Slim Couture Post 4: 10 reasons why I don’t want to be fat anymore or EVER AGAIN

Over the past few years, I’ve gained and lost more than 20kg. Yeah…. that is A LOT of weight.

At my heaviest I was something like 82kg.. and now I’m a few kg below 60kg. My ideal weight according to Slim Couture is 52kg, and even though I don’t dare to say this to their face (in case they laugh at me / in case it doesn’t happen), really, in my heart I’m hoping for 50kg. My height is 168cm. I know of girls around my height who are 45kg-50kg and they look amazing. If I’m going to set a target for myself, might as well put it at the level of “amazing”, right? My next goal is to be as slim as possible, not just to be of a “healthy weight” anymore, because I’ve already achieved that. Now, it’s moving on the next mile stone and honestly, it’s about ideals – not just the basics. I know I already have a lot of blog posts documenting my weight loss… but in this post, I want to dig a little deeper and share with you my innermost thoughts, and some secrets.

Being obese made me extremely upset.

I felt horrible about myself all the time, and I always came up with sad excuses to make up for what I lacked (confidence, a realistic perception of my own body and the determination to do something about it). Friends who hadn’t seen me in a long time always had to mask their surprise / shock / horror when they saw how much weight I’d gained. Even my own mother offered me MONEY if I “could lose at least 5kg”. I can’t remember the exact amount, but I think it was $3000 in cash. She was THAT desperate to see her daughter healthy, beautiful and happy again. Most days, I felt dejected, victimized, and most of all… unaccepted. In my head, a little voice always goes, “Why can’t these people love me for who I am? Why can’t they just be happy for me and accept that I like food, and that I’m okay with being fat?”

I got so so so angry at anyone who called me fat. I KNEW it was the truth, but I hated how everyone used “fat” as a weapon against me. At the end of the day, nobody likes their flaws being pointed out and thrown around for the fun of public humiliation, even if it is the truth. No slut likes to be called a slut even if they are one deemed by society’s standards, no short person wants to be called a midget, no ugly person wants to be labelled as unattractive and the more you call someone out for being less than perfect, the more likely they will recline further into their shell and block themselves out from the world.

I wish I had someone else to blame for my weight gain. I was so selfish that I almost wished I could scream and yell at my boyfriend for taking me to buffets at least once a week. We would (I shit you not) go for a Japanese buffet, then an ice cream dessert cafe straight after that. We were pretty much stuffed silly every single day. I bet Sam never knew I’d get so fat. He probably just wanted to make his girlfriend happy, and since food made her happy, he bought her food. The scariest part about weight gain is how quickly it all happened to me. Fair enough, I was extremely oblivious in my relationship and thought that because I had already found a man who would “love me no matter what”, I could let myself go and it would be okay because someone in this world promised to love me unconditionally… but I never knew I’d fallen so deep, and so far, that I lost not just my self-confidence, but myself entirely. Well yeah, I’m not blind and I always knew I was getting bigger in size with every passing day, but obesity hit me real good. It kicked me so hard in the face, that I was knocked out and in denial for the longest time. I thought that I was “curvy” and “real-sized”, but I didn’t realize I was actually disgustingly unhealthy and the worst part of being super overweight is looking in the mirror, and seeing your reflection scream back at you: “YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF. This is all because of your laziness, greediness, and your unwillingness to do anything to change this situation.”

Some people don’t gain weight as easily as others. Some people pile on weight like it’s their job to do so. You could put on 5-8kg in just a month if you have horrible eating habits (which I did), and unless you’ve ever worked off more than 5-8kg of fats before… you have NO IDEA how fucking difficult it is. Let me tell you something. As someone who has yoyo-ed 20kg the past few years, I can say that weight is not difficult to lose. 1 or 2kg? No problem. I can lose that in less than a week. The real difficult part is STAYING MOTIVATED AND DETERMINED, and keeping up the weight loss progress. And losing anything more than 5kg, yeah, that’s tough. Fat people are fat for a reason. They love food / they are super lazy / they eat all sorts of bad food / whatever reason. Even if they know that they’ve gained weight and want to do something about it, the core reason for their weight gain in the first place STILL exists. Old habits die hard. I know for the love of god that I still love food to this day, as much as I did when I was 82kg. I could still eat 6 meals a day if I didn’t know any better. I still would be more than happy to have carbs for every meal and a soft drink + dessert to accompany it… don’t forget to order my starter along with the main course, too. My favorite meal is supper. What can I say? I’m a greedy girl. There’s no other way to put it.

But through all the emotional trauma, life changes and self-denial, somewhere along the line, I decided that “enough was enough” and I’ve just about HAD IT with being a fat girl. No more feeling like I’m worth less just because I’ve got flabs hanging out everywhere. No more crying myself to sleep because of something someone had said, or because I hated myself for what I was doing to me. No more wondering how it’d feel like to be comfortable in my own skin again. No more dying while climbing a flight of stairs. I HATED BEING FAT, AND GOD, I NEVER EVER EVER EVER WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN.

I came up with 10 very simple reasons why I never want to be fat again / why I hated being fat, and searched through my old pictures to bring you the very best of my worst pics for added entertainment value. I’m surprised by my own brazen (or you can say shameless) behavior, publishing photos that equal to social suicide but whatever, man. That person isn’t me anymore, and if photos of myself in the past can teach a lesson or provide some laughs to people, why not? This post revolves entirely around my personal opinions on obesity because I hope it’ll reach out to whoever needs this little push along their way. Everyone already knows the basic reasons why you should lose weight: for health, for self-confidence, blah blah blah. You already know that. I don’t have to tell you. My reasons in this post vary from personal, to superficial and plain legit. If you don’t agree with any of these reasons, let me tell you first that I don’t care. We all have the right to feel what we want about ourselves, but having come so far on my own weight loss journey, I thought it would be a real shame if I didn’t share these sentiments with girls (and guys) who might find them helpful. Even though I have not reached my goal weight yet and I’m still chubby in my opinion.. I’ll get there soon enough. Here’s my own motivation for doing so.

 

10 REASONS WHY I DON’T WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE (OR EVER AGAIN!):

1) I want to wear cute clothes in normal sizes. I want to wear high heels without being paranoid of them buckling under my immense weight.

You see this photo above? I wore my pajamas shorts out to the beach (during winter) over my leggings. Because I couldn’t find any other shorts that could fit me. My bottom was a size 16. Everything else either didn’t fit, or felt terribly uncomfortable. So I wore my pajamas out. ….Sad? I THINK SO.

I want to be able to walk into any store, and instantly be able to pick out the style or piece that I like, without worrying “do they have XL for this?”. I want to be able to shop freely without shop assistants eyeing me suspiciously because they think I’ll tear their clothes when I try them on. I don’t want the shop assistant to instantly pick out “plus size styles” for me the moment I walk into the store telling me “this is what we have in your size”, giving me special help as if I’m some disabled person who’s not able to choose her own clothes. I want to be able to wear skinny jeans, tight bodycon dresses, crop tops and short shorts. Most clothes were made and designed for skinny people. It’s really difficult to find nice clothes that fit a UK 16 girl well. I’ve been down that road, and shopping trips actually end up being frustrating and demoralizing as opposed to a fun time a normal girl would have. Every mirror you look into wants to fight a war with you. Somehow, everything looks like shit on you. NOTHING FITS.

 

2) When you get fat, your boobs get enormous. Guess what? Enormous boobs are HEAVY.

They gave me severe backache. Even my feet would hurt from lifting so much weight on a daily basis. I couldn’t sleep properly at night because of how much my back ached every day. Don’t know how large my boobs were at my fattest, maybe a very large C or borderline D, but boy.. imagine carrying around watermelons on your chest. That’s what it felt like. They were so big, they literally hurt. Jogging or running was a nightmare because those things wouldn’t stop jiggling and bouncing everywhere. Every bra felt like it didn’t give enough support, and for some reason, bras were extremely uncomfortable to wear. I hated wearing bras back then.

Also, overly large boobs are obscene.. Overly-large-anything is obscene, and breasts are no different. Even when I wore an innocent tank top, I looked like I was trying too hard to be sexy or that I’m trying to flash my cleavage 24/7. Holy shit, look at my boobs in the pic above. Hahahah hilarious. My boobs aren’t even 1/4 that size now I think. I’m very happy about my current modest B cup, by the way. My chest and back thanks me for not heaving around watermelons all day, too.

 

3) I wanna take photos beside my gorgeous, slimmer girlfriends and not feel terribly inferior and horrible about myself.

I don’t want to “hide behind people” in group shots in order for me to appear smaller, and them, larger. I don’t want to only take pictures in a specific angle because that’s the only one I look semi-decent in.

Above: no photoshop.
Below: also no photoshop.

This changing-room-selfie was taken just this week. Not having to photoshop so much saves me plenty of time when I’m posting stuff online, and I am also no longer afraid of my own reflection.

 

4) I wanna feel sexy, happy and comfortable in my own skin – even when I’m naked. That beast above? NOT sexy.

It’s not a nice feeling when your thighs rub together when you walk, or when your armpits get smelly because the fats are blocking ventilation, or when your arse crack never gets to see the light of day because it’s squashed together from the mass that is itself. I guess when I was obese, I could pretend I wasn’t so by covering myself up with long flowy clothes… but you can’t hide from the naked truth. Staring at my own naked body was gut-wrenching.

It’s easy to pretend or forget that you’re actually super overweight when you get used to your own reflection and hide behind loose or “flattering” clothing. Or just tell yourself that you’re curvy, and that you look fine because you can “fill our your clothes”. Well I realized that once I stripped off my clothes and stared back at my own naked reflection, there’s A LOT of flaws that were staring right back at me. All that cellulite that I usually cover up with a long dress…. stretch marks…. lumps and bumps. Even if you hide them with clothing, they don’t go away – they still exist on you. Are you really happy in your own skin? Or are you only happy when you’re covered up as much as possible?

 

5) Even if you’re born with good features or a pretty face, getting fat can fuck that all up.

I’m not going to waste my time trying to think of how to phrase this in a less obnoxious way: I think I was born with pretty good looks. At least, I do not think I am ugly, but that’s not to say I think I’m a 10. I would give myself a 7/10. That’s a healthy dosage of self confidence, right? I’d be worried about anyone who gives themselves a 6 or lower. I’m happy with my facial features. But man, when I started piling on the kilograms… a lot of the original “me” got lost along the way.

I used to think that even though I was getting fatter, “at least my face still looks good”. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. Your body and your face are not two separate entities. They go hand in hand. If your body is weak, healthy, malnourished or obese, IT SHOWS on your face. Why do you think drug addicts’ faces look like hell? Because their body went through hell.

This is a recent selfie of me, which you can compare to the above:

Yeah, so my eyebrows are completely different and the new make up / angle helps a bit, but the main point is my face and features seemed to have changed completely. My face no longer seems as “stretched” or as wide. Oh my god, suddenly I have a nose bridge again! And no, I’ve never done fillers or anything. Also, not sure why, but my skin wasn’t as good when I was obese. Think it was all the unhealthy, artery (and pore?) clogging food I was stuffing my face with.

So yes, if you’re quite overweight, losing weight WILL make your face look better.

 

 

6) I don’t want people to look at me and think, “what the fuck is that fat person doing?”

Because we’re all judgemental people. If it was a normal girl riding that pony, it would be fine. But because I am SO FAT in this picture, I automatically look ridiculous, and even though the pony ain’t a living pony, suddenly we’re concerned for the pony’s health. Hey, machine pony, you ok? You sure you’re not breaking under that pressure? Well, okay, if you say so…

When I was obese, I couldn’t eat in complete peace because I always felt like people were judging me when I ordered or ate my food. They’re probably thinking in their heads, “Are you sure you want a whole pizza AND a pasta by yourself?”. Honestly, can you blame them? If you see a drug addict sniffing more drugs, wouldn’t you feel bad for them and perhaps even give a disapproving look or reach out a concerned hand? Or if an alcoholic starts downing shots like there’s no tomorrow.. surely there’s a cause for concern around here?

Yeah, people should mind their own business. If they know what’s good for them, they won’t say much in fear of offending you. But you can betcha ass they’re definitely thinking, “perhaps you should probably order a salad instead.” when you’re dining with them. Hell, they may even get uncomfortable around you because you eat so much. You may even look on in disgust as someone orders two desserts when the only thing they should be ordering is a personal trainer. I know I’ve done it to overweight people before (judge them), AND I’ve also been the one to gross people out by my habits (being judged).

 

7) For years, I dreamt of wearing a bikini out with confidence some day.

Swimwear is every fat person’s worst nightmare. Because on the beach, it makes no sense to cover up yourself completely… we have no choice but to bear our skin. Unless you wear a wetsuit, like I did, of course. Wearing that wetsuit and looking that thick… sheesh, I was lucky no great white shark came along and mistook me for a seal or a baby pilot whale.

I’m so happy to announce that in my recent trip to Bali, I actually wore a bikini set and went snorkeling in it!!!! YES I was embarrassed, yes I still had flabs jiggling in the wind as the speed boat whizzed through the ocean, but boy, was it liberating to jump into the ocean in nothing but my bikini. It felt AMAZING. I felt so free. Didn’t matter in that moment that I don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret angel, it mattered that I was proud enough of my own body to have a nice day out at sea without fretting over how fat and awful I may look.

 

8) I wanted the people who loved me to not be embarrassed of my physique. I wanted them to be proud of who I was.

I don’t know how my boyfriend still loved me even though I looked like that…. he even tried to cover my tummy for me. Aw.

Life is TOO SHORT to live a good part of it hating your own body. Stop that shit right now. Even though your partner may love you truly for who you are, nobody in their right mind wouldn’t prefer a fit partner. Fit partners live better and longer. When you’re really fat, it does not ONLY affect you. It definitely affects the people around you. It affects their thoughts of you and how they behave around you. It may not necessarily make your friends or loved ones think of you any worse, but being fat has ONLY ever brought about inconvenience – never convenience. Unless it’s keeping warm, then your skinny friends can snuggle up to you, I guess. I know a lot of my friends and family were getting extremely concerned about my well-being – “What’s wrong with Jessica? Why is she letting herself get so fat? Does she have an eating disorder? Is she depressed? What’s wrong?!” Because, let’s face it – being really fat is NOT normal. It’s unhealthy, both physically and mentally. If I had continued being greedy and lazy and getting fatter, I would not only be doing myself a disfavor, but I would be letting down the people who care about me as well. They, and I, deserve better than that.

 

 

9) I’m sick and tired of having to suck in my fat gut ALL THE TIME!

If you always eat huge amounts of food, eventually the fat will start depositing in areas like your thighs, arms, face, etc… But most immediately, it goes to your stomach. Look how huge and bulbous my tummy used to be!!! I had no waistline whatsoever. People probably couldn’t decide if I was just really overweight, or 4 months pregnant. Oh, I was pregnant alright, with a food baby that I carried around for YEARS! If I didn’t suck in my stomach it would hang loose and bulge incessantly. Yuck. With a lot of dieting and hard work, I finally have a nice waist line now!!! Never going to give it up. EVER.

 

 

10) Last, but definitely not least…. I don’t want to let myself give people reasons to insult me, or make me feel like I’m worth any less a person, just because I’m fat. Enough of the fat jokes, fat insults, fat comments.

Thank god I’m not fat anymore, because every Chinese New Year, my loud relatives no longer exclaim with widened eyes, “WAH!!! JESSIE!! SOOOO00O0O0OO0 FAT AH!!!!!!!!!!!! *pinch cheeks*”

….There is truly nothing more embarrassing than taunting relatives during Chinese New Year. Every flaw you ever had, they won’t hesitate to put it out in the open for discussion material. Nearing 30 but not married? Get hounded. Failing at school? Get hounded. Getting fatter and fatter? Get hounded. In front of all your cousins and other relatives…. where to hide your face?

The harsh truth and reality of the world is, if you’re fat, you WILL be judged, and you will be teased. But you can put an end to all of it.

…So there, are my 10 personal reasons as to why I don’t want to EVER be fat again. If you can’t relate to any of my points, congratulations, you’ve never been fat. Lucky you. If you CAN relate to what I’ve said, I beg you, do yourself a favor and start shedding those pounds. I’ve been where you are now, and it’s possible to emerge from that pile of confidence-sucking crap.

“Man, I regret losing all that weight, being healthier, looking better and feeling greater!” - SAID NO ONE EVER. I wanna thank Slim Couture for inspiring me to write this blog post. They did not ask me to write this post, by the way, it’s completely by my own accord and 100% my idea. If you’re new around here, Slim Couture is a TCM-method and Singapore based company, passionate in helping women achieve their target weight and physique. I’ve been visiting Slim Couture on and off since a couple of months ago, and they’ve aided me greatly in achieving my weight loss. I have so much to thank Slim Couture for! I know I say this every time, but I really do. Without the constant support from the ladies at Slim Couture, I would have definitely not be well on my way to achieving my target weight at this instance. I honestly SUCK at dieting, that’s why my progress is considered very slow compared to their other clients. Thanks to their Divine Slim treatment, I’ve gotten rid of 8kg, and an unbelievable amount of inches off my waist, arms, ass and thighs!

Check out my posts for more Slim Couture information here: Post 1 (beginning of my journey with them), Post 2 (weight loss progress), Post 3 (sam’s progress and our first event). For this post, I didn’t feel the need to hard sell because you all should already know by now how much I believe in Slim Couture’s treatment, and the gist of how their TCM methods work.. What you may not have known, though, is how much happier you’ll be as a fit, healthy or slim person instead of being miserably overweight.

Life-changing in every aspect, and without a doubt the best thing / most difficult I’ve done for myself in recent times. If you need help with getting started on your journey… I know of someone you can call.

SLIM COUTURE

Official website: http://slim-couture.com
Facebook page: http://facebook.com/SlimCouturePteLtd

18 Cross Street, #02-06
China Square Central
Singapore 048423
Tel: (+65) 6536 8586

190 Clemenceau Ave 2,
Singapore Shopping Centre, #05-29
Singapore 239924
Tel: (+65) 6336 8665

  • sushichan

    I commend you for doing all you can to lose weight – no doubt it’s a healthier you as well – but I am just curious about one thing. Remember when you were fighting with Xiaxue about a whole lotta stuff and one thing out of it (if I remember correctly) was that you didn’t like her critcising you about your weight (as I recall she was overdosing on diet pills in her bid to be skinny because she was also of the chubby body type) and I recalled also you then proudly proclaimed yourself to be “fat and proud”. What changed your mind about that mind set?

    • shiberty

      Say, did you read my blog post ^ or what?

  • Kay

    Hi Jess, I’ve been following your blog for years and really, that post is inspirational. I am exactly how you described in the post and recently i’ve started exercising almost daily and eating lesser, but honestly, i am not losing weight.. I have been doing this for a good few months already.. I’m just wondering, for the slim couture regime you went through, did you have to exercise? Or is it just the treatment and some dieting? Would love it if you can address that in another post or maybe in your IG (I’m following you there as well :) )

    • shiberty

      I don’t think it’s just about eating lesser, but eating better, too! If you go low-carb and exercise a decent amount, it would be impossible to not lose weight. Your body is a living thing, with diet and exercise, it will change!

      For Slim Couture, you are not encouraged to exercise much because the treatment and diet is meant to be sufficient. There is a strict diet you need to adhere to (no carbs, no fatty foods, etc) but I didn’t really succeed in doing so lol so my results are slower as compared to what they could’ve been.

  • Alison

    Hi, I’ve never been as big sized as you but I eat a lot too and often feel really fat after that! I’m only 19 but I’m 1.7m and 60kg. My friends and family are often asking me to exercise and even my boyfriend says the way I eat scared him. I tried going to London weight management and only lost 3-4kg within 8 months or so Right now I often feel so guilty for eating that I had to exercise before going for my treatment because I’m scared that they would laugh at me for being so flabby. Is slim coulture really good? I feel like I need to tone more instead of losing fats so I dont know if I should sign up for gym packages(even though I’m bloody lazy) or try slim coulture. I feel like London is just trying to make me sign more packages instead.

    • shiberty

      I find it odd that people keep asking me if Slim Couture is good. Have I not already mentioned many times that Slim Couture has helped me lose 8kg and this is my fourth post about them!! Almost every question that has been asked about Slim Couture can be found in the posts.

      I’m not sure what London’s program is like, but Slim Couture has an extremely high success rate and I believe in them wholeheartedly. :)

      • Alison

        I read that you were with eu yang sang before too. I asked if slim couture was good in a way that which one would you recommend? In the past you mentioned that eu yang sang was good and now you’re saying that slim couture is good

        • shiberty

          Yes, EYS is good. Yes, Slim Couture is also good. They are both good. If you read through my posts, you’ll realize that EYS and SC offer very different techniques. Although both are based on healthy TCM methods, they are not similar at all. I would say EYS is more for “overall wellness” and SC is very fixated on slimming. EYS takes your blood pressure etc, while SC measures you every time.

          If you have no underlying health issues besides being overweight, then SC would be a more focused choice.

          • Alison

            I don’t know if i should go to a slimming centre or go to the gym and try (because i’m lazy as shit) to exercise. I’m actually not overweight but just really flabby. I’m like your body size now but with more fats around my tummy and arms. Everyone says that i should go to the gym because i just need to lose some fats and tone. Does slim couture help to tone? I dont know if i have any underlying health issues too, i went for a free body fat analysis at a gym before and they said my metabolism was like a 40+ year old woman (like walao i was 18 when i took it last year) and that my body fat percentage was around 30%?

          • shiberty

            Body fat percentage ideally should be around 20% for really fit females hahaha mine also in the high 20′s, buay tahan. Anyway SC does help make your silhouette and flabs go away! It’s extremely effective to bring down your measurements, so it sounds like a good choice for you.

  • Fattie

    Im 27 this year and 71.5kg and 1.69cm. I have gained 13.5 kg in 2 years because i love to snack. I see that you are 22, so am I now more “stuck” and settled into the weight than ever? I know you are not a professional but I have zero knowledge about losing my weight apart from not snacking, and of course ideally to exercise and eat better, but do you think it is necessary to go to go to a slimming clinic to get treatment and diet help? Dont wanna spend the money!

    • shiberty

      I think it’s definitely true that the older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because your metabolism slows down, but with the right diet, the kilos will drop off eventually! No, I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to visit a slimming center to lose weight. It’s completely possible to do so yourself, and many have done it without professional help. But if you’re finding it hard to stay motivated, going to a place like Slim Couture will help because they are encouraging, because you won’t want to waste your own money and because you’ll have someone to guide you along.

      It’s a good idea to do your own research about carbohydrates and eating a balanced diet. I’m sure you know that if you cut back on sweet drinks and carby foods like bread, rice, pasta etc and eat more greens and fresh fruits, you’ll drop some weight :)

  • Brenda

    Hey Jess, I read your blog post; just wanted to let you know that I’m happy to see a blogger that I enjoy reading about taking measures to make herself healthier (imo, health matters most) :) You’re an inspiration! I look forward to seeing even more posts from you now!! You look great!

    • shiberty

      Thank you Brenda! So much healthier and happier now!!

  • Melanie

    Hi Shiberty,

    I just read yours and Yina’s post and suddenly I itched to write out my fat story. Think I was inspired by you to speak out. I’ll just copy and paste what I wrote on her comments for your easy referral (please see below).

    But what i really wanted to say was YOU LOOK GORGEOUS! Then and now, and you’re totally right about having a pretty face but it gets covered up with fats too! I too think I have a pretty face but… I know it was much more (or less depending on how u look at it).

    I’m so happy and proud of you guys really, and i know dieting sucks and it’s okay to slip once in a while :) I didnt slip for a year. A WHOLE YEAR. And when I finally did, for like a month, my weight came back on. It’s. So. Tiring. Honestly. No room for mistakes and I really wish to experience Slim Couture. It seems like a dream come true. A dream that came true after 12 years of long wishing. However… the fairy godmother still wont wave her magic wand…

    I can’t afford Slim Couture.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Hi Yina,

    I have been following you and Shiberty since March this
    year and am so super amazed and happy for you guys on your successful
    weight loss journey. I’m only now mustering up the confidence to write a
    comment :)

    I myself have been a “fatty” since i hit puberty at
    age 12. I can remember this very very clearly cause that was when my
    confidence and happiness disappeared. It first started with little
    growing up girl jokes, “hehe, I can see her boobs bounce when she runs
    during P.E”, relatives saying “wow, growing very very fast huh” while
    patting my ever expanding tummy.

    It never got better, it got
    worse and worse until I was 15 when I joined sports, I ran like hell 3
    times a week, did strength training and interval training and it was
    insane. I was so tan, I couldn’t be called pretty even when I was
    “smaller”. I didn’t say “slimmer” because at the point where I looked
    the smallest, I was still above 62kg.

    But guess what? After Sec
    4, no more sports, no more exercise and my muscles melted to fats. Like Shiberty my boyfriend (now husband) didn’t help by pampering me so
    much. I love him and hate him for that. I hit an all time high of 82kg.
    That was when I decided to take pills.

    Was on panbesy about five
    months before my wedding and am glad to say I lost about 12kg. i
    remembered I was 70kg on my wedding night. I was on the moon! I was
    smiling confidently and flashing million dollar smiles at everyone. I
    thought I could continue taking Panbesy, when I realised I was pregnant.
    I would NEVER ever compromise my baby’s health so I stopped the
    slimming pills and started the folic acid/multivitamin pills and slowly
    but surely, my weight came back.

    I mean, duh we will gain weight
    when pregnant, but 23kg?! that was a bit too much. I hit 93kg when my
    baby was finally born. Even after 4 months of breastfeeding, I was at
    72kg flat. There were slight increases and decreases and I was
    maintaining my diet as well as exercising regularly. (by diet i mean
    stir fried spinach, steam chicken breast/white fish, mushroom and
    germinated lentils EVERYDAY for lunch, oatmeal with greek yoghurt,
    organic full cream milk and honey for breakfast and low carb dinner with
    loads of veggies. Hit the gym twice a week, go for an hr long zumba
    lesson once a week, splash in the public pool with baby on Saturdays,
    not lazing around and eating ice cream)

    It’s been a year of
    dieting and exercising now my baby is almost 2. I’m still at 71kg – 74kg
    and feeling bloated. I am back on Panbesy but honestly… It’s not
    working anymore. Been on for 3 months already and weight is still at
    71-73 range. I am so sick and tired of taking pills that may or may not
    harm my future kids, or not joining my colleagues for lunch (i can tell
    you, my relationship with them is not the same as before, not as close,
    not as free and it makes me wanna cry cause they are real great people
    and I miss them), or having to watch my weight ALL the time, or
    calculating calories, or spouting out health food and health tips when
    I’m, looking the way I am (so hypocritical). I’m just so sick of feeling
    my fats rolling when I sit down, or having to cover every damn thing
    up, or not being able to wear pretty clothes cause they make me look fat
    (eg high waist skirts, short tops, or anything close to white etc.).

    Thank god my baby doesn’t know the word “FAT” yet.

    I am so freaking tempted to go for slim couture but… I CAN’T AFFORD IT.

    It’s
    as simple as that really. but it’s the only barrier I am facing. Their 8
    sessions (if at 2 apoointments a week… thats a month’s worth of
    appointments?) is equivalent to my one month’s salary. I can’t afford
    that! My baby needs milk powder, and diapers, and I need food for
    groceries and transport and to pay my bills (okay… my hubby pays the bills and the maid and the car and everything else).

    There must be a
    way for me to be happy with my weight but it’s been years and I still
    feel disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror every morning… For
    me, there really is no way out huh?

    • shiberty

      Thanks for sharing your story! I’m glad that you put your baby’s health and well being first, you’re definitely doing the right thing :)

      Don’t fret if a slimming center is out of your budget. You can lose the weight by making adjustments to your life! Maybe you can ask yourself why you are overweight. Is it the portions or the type of food you’re eating? I’ll be happy to offer my own advice! Never lose sight of your goal. It took me a long few years to get fit and it was not easy at all. A lot of sweat and tears went into this, but I want everyone reading this to know that YOU CAN do it too!!!

      Do it for your baby. I’m sure she wants a healthy, happy mummy! :)

  • Angele

    Hi Jess, I’ve been a long term reader of your blog and I just wanted to say Congrats!! It must have taken a lot of effort to go such a long way and I’m glad that your persistence paid off! You’re looking great and I’m sure you feel great too! I don’t have a weight problem but even shedding 1-2kg for me makes a difference to how much “lighter” I feel!

    • shiberty

      Thank you Angele! Yes, I’m so happy my persistence paid off too! I have a final 5kg to go, wish me luck!!! :D

  • GG

    YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION! I’ve been reading your blog for years and it’s amazing the journey you’ve been through. Thank you for being such an inspiring human being :)

  • Sheryl

    Hi, I’m interested to try out SC.. But what’s the rough budget range for the program that I’m looking at? It’s quite an important factor of consideration for me..

  • http://yourstrawberryfield.tumblr.com tere

    thanks for the brutally honest post! i really enjoyed reading it. i’ve been on a rollercoaster with my weight over the past few years as well, and of late i’ve just concluded that i’d rather remain happy and unhealthy and not watch my waist. i think it’s high time i catch myself before it becomes too late. i’m really glad you’re a happier you today :) i’d just like to add a friendly caution! don’t get too addicted with being too slim until you’re an unhealthy sort of slim! ..but i’m sure you know this already ;) anyway, keep on being positive dear jess! i can’t believe this but thinking back, i’ve been following you since 2008, so i actually know the changes you went through! you’ve been remarkably strong, and always still beautiful inside out nonetheless. <3 all the best to you, sam and your lovely bunnies!

  • Zenith Ng Jia Zhen

    Hi Shiberty! I know i’m kinda 1 year late in commenting, hope you will read my comment and give me some feedback. ^^ I read your reviews once in awhile and you did both EYS & Slim Couture. Which do you think is more suitable? I am having the same problems as you, I started gaining weight from primary til now, I am at 90kg +/-, and I am still gaining. I want to slim down real badly, tried going on diets etc but couldn’t hold for long and went back to eating junk. I know you mentioned SC is more focused on slimming while EYS is overall health and my main goal is to slim down by next cny. But I really do not know which to go with, do you think I should go for SC or EYS?? Appreciate your help! <3

  • http://www.cynoulet.net Teresa @ Cynoulet.net

    Wow, I just discovered this post and I’m so glad I did – I’m with you on every one of those 10 reasons! Am on a plan to lose 20kg as well… and I’m halfway there. I LOVE the “you look great!” comments, and it’s honestly quite an ego boost when people notice and appreciate the weight loss.