

It’s very annoying when other people who have hamsters think they’re hamster experts and start giving me lame advice like, “You have to hold her more / give her treats / *insert other lame advice here*”

I’ve done everything I could already. People tend to forget that pets have different personalities, and some pets just AREN’T lovable… Hamsters are quite stupid so they’re not like cats and dogs, which are a lot easier to build relationships and bonds with because they understand the concept of having a “master” and they know loyalty / love / affection / attention.

When I held her for the first time at the pet store (to make sure she was friendly) she gave me the CUTEST hamster smile ever… That little scrunched up face was worth a million dollars so I bought her immediately but she did a 360 personality change when we got home wtf! What a con man.

Nonetheless, she still has a special place in my heart (being my first pet) and even though she hates me, I still take good care of her and feed her tons of yummy food all the time.. Every time I cook, she gets a little bit, and she gets cheese, fresh veggies, muffins, and nuts often!

Digressing a bit… I’m really looking forward to getting a puppy!!!

This time I won’t get it on impulse I swear!! I know that dogs are very different from hamsters, but that’s precisely why I believe it will work out. Sam promised me a puppy if I go to live with him in Melbourne… *fingers crossed*

He also promised that he’ll be the one to clean the puppy shit all the time haha! And I promised to be the main chef of the house, faithfully waiting for him at home with yummy meals, expecting his arrival from work.


Sounds good to me.

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4) Learned how to bake and cook, they’re my new favourite hobbies now!!!

I don’t take pics of it, but I’m cooking a lotttt nowadays!

This is actually pretty surprising because I’ve never imagined myself to be a “homely” sort of person, but I guess it’s time to face up to reality… I’m a “homely” person through and through! I love staying in on friday nights and cuddling up to hot chocolate and DVDs, I enjoy baking and cooking (often) for the people around me, and… what else is homely ah?

I’m excited to have my own house next time because I wanna decorate and paint it myself and plant my own flowers in my garden and all those other fun stuff!!!!!

A few months ago, I didn’t even know how to use a microwave (yes I was that stupid lol) but now I can whip up awesome food in an instant! It’s really fucking amazing because I never thought I could ever COOK without burning it or having it taste horrible.. let alone be a good cook! And it’s not just self-praise because I have real testimonials from unbiased people ok. I love cooking with my own imagination, so I usually use basic recipes as a guideline and from them I alter it to whatever I think may taste better… Usually turns out nicer!

There’s something very comforting about the smell of freshly baked muffins in the house
.. and something calming about chopping up mushrooms and watching them sautee in butter… Ok now I just sound crazy lol.

But yeah, I love cooking because it’s fun and I love good food so it’s great if I can cook it myself and I love baking because it allows my creativity to run wild!!!

Baking the cake is one thing, but decorating it is really the fun part… I wanna bake another rainbow cake soon! I don’t bake as often as I cook, because my family aren’t very big on desserts (I wish they were so I could bake goodies more often) and I’m dying for a friend’s birthday to come soon so I can bake something nice for them. If somebody needs customized cakes / cupcakes for a special occasion, let me know!!!

I’ll do it for free simply because I love doing it. You’ll have to pay for the ingredients, that’s all ^___^

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5) Signed a contract with Nuffnang and became their so-called “talent”!!!

(for the clueless people, nuffnang is a blog advertising community)

What this means is that Nuffnang now represents my blog (like my agent) and I felt so adult-ish when I was reading through the official contract!!!! Me, singing a business contract at the age of 17 (at that time) because of my BLOG?!

For a long time I’ve only thought about my blog as a ranting platform, not as a mean to make an impact on other people or to earn some side money from…

Signing that contract was the turning point when I realized how seriously some people take blogging and how much I take it for granted sometimes! If I put in more effort, this could be something so much more if I wanted it to be..

When I first started out blogging, it wasn’t even to share my opinions because I didn’t even think anybody would read my blog, LOL it was more of like an online diary because writing is old fashioned and tiring and I liked the idea of being to combine digital photos and my thoughts into one space, so I started blogging.

So thanks to Nuffnang, I’ve had the opportunity to write for quite a few big labels,

anything from Dell (laptops) to Nokia (mobile phones) to Disney Pictures (promoting their movies) and Laurier (sanitary pad) and moreeeee!!

I know that I’m just a small fry in the blogging industry, but considering my age and as a personal achievement (without ever trying to market myself as a professional or full-time blogger), I’d like to think of myself as quite successful.

Sure I don’t have as many hits or followers as I’d like to have, but being a top blogger has never been my motive or dream (being a famous singer like lady gaga is wtf)

So yes!! I guess this whole thing kinda comes as a surprise, but a pleasant one at that. Blogging has opened up a lot of doors in my life for me. Sometimes I just wish I’d be more hardworking and seize the opportunities! But I spend too much time procrastinating, cooking and playing Left 4 Dead wtf.

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6) Bought myself a DSLR and took up photography!!!

Some of my favourite flower shots… You like? ^.^

Haven’t took that many (all of these were taken during my trip to Australia, but during their WINTER so most flowers were dead.. otherwise woulda taken more)

I’ve always wanted a DSLR, but was put off the idea for some time because I was daunted by the hefty price tag and how complicated the whole concept is… I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to cope.

After looking at low-quality photos on my blog for far too long, I decided enough was enough and I finally bought myself a Canon Eos 550d!!!!!

BEST BUY EVER,
along with my iphone.. Except that was given to me by my mum lol.

This must be one of the best and most gratifying hobbies out there!

Photography brings me so much joy, I love capturing memories and looking at well-taken photographs makes me all warm inside!!! Memories are forever, why would you wanna ruin them with some crappy camera? Sorry if I sound too conceited and high and mighty but after using a DSLR I am NEVER going back to PnS (compact cameras)

DSLRS allow for so much more potential and creativity.. it makes a world of difference!! For about twice the price more, you get instant infinite satisfaction. I am in no way claiming to be a pro photographer, in fact I have so much more to learn and more lenses to buy but that’s not the point.

The whole point of photography is being able to find beauty in things that other people find insignificant or boring, being able to bring out that beauty successfully in an otherwise plain situation is such an achievement!

It’s allowing the world to see things through your own eyes…. The littlest things matter, and usually the most simplistic subjects make the best photographic subjects.

Anyone can be a good photographer, if only they would try to look at the world with their heart and a new imaginative perspective instead of just their eyes :)

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7) Changed my hairstyles a few times

Top left pic is my hair’s natural black colour. Top right pic is some copper light brown I dyed. Had to bleach my hair for this colour.. poor locks!!!

Bottom left pic’s hair colour was achieved by using Liese Bubble Hair Dye over my colour in top right’s pic, and bottom right’s pic is the hair I have now.

Unfortunately, I’m not very daring when it comes to experimenting with hairstyles, so the changes aren’t very significant! I guess cutting it short and dyeing it a really light brown is about as drastic as I’d get.

I can only imagine how awful loud hair colours would look on me…. Frankly I’m terribly bored of my own hair.


Does anyone have any suggestions on how to jazz up my hairstyle?!?

I can’t stand having the same hairstyle for too long.. Already quite bored of my hair now. I would go for a pixie crop of some sort, but then I’d look like a boy!!! I always thought only skinny people could pull off that hair. And super long hair is also quite boring + super high maintenance, needs a lot of time spent on it to look good.

I’m thinking of perming my hair.. yes or no? Hmmm

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8) Fell out with my dad… and slowly patching things up with him again

Ok so people who have been following my blog for awhile would know about this heartfelt entry I posted entitled “Never Good Enough” a few months back, and that’s one of the few times I’ve ever talked about my dad.

I don’t talk about him much simply because he isn’t ever around, and I got really pissed off with him at one point so I wrote the entry to voice out my feelings that I’ve been dying to let go for so long. I almost never talk about family issues with people because it’s just so heartbreaking, I prefer focusing on lighthearted stuff but sometimes things are too major to ignore.

After that incident, I didn’t talk to my dad for a good few months… and I thought I’d never talk to him again, until he started casually SMS-ing me again. “How are you? How’s your studies coming along?” just things like that.

For a moment I thought perhaps he’d come to his senses and realized that not everyone lives by the rules he set for himself, but meeting him recently once again assured me that we are way too different to ever truly get along.

We may be father and daughter but our personalities show that we never spent enough time together to even be remotely alike.

I’m glad though, that I am who I am. I love my way of living life, and I’m not going to give up what I have right now.


Freedom and happiness…
it’s what some people fight for their whole lives and still don’t get. But I have it now.

So I’m sure as hell not giving it up.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever have a normal relationship or be able to see eye-to-eye. But this falling out with my dad has forced me to realize that parents won’t always be there to support your every move. Sometimes they’ll be the ones who are dragging you down. It pisses me off to see parents expecting their children to live lives that THEY never fulfilled themselves when they were younger.

You may be the parent of your child, but they’re not a “Mini-You” so don’t expect them to want the same things you do and force your values upon them. If parents truly cared about their kids, they would acknowledge that kids need encouragement way more than the endless reprimanding. This taught me to be even more independent and make decisions on my own.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been making all the decisions by myself.

Which school to go to, which course to take, which boyfriend to date, what I’m going to wear, what I’m going to do when I grow up, how I’m going to live my life.. etc

Every decision has shaped me into the person I’ve become today, so I don’t regret any of them at all. People say everything happens for a reason..

In my case, things happened because I chose for them to. The things that I have control over, at least.

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9) Swam at Marina Bay Sands’ infinity pool in the middle of Singapore city!!!


Ok so I can’t get over how cool this pool is.

You’re probably bored of hearing it by now, BUT I ♥ MBS and the pool is just sooo amazing how it’s so high up (57 floors) and it feels like you’re swimming in a skyscraper… Wait, I WAS!!

This is the tallest longest infinity pool in the WORLD, and I’m pretty damn sure the only one if its kind!

I’m used to lush greenery surrounding swimming pools, but it’s such a refreshing change to be in the heart of the city for once. At night the view is just spectacular.

I am utterly convinced that this is the BEST pool in the world…. Where else can you swim while hearing the roars of Formula One cars zooming past and having the twinkling city skyline as your backdrop?

Love it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe it’s so readily accessible too.. Honestly I’d travel overseas just to take a swim in this pool if it were located in another country. But all I have to do is poke my mum for a free stay and take a 30 mins cab ride to the city. Win!! You have to be there yourself to experience the thrills :)

I’ve shown this to my friends overseas and they’re like “OMG WTF?? COOL POOL? You have this in Singapore?! Omfg mad!!!!! What the hell? Is it on top of a skyscraper? That looks so cool and scary at the same time ahHhhHHh *hyperventilates*”

To which I would reply, “Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.”

And feeling very cool about myself afterwards HAHAHA

Aren’t you Singaporeans proud of having MBS? I’m hardly proud of anything local but this is AWESOME. It’s created such a hype around SG! So many tourists are raving about it and Resort World Sentosa.

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10) Took a magical trip to Disney World!!!


I AM A DISNEY PRINCESS!!
*flips non-existent long blonde hair*

I grew up watching The Little Mermaid and Pocahontas and Beauty & The Beast ON REPEAT.

Like seriously I know the lines to every song in the movies (so does Sam haha WTF he’s a princess too) and I love Disney classics so much because they make me a happier person!!!

Happy cartoons = happy people. It’s true. People who don’t like cartoons are usually miserable poopyfaces who have absolutely no sense of humour and cannot channel their inner childish self to appreciate simple cartoons…. …. ..true statistics pulled out my arse.


My parents took me and my brother to Orlando’s Disney World once,

that was when I was like 6? But I remember it being so stupidly fun! My dad then took me to Disneyland in California and that was even more fun because this time I was actually big enough to go on all the roller coasters and shit. One of the best times in my life… Disney land is every kid’s fantasy!!! :’)

It’s the happiest place in the world… Where every freakin’ day is filled with princesses and magical castles and mythical creatures and mermaids and cute cartoons and prince charmings and turkey legs and churros and overpriced burgers and people lining up for a picture with Cinderella!!!!

At the start of our relationship, I kept telling Sam how Disneyland / world makes EVERYONE happy and excited and how much I wished to go back there again because I had so much fun and it means so much to me yadayadaaa…

To my utmost surprise he said, I PROMISE I’ll take you there” and 2 months later, we were halfway across the world in Orlando, Florida, America!! Wtf right. Our relationship really does progress quite fast. At the time we were only together for like 2 months + or something but he already made a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy expensive investment and brought me on the holiday of my life.

TY baby you are the bestest!!!

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11) Toured the rest of Orlando – theme parks, beaches, and other attractions!!!

Besides visiting Sea World (one of my favourite places in the world), Universal Studios, Adventure Island, Animal Kingdom, Aquatica, etc (and all the other major theme parks)….

We also visited this beautiful beach called Clearwater beach, about 3 hours from Orlando’s city!!! Even though we couldn’t swim because it was freezing cold winter, we had awesome fun dining at their beachside seafood restaurants (Crabby Bills I think it was called) which served AMAZING seafood at very affordable prices in huge portions!!!

We got ourselves a little cabana and spent the day lying down on the sand, looking into each others eyes and falling asleep to the sound of childrens laughter and the gentle breezes and waves of the sea! ♥

I wish our Singaporean dollar wasn’t so weak… It’s hard when I travel to Western countries where their currency is soooooo much stronger which makes EVERYTHING so much more expensive, unnecessarily! And when they come to our country it’s like they are rich for no reason. Why oh why!

The woes of a young girl who wants to travel across the world…

This is one main reason why I wanna quickly get out of Singapore and study / work overseas. I want to get as much exposure as possible! See the world! Live life!!!!

Actually I’m not quite as pissed about the weak Singapore dollar as I am about the fact that Singapore itself is so small and boring. If Singapore was bigger or more beautiful / interesting, I’d spend touring this place instead of having to travel so often so I won’t become bored outta my brains!!! I envy Australians because Australia itself is effing massive and the country is immensely beautiful..

Landscape is stunning, people are friendly, easy access to all tourist sites, endless amount of activities to do, not so far from other asian countries if you want a change of culture, currency is quite strong…

I’m sure other faraway countries are beautiful too… like erm… Europe? But that’s too far away that I know NOTHING about the place (except that it is romantic, beautiful and expensive and has good food) so I guess I don’t have very much to say about it. I will rave about it when I do get the chance to go there!

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12) Interviewing a firefighter and getting a tour around Central Fire Station!!!

I thought it was a very novel experience getting upclose with a firefighter and having him tell me about his job.


I have great admiration for these people…
Along with on-site paramedics, marines, soldiers in the army, air force, and everyone else great!!!

It’s these people who risk all they have to protect what WE have. People like you and me.. Seriously, what would we do without firefighters and other selfless people? Can you imagine if there was a fire burning your house down and there was NOBODY to phone help for? Nobody brave enough to run into that house going up in flames to pull out your scared child that’s still trapped in there.

These things don’t only happen in blockbuster movies, they are real situations and very real people we’re talking about here…

I was honoured to be given a VIP tour around Singapore’s oldest Fire Station (Central Fire station). They showed me how to operate their equipment (dunno why they’d do that but lol ok) and other cool stuff like how they slide down the famous metal pole in times of emergency and I also had the privilege speaking a few paramedics and firefighters and *insert other high rank here.. sorry don’t know much about the official titles* and one of them told me a very heartwarming story of when there was an earthquake crisis overseas and they went over voluntarily (no pay!) to help and there was dead bodies lying around everywhere and the place they were trying to provide aid for was dangerous and unhygienic and everything but they still stayed on to ease the suffering of the victims and how they saved their lives…

It was so touching :’)

It’s not everyday you get to hear a story like that from a real hero!!!

*respect*

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13) Went on a hot air balloon, parasailing and a helicopter ride!!!

I’ve always seen these three things in movies and I’ve been DYING to try em out!

So I did. Yay!!!

Anything that’s got to do with “flying” gets me all excited because I love that feeling of weightlessness. It’s like I AM SUPERMAN HEHE LOOK AT ME!!

All three are equally thrilling, although the one that really gets your adrenaline pumping is parasailing. You are literally dangling over NOTHING, it feels like you’re flying… And it goes waaaaay higher than I thought!

Now, I’m really itching to try out bungee jumping and sky diving. But Sam has been scaring me with all these horror stories about bungee / sky diving gone wrong and people dying and whatever…. makes me scared because I’m chicken shit when it comes to these things :(

I’m not actually scared of the activity itself, but the MENTAL part shits me. Just knowing there’s room for error sends me into a fit of panic…

Even though I ♥ roller coasters and make it a point to ride every single one in the theme park, without fail I’d mumble a little quick prayer before we get on even though I’m not even religious… I’m not really asking for god’s blessing, it’s just to comfort myself LOL.

And if I hear a tiny squeak from the metal railings or something, I think, “SHIT am I goin to fall off this thing and die?! Wtf nooo!!!”

I sincerely regret watching Final Destination because I swear that fucking movie makes me paranoid of EVERYTHING. The people die in the most random way in that show… And they make it seem so innocent and natural that I’m terrified it’ll happen to me too.

The show’s concept is really fucked up. It’s like even if you carefully avoid death, it still persists in finding its way to you. I do not like that idea at all FML. I’d like to think that if I survived a potentially fatal car crash, it’s because I am too pretty to die (jk.. the word is lucky) and I’d proceed to live on a long and happy fulfilling life and become a grandmother and eventually die healthy and 100 years old in my bed.. not spend the next few days trying to avoid death altogether again wtf?!

…..Ok, scary shit aside, I’ve actually done INDOOR sky diving before!

You don’t dive out of a plane of course, but they put you in the same suit they use as real skydiving and you enter this facility where winds at speeds of hundreds of kilometers per hour are coming out of the ground from below you and the air force is pretty much exactly the same thing you get when you jump out of a plane at few thousand feet above the ground, so you are suspended in air, just like the real activity!!!

It’s awesomely fun and surprisingly very easy to manage.. Although the winds can be a bit strong, it’s the closest feeling to flying you’ll ever get! The best part about indoor sky diving is that you don’t only FALL,

you can actually gain height and perform stunts as well.

Check this video out!!! Omg makes me wanna do it again.. so fun!

Depending on how you contour your body, you can manipulate it to escalate through the air and you can fly up and down like Superman!!

The scariest part is actually jumping INTO that tunnel.. They say you’re meant to jump in with your hands in the air and your back arched, so you may be lifted up into the air by the strong windy force coming from the ground and you pretty much hold your breath, take a leap of faith and JUMP and expect yourself to fall but instead you glide effortlessly into the air and you go like, WTF?? Awesome!!!”

As far as I know, very few places in the world offer indoor skydiving.. but lucky for Singaporeans, the nearest one is super near! I did indoor sky diving at Genting Highlands, which is like an 8 hour coach ride away… It doesn’t cost you a lot to do this activity either.

You can’t miss this experience.. it’s neither dangerous nor scary, it’s just stupidly cool.

Now that I’m so riled up about indoor skydiving, the next time Sam comes to Singapore, I’m gonna take him to Genting and take him indoor skydiving! OMG baby are you excited?? Hehe.

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14) Went up to the mountains and frolicked in real snow for the first time ever!!!

I haven’t got around to blogging about this yet, BUT I WENT TO THE SNOW!!!

Omgggggggggg.

For the longest time I’ve been wanting to toboggan down snowy hills and make snow angels and taste snowflakes and build snowmen and go snowmobiling and take snow lifts and look at pure white snowy mountains and I FINALLY DID IT.

It was so sureal because I’ve seen snow in real life before, once in Las Vegas where we had flurries (super rare event!!) and another time in Chicago, but that’s different because you get a little bit of snow only – you’re not up in the mountains, no skis and snowboards, etc..

I actually plucked up some courage and tried my hand (or in this case, feet) at snowboarding.

What a mistake… I FAILED.

Snowboarding is an extreme sport and I can’t even ride a bicycle, wtf was I thinking trying to ride steep, snowy, slippery, freezing mountains on a stupid board???

Nonetheless it was an incredible experience and I’m so looking forward to going to the snow again! (even though it was mind-numbingly cold. i don’t get cold very easily, but this was so bad it gave me a bad fever and terrible muscle aches after we came down from the mountains)

I felt like such a kid when I was there… I was in awe of how pretty everything was!! I had a lot of fun jumping into super thick piles of snow everywhere – it’s like marshmallow but the shaved ice version!! The texture’s kinda like cotton candy.

SO FLUFFY AND WHITE!! ^.^

I didn’t realize how dangerous the snow was though.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE to walk around without good snow shoes, otherwise you’d be slipping and tripping all over the place. It’s also impossible to drive properly in the snow…

It oversnowed while we were there and absolutely no vehicles were allowed, even with chains on the wheels, except the special snowmobiles made for super thick snow! Large amounts of snow kept falling from rooftops at random intervals and scared the fuck outta everyone.

I soon understood that the snow up in the mountains is vastly different from the kind of snow I’d imagine to wake up to on Christmas morning…

When you’re up in the alps, the conditions are extremely harsh.. Strong winds, steep hills, disgusting temperatures o_x

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15) Traveled to Perth and explored other parts of Western Australia!!!

My most recent holiday… Yet it feels like so long ago!!

I’m a big fan of Australia, and I love how it’s so close to home… It’s a white country and all but it’s so multi cultural and the people are fantastic.

It feels like home away from home.

Whereas in America it’s a lot more hostile and racism is a bigger issue because many people there haven’t been exposed to as many races and cultures… Everyone says “Americans only know about America” and I hate to admit it but there is some truth to that statement! Not every American is ignorant about things outside of the states but many have never ever ever ever left their own state, let alone travel to other countries!

Ok why am I talking bout America…

Back to my point on Australia!!!

This trip was really fun because it was the first trip me and Sam’s taken that we could drive around in a rented car,
which was super convenient and saved us quite a bit on transportation… The freedom of being able to do anything and go anywhere you want, anytime, especially in a foreign country is sooooo good.

We took road trips and saw Albany, passed by a lot of small towns and Rockingham, etc :)

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16) Took a plane flight on my own for the very first time!!!

It may not seem like such a big deal but it is to me.

It screams I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E!!!

Embarking on a journey thousands of miles up in the air, traveling across oceans and countries and going away to a foreign land all by yourself…. Doesn’t that sound scary?

I’m afraid of plane flights and think the entire experience is utterly awful and once vowed to never travel alone (the flights get so lonely! luckily mine was for only 8 hours)

It’s so tiresome and boring with transits and waiting for check in and departure and whatever..

The fact that my mum even LET me travel alone to another country is a wonder of its own.

My mum is the kind of mother who would call me at 7pm and ask me to come home soon (even though I’m 18 and don’t come home till like midnight or something) or she will be like, “when you take taxi at night, be careful of weird taxi drivers ah!!!”

Or when I tell her I’m going to the beach, she’s like “be careful when you’re swimming..” like as if I’m gonna drown or something. Basically she’s very protective and worries a lot, so I was very surprised when she didn’t object to me flying alone!

Her baby girl is all grown up now and she trusts her enough to let her go… awww :’)


Don’t I feel adult-ish!!!

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17) Traveled to Melbourne and drove down the Great Ocean Road!!!

This is one of the few, FEW pics I have in Melbourne itself.

Most of the time we were out on road trips and whatever so we didn’t go to the city very much…

It was my first time in Melbourne! (or in the state of Victoria) I’ve heard wonderful things about this place but was kinda disappointed when I did get here. I don’t see what’s the big hooha about?

It’s like Perth, but less scenic, more rushed and looks a little depressing actually… They have a lot of old buildings, that’s apparently supposed to be Victorian but it wasn’t the elegant, vintage Victorian look it was the old, “this needs to be renovated” Victorian look o.O

The food wasn’t that amazing either. I wouldn’t even be this disappointed if I hadn’t heard so many raves from other people!!!! Lies!
The food is just as good or even better anywhere else.

We checked out the Titanic exhibition in the Melbourne Museum and I liked that at least. Very interesting and they had a lot of cool things on display…

I really hope that I’ve misjudged Melbourne and that it’s actually more interesting than this!


The Great Ocean Road!!!!

Scenic indeed.. Long ass drive, but it was worth it. Saw the Twelve Apostles (from the air!) and strolled along various sandy beaches…

Realized what a joy driving in the country side is. Not many other cars, no traffic lights, just a really peaceful and quiet drive amongst green hills and hundreds of sheep and cows and horses and lush greenery and even more hills and the blue skies and fluffy white clouds!

Road trips are so much fun and very affordable too!

They may be short but they’re still a hell of an experience.

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And that my friends, is a brief recap of my 17th year of life!!!

Would’ve listed more things, but I guess these would be the most entertaining to read about…. for now.

Compared to the other 16 years of my life, I’d say year 17 was rather eventful. I grew up A LOT during this year… Experienced many things I didn’t think I would until many years later. Time really flies… Take this from a 18 year old who didn’t know where the hell her 17 went.

I suppose a lot of it went to sitting around at home waiting for Sam to come to Singapore… Being in a long distance relationship changes you. It made me really boring and not feel like doing anything when he’s not around! Honestly 99% of my time is spent moping around at home nowadays. Really wish I didn’t have to feel this way but not much I can do about it now.

Could’ve done so much more with a normal relationship ZZZ!! Samuel Aaron McArthur are you reading this?! Can you please fix this shitty situation like now?

Now that’s all said and done:

Can’t wait to read what I have to say next year - “18 things I did when I was 18″!

xoxo,
Jess

Self-Esteem Issues

Every time I see or hear a perfectly normal looking girl complain that she’s ugly or that she’s fat, it seriously pisses me off.

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Are you so incredibly shallow that all you can fuss about is how many inches your ridiculously average thighs and arms have gained?

I suppose I can try to empathize with girls who are genuinely unpleasant looking or obese girls crying over their fate…

But when I see NORMAL, average girls whining to viewers on a PUBLIC PLATFORM when there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them (besides zero self-esteem) it pisses me off because it’s such an insult to people with actual eating disorders or people who are actually struggling to deal with unhealthy weights. (no matter thin or fat)

Or people born with deformities!!!

How many people dealing with self-esteem issues are going to look at their blogs and feel even worse about themselves?

It’s like they look up to you because they think you’re smart / pretty / hot and whatever, and then you crush not only your self-esteem but theirs as well when you talk about how “fugly” you look.

Stop bitching about your insignificant non-existent problems and maybe start wondering about more pressing issues :

Like finding a cure to cancer, or you know, ask yourself… “Why do I have such shitty self-esteem and feel so awful about myself?!”

I know of one too many girls that like to bitch endlessly about how they regrettably ate so much when they’re supposedly on a “strict diet” and then start to freak out over their weight gain…

Obviously you do NOT think you’re fugly, you are just an attention-seeking hoe.

Who will believe you every time you call yourself “ugly” or “fat”, when you have big ass vain pictures of yourself plastered all over your website?!?

NOTHING says narcissism like multiple similar pictures of yourself pulling act chio faces at the camera.

Real people with real image problems don’t do that sort of thing, because they are honestly embarrassed about the situation.

Those who post vain pics of themselves with a caption along the lines of something like “I am so ugly / fat!!!” are just fishing for compliments and it’s sickening, because they expect readers to comfort them and go like,

“No, you are so pretty and sexy and don’t need to lose weight / get surgery!”

So they can feel better about themselves all over again. Pui!!!!

If you think you are so damn ugly, why don’t you just get plastic surgery already, or brush up on your make up skills!

Or if you’re so convinced that you’re FAT (which you’re probably not) then why don’t you get off your lazy ass and start exercising instead of boozing and binging away and then come back home to bitch on your blog or to your friends again.

I know this post sounds rather angsty but I know SO MANY PEOPLE who just whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine about their problems but never even bother to fix them!!!!

Your life will still be shitty at the end of the day anyway.

It’s like, “Oh, I’m broke….. But I’m still partying every other night, blowing money on cab fares and alcohol or buying ciggys to get lung cancer or shopping because I can’t resist temptation”

Yes, shut the fuck up pls!!!

You’re not broke, or fat, or any of the above – you are just SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.

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To all the girls suffering from self-esteem problems by feeling unnecessarily fat or ugly:

Stop comparing yourself to crazily beautiful girls. The truth is, some people just GOT IT… while others don’t.

One way I stopped feeling bad about myself was to stop reading magazines that had so many photoshopped images of the “ideal look”.

I know it’s in our nature to oggle at like supermodels once in awhile and go like, “Omg, I wish I had big eyes / tits like her!!”

But honestly? These models are PAID to look the way they are. It’s how they make a living. Their looks are their life.

Chances are, they probably maintain a very strict diet (no yummy junk food or anything), work out religiously in gym everyday, spend hours on hair and make up day in and day out… it’s extremely hard work.

Many even go under the knife to fix up their entire face or get fake boobies just to become more appealing!!!!

Unless you’re willing to go through all of that to look as gorgeous as them…

I’ll put it simply – You don’t have the rights to compare yourself to them.

When is it going to get into your heads that you’ll NEVER be pretty enough unless you’re pretty enough for you?

Even gorgeous models suffer from self-esteem issues, despite how gorgeous they look. Why? Because they never felt good enough!!!! There was always something they weren’t satisfied with.

Or you know, already gorgeous models would compare themselves to EVEN MORE GORGEOUS MODELS.

There will always be somebody better, hotter, smarter, richer, and luckier.

Why do you think so many models are suffering (or have died) from anorexia? Do you really want to become one of them?


Self-esteem is SO IMPORTANT,
especially to a girl because we happen to be a lot more sensitive (especially about our looks)… and all it takes is one degrading comment to shatter it all.

Trust me, I know what it’s like to feel incredibly insecure. Well I’ve grown out of feeling insecure now, but I definitely remember the days when I was harping over every apparent imperfection I had.

Now that I’m more confident of myself, it’s helped me become more optimistic and view my life in an entirely new way.

Shitty self-esteem can lead to so many problems in your life! Take relationship problems for example.

I know for a fact that guys hate it when girls always ask, “Does my ass look huge in this?” (I don’t ever ask this coz my ass is huge in anything I wear)

Or “Do I look fat in this dress”?!

He’s your boyfriend!!!! What is he going to say, even if you DID look horrid? If you ask him this question too often, it’s only a matter of time before he becomes uncomfortable and annoyed.

Self-confidence is sexy.

Normal guys prefer girls with a bit of meat on them, and they would definitely want somebody who’s not scared to death of a cheeseburger.

I’ve had some friends tell me before, “I’m so glad you’re not like those other girls who NEVER eat whenever we go out! Usually they would just order something pathetic, like a salad. Dunno what’s wrong with them…”

Low self-esteem can also cause you problems like lack of intimacy in your relationship, because you feel too unattractive to get it on and you’re always not in the mood.

Work, and relationship with friends can also become affected.

Just feeling like you’re not good enough to handle a job will already affect your performance for it. It’s a sub-conscious thing…

Being jealous of seemingly “hotter” and “better” friends can also hurt your relationships with them!

A little goes a long way when it comes to self-confidence…

If you feel good about yourself, you WILL achieve better.

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I received this question on my formspring 3 days ago:

“My bf told me that I should work out & be sexy for him. coz skinny girls are prettier. Jess, I am not fat. What should I do? I am so depressed.”


Ugh!!!!!!!

It reminds me of my stupid ex-boyfriend who was always telling me to go on a diet and that I’m too big sized. Yes, I may be tall and meaty, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was MIDGET-sized and so damn skinny!!!


Why should I try to make up for HIS imperfections?

And so I didn’t.

Eventually I dumped his sorry ass.. (I probably repeat this too often, but I’m particularly proud of breaking free)

Some times I feel like guys treat their girlfriends like trophies. Like, “We’re going out to a function with my family / friends tonight, so you’d better dress up nicely for me!”

Why, cuz if I look a little less than pretty, you’d feel embarrassed to be with me?

FUCK THAT SHIT!

If I EVER decide to dress up and look good, it will be for me, myself and I – nobody else. Why should I have to look pretty for you?

You should be proud of your girlfriends at all times – doesn’t matter if she’s in sweats or in a glamorous dress.

He got into a relationship with you, and so he should accept you for exactly who you are.

“Not skinny enough” is NOT a reason to tell your girlfriend that she’s not good enough and has to change herself!!!

If he wants a “skinny pretty girl” then by all means, he should go ahead and find someone else who’s skinny enough for him, why the hell is he trying to change you to suit his preferences?!

It’s like walking into McDonalds and demanding to be served a steak.

No fucking steaks here, if you don’t like Big Macs then get the fuck out!!!!!!

I hate it when guys put their girl friends down and make them feel horrid about themselves.

If anything, a girl should receive utmost support from her boyfriend because if he doesn’t think she’s beautiful.. she’ll feel like nobody else does either.

And you know what else I’ve noticed?

The girl is ALWAYS hotter than the guy in most relationships!!! WTF. And the stupid guy still dares to ask her to “be hotter”

To the person who left me that formspring comment:

Good on ya for knowing that you’re not fat and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Knowing that the problem lies with HIM, and not you, is half the battle won already.

Now, what you really need to do is to tell that guy to shut up or get the hell out of your life. Yes, you may be in a relationship and everything, but a guy like that is not worth keeping.

We all deserve a guy who will look her in the eyes and tells her just how beautiful she really is.


Girls, don’t ever let your boyfriend put you down!!!!

Never let a man think that he’s better than you because he will step all over you eventually, no matter how good natured he is. It’s just a male dominance thing.

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I’m sure a lot of you know exactly what I am talking about.

Maybe you are not suffering from self-esteem issues, but everyone knows SOMEBODY they care about who is.

It doesn’t have to be just about looks – it could be not being “good enough” for their partners, their parents, their friends, at work or just not feeling good enough about themselves in general.

The next time someone I give a shit about talks to me about their self-destructive thoughts or behaviour, I’ll be sure to give them one hell of a wake up call.

And because a large amount of my blog readers are young adults who are mostly female, I’ll repeat this again…

As long as your weight is acceptable and normal (calculate your BMI) there is nothing wrong with you.

And beauty is subjective…

The only thing wrong with you is your self-obsession and silly chase after perfection, when it’s not even necessary.

There is the normal kind of need for improvement in life… take that, add compulsive obsessive behaviour and you get unnecessarily shitty self-esteem.

I know that at this day and age, it’s hard to feel like you’re ever good enough. The media is always feeding us crazy images of the ideal looks, status and in general… the idea life.

In whatever we do, competition is always crazy high and people who don’t care about you won’t hesitate to bring you down.

Life seems to kick us in the nuts all the time when we’re already down….

And the list goes on.

But that’s no reason to stop treating yourself right. (and it’s an even sillier reason to burden the people who care about you with!!!)

How does a person start feeling good about themselves?

It’s very simple - Instead of focusing on your flaws, embrace your attributes.

Everyone is good at something. We just gotta find out what that is..

Do something about it before it consumes you.

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Every girl DESERVES to feel beautiful, no matter how “flawed” she is.

All she needs is somebody to believe in that, before she will.

xoxo,
Jess

Warwick Avenue

I love this song and I usually sing it when I’m in a good mood, but today it just caught me and tugged on my heart strings while I was unexpectedly vulnerable, and I feel compelled to open up and share my own experiences with other people so here goes.

Listening to this song and watching the tears roll down Duffy’s face made me think of my own tears that I shed while being in the exact same situation.

This song is about moving on to better things in life, to break free from a seemingly bottomless pit and finally realizing that you’re better off than what you once believed you could never live without.

For 2 and a half years of my life, I lived everyday thinking that I was in love with my ex-boyfriend and that I could never survive a day without him.

Almost a year later, I’m in a relationship with someone who appreciates me more, I am generally happier and definitely better off.

Despite the fact that I’m in love with someone completely new and have already moved on, it seems like every now and then I remember what used to be my world, and I remember one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned and will ever learn.

They say “the first cut is the deepest”, and I’m sorry if I have to resort to cliche and over-repeated quotes we have all heard before to emphasize on what I really mean, but these quotes wouldn’t be so famous if they weren’t so true.

Your first love would be nothing like the rest of your relationships. It is the first time you fall in love that you fall the deepest, because you love like you’ve never been hurt before. And that, in my opinion, is one of the truest forms of love.

Because in my first real relationship, I taught myself how to love unconditionally. I was new to this scene, and all I could really understand was how hard and fast he made my heart beat.

I’ve never known heartbreak like how it knew to always find its way to me, and because I’ve never been hurt quite so badly, I also never knew how to protect myself.

For the longest time, I was obsessed with the fact that I was in love with somebody whom I thought was perfect for me, never once stopping to realize that perhaps I’m in love with the idea of what I’d like him to be or who I THINK he is, and not realizing who he actually was is someone I’ve never known, and still don’t.


I was trying to hold onto someone who was already gone.

I was young, far too young and naive back then to even begin to grasp the basic concept of relationships. I just knew that I had to love him, and that I had to be with him.

When you’re in a relationship like that, you don’t stop to think that one day, all that was your entire world would come crashing down on your head, taking you along with it.

You’d never imagine that he would say the hurtful things to shatter your world that he eventually did one day, you’d never imagine that you were merely placed as an option all along when he was obviously your priority.

And so I got hurt.

I was lied to, I was emotionally abused and I cried like I’ve never cried before.

He didn’t want to see me, he was seeing other girls and making use of me, toying with my feelings and you know… just doing the usual stuff to break my heart.


And you know what? That’s okay.

Everyone goes through heartbreak, and sometimes you’re gonna wholeheartedly trust that seemingly special someone who steals your heart but conveniently steps all over it and leaves you to bleed out all by yourself… but the most important part is knowing how to pick up the pieces and walk away.

There will always be assholes out there.

But they are not the biggest problem of all.

I am not quite as upset about the fact that he cheated me a hundred times too many, and absolutely destroyed my self-esteem and every ounce of self-respect I had for myself..

What I’m really, really cut about is the fact that I let him do it to me. Over and over again.

I let him hurt me, because I was too eager to believe his lies, too desperate to feel wanted and loved.

I believe that..

The first time he lies to you, it is his fault.

The second, third, fourth and countless other times are all your fault.

You must know that if he lies to you once, he definitely can lie to you again. I am not saying that he definitely will, I am just saying that he might and is definitely capable of repeating the same mistakes.

And you know what else?! Don’t be an idiot.

There’s a chance that he won’t tear you up inside again, but don’t use that as an excuse to throw away your dignity and self-worth and readily accept living a lie while in self-denial.

Don’t let that be the reason why you forgive him after his second repeated mistake even though there was a gut feeling inside you telling you that something is very, very wrong.

I’ll be completely honest with you and tell you that the only reason why I stuck with my ex-boyfriend for so long was because I was too obsessed with the idea that some day he will change for me, and I can say that I was right here waiting for him all along.

They say love is unconditional, and me being the idiot that I was, happily lapped up every single ounce of bullshit that was spoon fed to me by clueless people who claimed that true love is unconditional.

And it was my first relationship – of course I thought I was truly in love.

But I’ve been meaning to say this for awhile now so I will say it loud and clear.


FUCK UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

The last time I listened to that shitty advice, I got my heart seriously fucking broken.

Only 2 types of people would promote “unconditional love” :

Mother Teresa, or somebody who just couldn’t find anyone better out there to make themselves happier and simply resigned to their lowly fate.

You know, that would be the sort of shit coming from Jerk Neo’s wife, going like “I will love him no matter what, stick by him through thick and thin……… even though he wanted to stick his penis into everything that was breathing and had a hole beneath ignoring the fact that we are married with kids”

Yes, your love may be “unconditional”, and that is the reason why your husband is going around having sex with girls half your age and probably why you are so bloody miserable and still haven’t left him yet.

They say she’s known about the affairs, but kept one eye shut.

What’s even more astonishing is the fact that some girls said they found her love to be very inspiring and strong. What kind of message is this woman sending across to young girls in Singapore?!?

That it is okay for your husband to cheat on you?

Or that knowingly letting your husband belittle you and everything that your marriage stood for is loving someone unconditionally?

It’s not.

It is, more than anything, sheer stupidity and lack of self-respect for yourself.

I find that 99% of the time, guys take girls for granted because we let them. Never let the guy feel like he doesn’t even need to earn your respect or forgiveness when he’s done something wrong.

A relationship shouldn’t be something just to HAVE, it’s something to work for!!!

Practicality over passion is for losers who end up marrying someone they wish they didn’t and spend the rest of their lives hating on people who are actually in love and happy.

Who is going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself?

“To love somebody, you must first love yourself.”

Sounds like a load of bullocks, but let me explain it to you.

When you love yourself, you learn to take pride in having utmost dignity and respect your self-worth. With that, men will eventually realize that they cannot shove you aside and trample all over you like a barbie doll – They will learn to respect you as well.

They say “trust is the fundamental base in a relationship” but what they don’t tell you is that someone will only bother to tell you the inconvenient truth if they respect you enough.

Otherwise, they’d figure that you are not even worth explaining to and would forget the whole idea of being completely honest with you in the end.

Without mutual respect, there will be no honesty and not enough consideration, and with that, there will certainly be no happiness and love.

No guy in his right mind would intentionally or knowingly hurt a woman he really cares about, he would rather hurt himself.

If he’s willing to take that chance, then obviously he doesn’t care about you as much as you think he does.

Love can be impractical (like my own long-distance relationship), sometimes it may not even make sense but


LOVE IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL UNLESS IT’S FROM YOUR MOTHER!

It worries me when I see how many girls out there are in destructive relationships, letting themselves be physically and emotionally abused by their boyfriends – all in the name of “unconditional love”!!

Please stand up for yourself and have some dignity!

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You’re better off without the boy who would always rather spend time playing stupid computer games than precious time with you,

The boy who always seems to have suspiciously over-friendly text messages with random girls on his phone

The boy who shortens your dates because he would rather do something else with other people

The boy who (indirectly or not) compares you to other girls with better figures, looks etc or says bad things about you to destroy your self esteem

The boy who always conveniently fails to pick up his phone while he’s out partying at night

The boy who turns violent and whose aggressiveness scares / harms you when you guys have fights

The boy who never keeps his promises, from the littlest to the biggest things

The boy who says bad things about behind your back to his / your friends

The boy who could look you straight in the eyes and tell a blatant lie without even blinking

The boy who never replies your sweet text messages and never calls back when he says he will

The boy who seems to love you, but seems to like every other girl as well

…And the boy who just never loved and appreciated you enough.

Most girls are unrealistically optimistic about their relationships or sometimes just in major self-denial, so if there happens to be a voice inside your head telling you that something is wrong, don’t ignore it.

I remember crying myself to sleep wishing that things would get better, but they never did. Not until I took control of my own life and stopped letting a destructive relationship consume me.

And I know I’m not the only one who cries myself to sleep (or used to)

If he abuses you in any way or if he really does not make you happy, you are better off without him. It will hurt a lot in the beginning, but eventually you will thank yourself for making the right decision.

Perhaps this may be hard to believe for those who are stuck in a shitty relationship or situation right now..

But some day you will meet somebody new, who will treat you the way you should be and want to be treated then you will realize that relationships hold a whole new meaning to you.

It is not a quest for dominance, it is a lovely partnership where you can both contribute to each others lives and make it more worthwhile.

I concur that having the balls to break up with my abusive and manipulative ex-boyfriend is one of the best decisions I have ever made, and has allowed me to grow so much as a person.

Muster whatever courage that you have, and take a leap from this black hole that’s eating you up inside. Break free.

I know it is easier said than done – I’ve been in my fair share of pretty awful situations myself. I know what it’s like to feel completely trapped in a bottomless pit that you feel like you’ve got yourself in..

But stop bloody wallowing in self-pity and DO SOMETHING to make your life better!

And when you do finally take the plunge, be firm with your decision and never look back.

Nothing says weak like trying to walk away from someone but giving up halfway and ending up running right back into his waiting arms because he knew you just weren’t strong enough to do it.

With each try, the next will be harder, and more distant.

Oh and of course, assholes are not worth being friends with!!! Tell the ex to go screw himself if he wants to be “friends”, more like he wants make up sex or something y’know? Don’t trust him.

In the past, I let myself down by allowing my ex-boyfriend to mistreat me for so long, but I will go out of my way to make sure this doesn’t happen to me again, or anyone that I really care about.

A mistake is not wasted if the lesson is learned, so I’m sharing mine with you.

I had to learn all of this through the hard way, and it took up 2 and a half of some of the best years of my life.

I only hope that this blog post would reach out to somebody out there who is in a similar situation as I was in and find that this post has helped them understand things a little better,

or have given them the slightest bit of inspiration to breaking free from an unhealthy relationship that’s causing more misery than it’s worth.

I’m giving you advice that I’m taking myself. We are all still young (unless you’re like, 50. hi mum) and we shouldn’t have to settle for less than what we can get.

We have the rest of our lives for commitment, but settling for an unhealthy relationship at a young age is just plain silly, silly, silly! No wonder my mum always told me I was sooooo naive and borderline delusional.

Don’t wait by the phone for the call that will never come, and stop giving someone who doesn’t deserve it a second chance.

It’s not called a second chance when it’s been said and done more than twice..

Stop trying to change that person – start by changing yourself!!!!!!

I leave you with lyrics from Warwick Avenue by Duffy.

For your convenience, I have embedded the video twice in this post because it’s an awesome song that makes the lyrics so easy to relate to.

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Meet me by the entrance of the tube
We can talk things over a little time
Promise me you won’t stand by the light

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true
Don’t think we’re okay just because I’m here
You hurt me bad but I won’t shed a tear

I’m leaving you for the last time baby
You think you’re loving but you don’t love me
I’ve been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you’re loving but I want to be free
Baby, you’ve hurt me

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We’ll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers, now here’s the door

When I get to Warwick Avenue
I’ll tell you baby that we’re through

I’m leaving you for the last time baby
You think you’re loving but you don’t love me
I’ve been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you’re loving but you don’t love me
I want to be free, baby, you’ve hurt me

All the days spent together, I wished for better
But I didn’t want the train to come
Now it’s departed, I’m broken hearted
Seems like we never started

All those days spent together when I wished for better
And I didn’t want the train to come

“I’m leaving you for the last time baby
I’ve been confused, out of my mind lately

You think you’re loving but you don’t love me
I want to be free, baby, you’ve hurt me”

…Here’s to all the girls (and boys) who know exactly what the fuck I am talking about.

Fight for your own happiness because you deserve it.

xoxo,
Jess
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