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Phillip’s PJS!!! ♥

So a couple of days ago, something really random and wonderful happened.

We were at a shopping mall (Northlands) and we walked by Lincraft, which is a really big fabric / arts & craft store in Melbourne, and Sam casually said, “Hey, do you wanna make something for Phillip?”

And I’m like, “What do you mean?”

And he’s all like… “We could make him some pajamas. :D”

So I said ok.. I love the idea, but I don’t know how to sew though. Apparently, however, Sam does. o_O Surprise surprise. I can’t think of ONE other male I know that sews lol. I mean I think I know BASIC sewing but I can’t sew anything proper!!! Sam’s parents used to be tailors so I guess he picked up some skills from them here and there. So with a fair bit of skepticism, we stepped into Lincraft and bought a 1 meter long really cute printed fabric with duckies on it, then headed back to his place shortly after wards.

That night, Sam spent 4 hours sewing… taking Phillip’s measurements (LOL no more fried chicken for you, little penguin!), figuring out how to sew sleeves and buttons, his mum and dad even came along to help…

And after a lot of fussing and huffing over the sewing machine…


PHILLIP CAN HAS DUCKIES PAJAMAS!!!!!!!!!! :’D

He even has a matching PJ hat (do humans really wear those to sleep?) and three cute yellow buttons! Cute overloaddd.

Isn’t this just the cutest thing ever????? I can’t believe my boyfriend did that for me!!! I mean a guy who cooks, sews, bakes, and gives awesome massages surely is marriage material. I’m a bit young for that at the moment but I’ll definitely keep this in mind in the future!!!

I’m so pleased with the results, I’m now trying to convince him to sew clothes for my other toys. I think I have like 30+ soft toys in my room.

Me: “I think you should make Phillip a dress! A pink frilly one with pearls!! ^.^ Would look so cute in it hurhur”

Sam: “But why? O.o Phillip is a boy!!”

Me: “Guys wear skirts too! Look at Irishmen!”

Looking at Phillip now puts an even bigger grin on my face than before. His cuteness level just DOUBLED, if that’s even possible. :’)

I think this is pretty high up the list of, “sweetest gestures people have ever done for me.” ♥

The most amazing part was how Sam suggested to do this for me all by himself, without me ever suggesting it to him (like I said I didn’t know he could sew) and he did it because he knew it would make me so happy!!! And it does!!!! It might seem silly to other people, but this means so much to me. It’s the little things like these that matter the most. Knowing how to make your partner happy another person would have no clue of.

I feel so blessed.

So does Phillip, because he has fluffy duckies PJs to wear to sleep now! :) He’ll be kept warm and snuggly all night! His PJs are tailored to fit him even better than mine are, lol, mine are just $7 ones from K-Mart.

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Update: Random video that came about when I received a Formspring question going, “What personality does Phillip have?”

You’ll have to turn the volume up to get past my maniacal laughter. Words cannot describe how much I ♥ Phillip!!! Singing and dancing is but one of Phillip’s many talents. :D

xoxo,
Jess

Beautiful Bondi Beach

This is the reason why we picked out our holiday apartment in Bondi, out of all the places to be in Sydney.

Check out those homes!!! Imagine if that was your front yard…

It’s the place to see, and to be seen in.

Bondi Beach is aaaamazing. Striking blue water that sparkles in the sun light and powdery soft sand, all of this only 20 minutes from Sydney CBD. And like a 5 minutes stroll from our little apartment. How on earth do they manage to keep it looking so pristine and beautiful despite being a major tourist hot spot? I have no idea. I would’ve imagined it to be heavily polluted by now.

I used to watch “Bondi Rescue” on Youtube for entertainment and never thought I’d actually get to frolic around in it someday. It’s just somewhere I didn’t picture myself in but I loved every minute spent on Bondi Beach. The weather was too harsh for swimwear so we were decked out in boots and leggings, nevertheless it was a quiet and gorgeous afternoon.

I think I would’ve preferred this than to be here in summer, as it gets crazy packed around in Bondi during peak season, I don’t believe it wouldn’t been quite as serene. My Sydney friend Andrew tells me it gets so busy, you’d have to wait sometimes more than an hour just to find a spot to sit down. On top of that, add the Australian sun / heat during summer… No, thanks.

We spent a whole afternoon here just chatting everything under the sun (literally), taking naps lying down on the soft white sand. Fidelis reads on her kindle, while I listen to songs and watch videos on Youtube…. Oh and of course, occasionally plugging out my earphones to listen to the waves crash onto shore while staring into the turqoise sky, thinking about how much I love life. That was my favorite part.

And that about sums up our afternoon in Bondi.

I can’t control my urge to chase sea gulls whenever I see them. It’s like I have to do it to stay sane. Like a doggy with it’s tail.

She looks an anime character in this photo!

I MAKE GOOD BOLLYWOOD DANCER???

A place this beautiful just makes you wanna jump up and dance…

But I can’t dance, so I made Fidel’s scarf dance for me.

A lucky capture!

It’s moments like this when I have absolutely no care in the world, that the randomest life questions pop into my head. Lately they’ve been all about maternity affairs… oh dear lord have mercy on my soul.

“Will I marry Sam?”

“What should I name my future daughter?”

“How many kids do I want to have?”

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.”

xoxo,
Jess

Someone Like You

Some late night pondering.

Recently, I have been obsessing over the song “Someone Like You”


- Someone Like You by Adele

As I was singing the lyrics “Never mind I’ll find someone like you…” out loud, I actually stopped for a second and thought to myself, “No, I won’t.”

If I broke up with my boyfriend, I wouldn’t find somebody just like him.

I’d actually find somebody totally different, because if it could work out with someone like my ex, I wouldn’t have given it up, or messed it up. It’s called an “ex” because it’s an “example” of what kind of guy you shouldn’t be dating. Maybe you’d want to find someone who can make you feel as special and wanted as he did, but girls, if he had you but decided to give you up… Trust me, you don’t want to find somebody like him.

You should want somebody better.

Too many people dwell on the past so much, they forget to look to the future. Reminiscence is futile. Instead of trying to hold onto a person who’s already gone, learn from your mistakes and walk away with your head held high. It’s not always that simple, or that straightforward, I know… but not trying is letting yourself down.

Whenever I’m upset because I’ve quarreled with my boyfriend, a common piece of advice I’d always receive is, “Just think about your happier times in the past.”

To which I would secretly scoff at under my breath. WHAT is the point of constantly revisiting the past just to convince yourself that the situation you’re in now is worth it? You should stay in a relationship because you’re excited about your FUTURE together, not because he “was nice to me last time.”

Last time is last time. Last time doesn’t matter anymore.

Now is right freakin’ now. Now = r e a l i t y, so get yourself a reality check. Are you happy now? Do you think this guy is capable of making you happy in the near future? The future hasn’t arrived, but if you find yourself trapped in the past or your “honeymoon period” then you can safely assume your future is bleak. What matters most about how a man treats you is during the tough times. The good times? I’m not saying forget them.

What I’m saying is that if a man can’t handle you at your worst, then he sure as hell does not deserve you at your best.

Find someone who is willing to rough it out with you because when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. If he’s not tough, your relationship will not be going anywhere eventually. It’s not difficult to find a boy who is cute and charming at the start. Every guy WILL be nice to you at the start of the relationship.

Because he wants you, because the chase is still thrilling, because he’s trying to impress you and because he hasn’t begun to take you for granted yet. We are ALL flawed, and we all take things for granted some times. But some people look into their partner’s eyes and realize what they have is special. While others, go through their whole life drifting from one facade to another.. You can’t stay in love if you don’t love being in love.

Don’t judge a boyfriend’s character from how he treats you the first 6 months, because those 6 months will not last you the rest of your life. I wasted so much time on my ex this way. I just kept wishing for better. Why make wishes when you’re in charge of your own life? YOU can make your own life better.

One of these days you’re going to run out of happy memories to tide you through the bad times. You’re going to need new ones. Judge your relationship’s strength by how he handles your quarrels AFTER the honeymoon period. Does he still try as hard? Take as much time as you need to decide how you feel about him for as long as you’re together. It’s totally okay to change your mind.

That’s what I tell myself all the time. And I honestly believe it’s true even though I may come across as being selfish. I can’t be feeling guilt because my feelings have changed. I can’t tell my heart what to feel and I can’t tell a boy to love me if he doesn’t anymore. You can’t love someone else properly if you don’t love yourself first.

I don’t proclaim my love to be selfless like most other people, and I would gladly tell the world that my love is selfish. I love you, I do.. because you make me happy. But if somehow you don’t make me happy anymore, one day, I’ll stop loving you.

Give yourself that right to choose your path of happiness.

It is possible to fall in and out of love with the same person. Because that person is always changing. The only constant is change..

At times, change is what we really need in life. Definitely not replicas of our-ex boyfriends. Stop the self-pitying. The only way to truly get over somebody is to believe you can find someone BETTER than them, not someone just like them. If not, you’ll live eternity in regret. So if you think you’ve got something really special going for you…. don’t give it up.

This blog post is a public reminder to myself and everyone out there who needs it – that nobody is safe from heartbreak. Just love every partner you have like you’ve never loved no one else before, it’s the only way to part without regrets.

As Adele sings,

“Sometimes it lasts in love.. but sometimes it hurts instead.”

xoxo,
Jess

Fat-Free Yoghurt and why I can never be a froyo waitress at Frolick.

Something that enraged me this afternoon: (this part is going to be quite lengthy and draggy and ranty… so if you lazy and wanna skip to entertaining but just scroll down till you read the part about Frolick)

I had a heated email discussion with a previous cake customer who wasn’t happy with me or my services. She buay song because she was not very clear with the design she wanted, in the end the cake design wasn’t to her fancy.. and also because we were about an hour late in delivering the cake (this is our fault, fair and square. we had too many orders and her order took longer than expected. we simply couldn’t finish in time. as i say all the time, things go wrong with cakes. we can do it in advance and prevent the mad rush on the day itself however we prefer delivering fresh, made-on-the-spot cakes)

Anyway, a few days after receiving the cake, she sent me a hostile email blaming me for the undesired cake design. I told her, it’s her job to make sure she relays accurate information to me. I can only follow her instructions, I cannot read her mind.

She ordered a ROUND cake but linked me a picture of a SQUARE cake. Using common sense thinking she had some too, I assumed she wanted a similar design but in round shape instead because she specifically and consciously chose a round cake. You don’t go to a cake shop and ask, “Hello, I want to buy a round cake, but square. Have not?”.. Doesn’t make right? So I created a similar design to the cake but in round shape.

Dunno whether she’s fickle minded or whether she doesn’t know the difference between square and round. But I kena scolding from her, she said I “failed to deliver the design” and she also, “if you were going to change the design you should have informed me.”

Derp derp.

That aside, she was also angry at us for being late on the day itself. This I can fully understand and admit it’s our fault. It’s my choice and consequence for choosing to do the cake designs on the day itself, many cake shops have policies of completing projects at least a few days in advance to ensure nothing goes wrong at the last minute, however there is simply no space for me to store so many cakes, thus they have to go on the day itself.

She claimed my customer service sucks because I take 2 days to reply her on average and because I did not apologize for being late that day.

I told her, yes, it’s true, we are apologize for not apologizing on the day of delivery as it was a mad rush and we regrettably forgot about basic courtesy. I also told her that if it means anything, I am now apologizing for being late.

BUT we cannot be blamed for taking 2 days to reply her email, or worse, her own mix up when it came to choosing a square or round design!!!! I don’t understand why people get so pissed off when I take longer than 24 hours to reply your email. I work as fast as I can, for goodness sake! I don’t owe YOU in particular anything. Just because you need a cake doesn’t mean I die die have to accept your order? What if I’m sick or too busy? If I don’t feel like it, I can not accept anybody’s order request just coz I don’t like their face if I wanted to. That’s the plus point of being your own boss. You work according to your own schedule. Since when did I have a roster saying I must work 9 to 5 and reply all emails within 24 hours???

You know why other bakeries can reply you so fast? They have bakers, delivery personnel, shopfront assistant / marketing manager, cake decorators, all sorts of staff… If I had so many people working under me, obviously things would be more efficient around here.

But no. There’s 1 of me, and MORE THAN 100 PEOPLE WAITING FOR THEIR REPLY, everyday. Besides baking, replying emails, I also need time to eat, play, sleep, shit, blog, and do other things right? Where got time to provide you instant response? She said, “I’m a customer too, why should I be treated any differently or wait for 2 days just for your reply?”

MY ANSWER: Because the 100+ other unreplied emails in my inbox are customers too? Don’t you get it? If I reply your email on Monday, you take 1 day to reply me on Tuesday, I might only get to read your new email on Thursday because I have to go through 100+ other emails before getting around to yours! I work via chronological order. You want a cake, so do these other people. I have to play fair by replying everyone equally. Not like you are willing to pay more means I give you special treatment?

Nobody is pointing a gun to your head and begging you to buy from ME. There are so many bakeries out there, honestly, if you send in an order and don’t receive a reply within your expected time frame, wouldn’t a normal smart person just approach another bakery as a back up plan or something? All I can say is, I do as much as I can. If that’s not good enough for you, then I cannot help it, you are welcome to approach more established bakeries. As long as you haven’t paid up, I do not owe you anything, neither am I committed to you.

I am committed to my cake buyers and lovers on the whole, not to anyone PERSONALLY.

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FROLICK PART:

ANYWAY, that helped me let off some steam, here’s the real issue.

Even after attempting to clear things up with this unhappy cake customer, she still buay song la. She rambled on and on in an unpleasant tone, about how displeased she is, and I was planning to brush it all off as I’ve already said my piece, all until she said THIS:

Oh, for flying fuck’s sake.

I am “MERELY JUST A YOUNG KID”??? Y u want to get so personal? I know you not happy with me, and I wasn’t very polite with you from the beginning, but instead of letting it slide you wanna start on how I’m just a young kid and make me so annoyed.

Yes, I am younger than you, I am in fact 19 only.. but I already have a relatively successful business drawing a very decent salary per month (hey what do you know? it wasn’t because of her invaluable advice and business lecturing) I don’t wanna sound like a show off so I’m not disclosing how much that figure is on my blog. The amount is irrelevant. My point is, what the fuck is everyone else doing at 19? Why wanna say like I’m some big failure? That’s hugely insulting because I’m actually very proud of who I am and the things I do. What were YOU doing at 19, if you are older than me? Unless you were running for the bloody olympics or doing something huge, don’t lecture me about being a small kid or success. You are just a big talker working as a waitress in Frolick. -_-

(I know this because I saw her facebook)

Me, being me (you know me, sigh, it would kill me to back down from an argument I’m damn stubborn I know), couldn’t help but reply her a sort-of-polite-yet-sort-of-taunting-reply (I know I should’ve just let her be, but lmao, I cannot maintain when ppl wanna argue with me. I’m all like,”U WANNA DANCE, BITCH? #trollface”

So this is what I said.

Not the best idea, that I’m aware of… but it’s already been said and done, and this was what I said.

Watch out for Huizhen’s next reply, it’s CLASSIC.

She said WHAAAAT? Did she just say what I think she said? Girllll you did NOT just drag your company’s name into this! I only mentioned Frolick casually, but now you wanna say something IN FROLICK’S NAME? You sure not?

Oh noes…. Kk, let’s read that again to be sure!

DISCLAIMER: All statements and assumptions and theories of Frolick denying undesirably physically built people work opportunities are based on the statement made by Huizhen Lee. I take no part in verifying it’s authenticity or confirming it’s validity, I am simply relaying the information in a dramatic, entertaining way. ^^

HOMAIGAWD. *kowtows*

I’M SO SORRY.

I am so fucking sorry that I have cellulite and flabby thighs and a jiggly stomach and an unhot body that is unfit for work in FROLICK. Because it has always been my life’s ambition to work at FREAKIN’ FROLICK, serving froyo. How did you discover my wildest dream?

Some people might point out that she didn’t spell out the word “F-A-T” directly. But that doesn’t make her statement any less obvious or demeaning. So let’s not pretend to be stupid. You know what she’s trying to say, and I know it too.

Oh ya, the girl in the pic above… that’s her, by the way. Her name is Huizhen Lee and she is the star of today’s blog post. Yes I am posting her picture because, well, I thought everyone should know the criteria to apply for work at Frolick. Must be gawgus like her. When you insult me like that, I don’t even give a shit whether you used to be my cake customer. You just turned from Cake Customer to Bitch Who Wants To Dance.

Guys, guys.. (or girls, rather) listen up!!

If you are FAT, CHUBBY, UGLY, HOMO OR STUPID OR DEFORMED ETC ETC… You probably can forget about joining Frolick already. I am informed that you have to be as divinely CHIO and THIN as this girl *points above* to work there, like it’s some sort of exclusive chiobu sanctuary where they bask in each others chioness while serving yoghurt. I dunno how it works dude, but this is the general idea I’m getting from this chick.

I was all like…. Woah, steady, girl. Do you know what bringing Frolick’s reputation into this means not?

It means,

THIS IS THE PICTURE YOU ARE PAINTING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC WHO JUST READ YOUR STATEMENT:

Mmmmhm.

Oh… snap.

FROLICK, Y LIKE THIS??? Y u no love your customers and workers, flabs and all?

Just serving yoghurt only what. What makes you guys so special that us non-thin people cannot be a part of? What’s the big secret / deal?

I used to buy Froyo from you you know. I dunno if this info from Huizhen is true, but if it is, then I am honestly disappointed. If I am fat, so not good enough to buy froyo you too isit? What the fuck is this – elitist froyo?! Froyo socialiate high fashion model store?! Even if it’s not true, why would your staff member slander your name liddis?

Congratulations, worker’s rights have just taken 100 steps backwards because apparently if you’re fat you’re not good enough to work at a yoghurt store. You know how many FAT and SKINNY and NORMAL SIZED people you are potentially offending and scaring off your store? Just by letting her get away with this statement is unsaid consent by itself.

What sort of message is your staff member sending across to girls and boys alike out there who are dealing with self-image and weight problems? Or for people desperately seeking a job, only to told they’re 1 kg too heavy and it simply won’t do. The kind of “FAT” I’m talking about is chubby people like me of course. Obviously I’m not thin, but I’m nowhere near obese so why should I be less competent of a worker than a thinner girl? If I’m not any less competent a worker, does it boil down to LOOKS then? Are LOOKS really so important?!

I mean seriously, what a disgrace this is to Frolick, big name company reputation being tarnished by small fry ah lian.

Hmmm “unforgettable experience”… I wonder what she means. You wanna add special ingredients to my froyo, or you wanna show me how good YOUR service is? By the way you reply your email and talk about your own company, don’t think you’ll be any better at it than I am.

It’s tragic that I was not born into a LOADED family like yours. Wowowow your 21st birthday celebration was held in an MBS suite, BFD! Sweetie, I bo dai bo ji also get to go stay in their suites for free, just to shake legs and soak in the bath tub. 21 years old and you’re still leeching off your family? Urgh. What for work at Frolick when you don’t even use that money to pay for your own shit? Btw, I have the answer to your last queston in the above paragraph. #justsayin’

But I’m not like you, base all insults on looks only. So this is the last time I will mention your looks, or the lack thereof. Because I for one know there’s actually more to a person than that. However, guess I’ll never understand what the environment at Frolick is, because, like you said I’m not THIN or CHIO or good enough to work there.

KEEP THIS IN MIND PEOPLE.

IF YOU’RE FAT, Huizhen says... You’re not GOOD ENOUGH for Frolick.

U can haz your grapes bub, but no Frolick’s awsumsauce TooThin4U yoghurt.

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Poll time! Do you guys think Frolick will do anything about this?

I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FROLICK ITSELF BY THE WAY.

But Huizhen is a member of Frolick and therefore in a way, representing Frolick itself, so yeah.. this is rather personal to me.

Me? I am just someone who used to buy Froyo from them that probably won’t anymore, because I feel unwelcomed. And of course, offended. This is coming from someone who has worked at Frolick for awhile now, shouldn’t there be some sort of credibility to her words?

I have no confirmation from Frolick yet whether this is all true, thus giving me freedom of speech at the moment. It’s anyone’s guess or say. You are as welcome to share your opinions on this matter as I am entitled to my Delete Comment button, just so you know.

Will Frolick just keep quiet and pretend nothing happened and hope this would go away unresolved? Well I’m not so sure myself, I am not confirm that all of this is true, so I decided to ask Frolick myself.

Since this screenshot is broken up into several segments, I thought I’d just copy and paste what I wrote to them here.

“Dear Frolick, earlier this afternoon, I was rudely informed by one of your staff members that Frolick does not hire FAT people?!? This is a shocking revelation to me and my friends, and everyone I have relayed this information to. They have always had a relatively positive impression of Frolick and it’s staff members until now. Since said person I got this information from has been with Frolick for awhile now and is a representative of your company, she probably has insider info?

It all started when I casually told her, hopefully next time I get the chance to work at Frolick. But she shocked me by revealing that Frolick does not hire FAT people. “Just a heads up”, she said. I have tweeted about this on Twitter and another of your staff member confirmed this information with me. She continued on to say, “opportunity to join Frolick? let’s just say cut down on your calories first.”

I am now wondering out loud, is this really true? What is the reasoning behind the unfair bias towards people who are overweight or chubby? Fat people are people with abilities and emotions too, right? Being fat doesn’t mean a person cannot become a valuable worker to a company. Fat people should have equal rights when it comes to working. If everyone has this sort of mentality, then unattractive or overweight people are doomed to be jobless. In this case I had better inform everyone that if they’re chubby and looking for a job, Frolick is not for them.

I am very disappointed to hear about this as I am dealing with weight problems too like many other people and feel self conscious about it, but never in my life did I expect that I can not even work at a Froyo store I enjoy patronizing because of my looks or physical condition. This hurts my feelings and I’m sure many overweight or chubby people out there (and even skinny people who are reading this) will be outraged by this statement made by a Frolick member herself. It’s not like I’m fat until I’m disabled or obese or any less competent a worker / customer. The world is already superficial enough. What about ugly people too?! It’s highly correlated and I hope Frolick does not deny people opportunities just based on looks. If fat people are not allowed to work at Frolick, surely we can at least buy from you??? Or still not good enough for you?

My underlying question is, are your workers carelessly slandering the company’s name, or is there a good reason for this sort of treatment? I’m not ready to accept just one person’s statement yet as I am halfway convinced, however I am keen on expressing my desperate concern. Should it be true, this whole situation and discrimination against chubby people such as myself is ABSURD. If this is not accurate information, perhaps you’d like to ask why this staff member would even say such a thing. I still have the recorded evidence of this conversation between me and your staff if need be. My friends and I will be waiting for your answer.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.”

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Now awaiting their response.

Will let you guys know when I’ve received one. In the mean time, imma go watch a movie and snack on froyo from another yoghurt store and get even fatter while bawling my eyes out. I cannot even work at Frolick, what’s the point of trying to diet? /sadface

P.S – If you think I’m overreacting, damn right I am. I am pissed off, so don’t expect me to be a little ray of sunshine. I’m not even pissed at her for being rude to me in the other emails. I’m a rude bitch myself, I know and admit it. What’s truly unnerving about this is the fact that she has the nerve to claim fat people don’t get to work at the elite froyo store SHE works at. Coz she + Frolick is so damn good eh? SMH.

If people told you such an absurd thing wouldn’t you be stunned too? I know I’m not thin, or have a good figure, but telling me that I’m not good enough for your froyo store is stupid. I’m not fuckin’ perfect, sorry. But I think I’m much better off without this “opportunity”, thanks.

And, of course, I speak on behalf of all chubby people out there. ♥ It’s ok, if next time when I have my own cupcake store, I will employ anyone who’s a good worker.

THIN, FAT, UGLY, SHORT, TALL… Everyone should be treated the same. At least by froyo stores. *rolls eyes*

xoxo,
Jess

Happiness is a decision

While typing my previous post, a burning question popped into my head:

What is happiness?

Because I realized in my second sentence of my previous entry, I said

“One day I’d be bouncing about in happiness, the next there will be moments of hysterical sobbing.”

The fleeting moments of happiness – is that REALLY considered happiness, or just an over-exaggerated word people throw around lightly in hope to convince themselves their life doesn’t suck that much after all?

I mean, if you’re laughing one moment, then sobbing the next, then cycle repeats – that can’t mean you’re truly happy, surely? Shouldn’t happiness be a safe, fairly constant feeling, and not unexpected whirlwinds?

While pondering over all this, I came to a conclusion.

That after so many years of wondering what happiness really is -

“Is it love? Is it the feeling I get when I’m starved and finally chomp down food? Is it achieving goals and fulfilling your dreams?”

I’ve decided that…

Happiness is a decision.

A decision to overlook all the shitty parts about your life, and to focus only on the good. Whatever that isn’t good, YOU CAN make better, if only you choose to.

It’s the decision to continue smiling once you’ve wiped those tears away, even when there seems to be nothing to smile for at the moment, it’s the faith that new beginnings will come your way.

It’s the ability to walk away from a treasured relationship completely broken-hearted, yet finding the grace in yourself to forgive those who’ve sinned against you and to open your heart to someone else again, in the future.

It’s the yearning to always improve the quality of life, and striving to be the best possible version of yourself you know you can be.

It’s the freedom of doing the things you enjoy, even if the returns do not pay your bills. Afterall, money has no true value unless you do something with it. Money can buy you a fancy car, a big house, and a private island but it cannot directly buy you pride and self-fulfillment.

It’s the expression of who you are inside, and ONLY what you really are, not the person you wish you were, or the person the people around you hope that you’d be.

It’s the peace of mind a person has when they tuck into their favourite food without having to worry excessively about calories and a diet.

It’s seeing the good in others, and yourself.

It’s being unafraid to feel different emotions and trying new things, even if it threatens to disappoint. Happiness is not about routine overwhelmingly positive emotions and safe decisions, it’s about taking risks and watching them pay off, and if they don’t, you can at least say you’ve tried your darnest instead of sitting at home all your life wondering what could’ve happened if you had done something different.

Regretting someone you’ve done is awful, but regretting something you wish you had done is worse.

It’s knowing that life isn’t always fair, but you do the best you can. And even if your best is not enough for other people, it should be enough for yourself. Nothing is ever perfect.

Which brings me to my final point – that happiness is not perfect.

It’s usually attached with sacrifice, tears, time and commitment.

Being happy doesn’t necessarily mean everything is going perfect, it just means you refuse to wallow in self-pity and slime and watch life pass you by.

Some people have it all on the outside, but have nothing but empiness on the inside. I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

So yes, I guess you can say, I’m emotional as heck, and life is no field of rainbows, but I’m still happy.

Because I choose to be.

xoxo,
Jess
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