All the things I miss about being in love

I miss being in love with someone who loves me back.

I miss waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares and having someone right there to hold me until I fall back soundly asleep again.
I miss knowing that I, too, mean everything to the person who means the world to me.
I miss long talks at night planning our future together and being genuinely excited thinking about it.
I miss having someone to cuddle every night.
I miss knowing my name is safe with that person because they loved me for who I was.

I miss having someone look deeply into my eyes every time I talked to them because they cared about everything I said.
I miss someone wiping away my tears when I cry.
I miss not ever having to feel completely alone.
I miss trusting a person wholeheartedly and knowing they’ll never let you down.
I miss believing everything he will tell you without a doubt in my mind.
I miss being with someone who tells me with a convinced look on his face, “You’re the girl I’m going to marry.”

I miss watching movies with someone till we fell asleep late in the night, and feeling like I could spend the rest of my life doing exactly that.
I miss waking up to your significant other in the morning and laughing at their puddle of drool on their pillow.
I miss having a warm pair of hands to hold in the theatre because mine always gets cold.
I miss forehead kisses every single night.
I miss how I knew I always had someone to talk to no matter how insignificant a topic I have in mind.

I miss having someone to share my life with, every little happening and important event.
I miss believing I was worth loving.
I miss loving someone so much, I would gladly exchange my life for theirs.
I miss knowing I’m the reason for someone’s happiness.
I miss someone asking me what I wanted for dinner, and then lets me steal his food when his meal is nicer than mine.
I miss cooking someone’s favorite dishes and seeing him eat them greedily in appreciation.

I miss falling asleep on someone’s shoulder during long car rides.
I miss knowing no matter how great a shit storm life throws at me, I have someone who will be right next to me going through it together.
I miss grocery shopping with someone who was happy to cook with me.
I miss having someone’s undivided attention and being his top priority at all times.
I miss trying to impress someone’s parents, hoping they will like me because I want to be part of his family some day.

I miss putting extra effort to look pretty when going on dates and hoping he would notice it.
I miss going on holiday with someone who makes every great adventure in life even better simply by being part of it.
I miss having someone to love me even when I can’t love myself.
I miss being with someone who is reason why you remember that there is always a reason to smile every day no matter how shitty you’re feeling.

I miss wanting to become a better person so that he can be proud of me.
I miss waking up all excited everyday because it’s another day to be spent with him.
I miss being in a relationship that felt right.
I miss hearing someone special say “hello” to you, and it would sound like the best thing you’ve ever heard.
I miss feeling like everything I ever needed in life was standing right in front of me.

I don’t know if I will find love like that again.
And that thought scares me. Knowing I had something so special, then watching it slip through my very fingers over the years and not knowing exactly how to stop it from going.
Going, going.. Now it’s gone.
Until the day I find someone who’s willing to pick up the pieces with me and go through everything all over again, I guess I’m going to have to learn how to be alone without feeling completely lonely and miserable.

I guess I don’t mind the being alone part so much. What really gets to me are all these voices inside my head telling me,

“You’re never going to find somebody who will love you like that again.”

…And I almost believe them.
Almost.

But I still hope I’ll find someone to have and to hold in my life again some day. I know finding that person will be worth all the prior heartbreak. And it will be worth the wait.

  • Vanessa

    Hi Jess, I felt such a familiar heartbreak reading this post. Please stay strong, remember all the blessings you do have in your life (a fortunately young lady who’s attractive, smart, successful, with a good support network of doting family and friends, living in a safe place like Singapore – so much to be thankful for!), and trust that things will be ok again! It took me TWO years to get over my ex boyfriend, but eventually I met my current partner who’s given more love than I could ever dream of! At the time, I thought I would never find someone else/ fall in love again. Proper healing takes a lot of time, but you’ll find love again when you least expect it! Ps, I ordered a birthday cake from you for my partner’s birthday 2 years ago, and we often look at your instagram food/ bake photos together! So much talent!!