Sick and tired

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I hate being sick SO much. I know it’s obvious enough that nobody likes being sick, but it seems like every time I fall sick, I have it worse than other people. I don’t fall sick super often, but when I do, I get very very sick. I’d get high temperature fevers, coughs that last for weeks, and I get hit by so much fatigue I find it hard to go on with my daily activities.

I think that means I have to boost my intake of Vitamin C? I’m not exactly the healthiest person you’ll find around. I haven’t been in the best of health, dealing with issues like anemia since I was a kid. So for the past 1 month I have been coughing like a desperate motherfucker. At first my coughs were mild, and dry, and I took no notice of them. I mean, a little coughing won’t kill me right???

Or so I thought. The coughs have turned from dry, to really loaded with gross green-ish thick phlegm, and I don’t know if you know what it feels like to cough so hard and frequently your head and neck and joints literally hurt, but it sucks. Coughing so violently you gasp for air and coughing into the night at 5am. I haven’t had a decent night sleep in weeks. Every time I think I’m getting better, I get worse. From dry coughs to phlegm-y coughs to on-and-off fevers to body aches to runny, stuffy nose to headaches to now, fatigue and having difficulty breathing.

At the start of my sickness (almost a month ago) I just took cough drops and panadols because it wasn’t so serious, thinking my illness would go away soon, I brushed it off… but it didn’t. So after awhile, I took more meds from the pharmacy.. but nothing seemed to work. I didn’t go to the doc’s because I thought a cough was pretty straightforward. Cough syrups, what else? But the idea that there might be a bigger, underlying problem dawned on me yesterday… So Sam finally dragged my stubborn ass to the doctor’s yesterday afternoon, and le doctor reckons I have mild asthma. He prescribed me more medicine, and gave me an inhaler to use. I’m appalled.

I haven’t had asthma since I was a child.. is he for real?

I’m sick of my mum, grandmother, boyfriend lecturing me about not taking medicine and being “heaty”… They don’t see that I AM TRYING to get better!!! But I just can’t, goddammit, do you think I enjoy wheezing like an 80 year old with lung cancer? Mum keeps telling me not to have chilli or cold food but that only makes sense if you have a sore throat. My problem seems to be much deeper rooted. I honestly thought my cough was derived from drinking hot tom yum soup and burning my throat (as I had a sore that that day after drinking soup which led to a cough) but I can actually feel the discomfort in my chest instead of in my throat now. My throat in fact seems perfectly fine, there’s no irritation or infection there. I’m afraid my illness has to do with my respiratory system. When I take deep breaths, there is a horrible sound of a dying person’s last breath, and I end up choking and coughing so I tend to take short, sharp breaths now. The doctor told me yesterday that it is not normal for coughs to go on for for a month (wow you don’t say) so he’s referred me to go for an X-ray check up. And I am going tomorrow.

The whole of today afternoon and yesterday, I could do nothing but sleep, and sleep. It kills me to know that I am so weak, I can’t even find the energy to do something as simple as replying emails. I am rid of all my capabilities. I am even afraid of touching cakes in fear of transferring my sickness so I get my boyfriend to help me do things instead. My head just hurts, all the fucking time. The thing is, my mind is wide awake, but my body is completely exhausted, perhaps from battling the virus. I have no idea how I even produce so much mucus, it’s no wonder I constantly feel dehydrated. I was so angry at myself for not taking better care of myself and so pissed off at being sick for the 4th week in a row, that I cried myself to sleep. Well in between my sobs I had to get out of the bed every 2 minutes to blow my stuffy nose into a tissue or to spit out more phlegm. I realized how lightly I take my health and how important health really is. You can have it all, money, love, family, friends, good looks, success, youth… but nothing guarantees health. Look at Steve Jobs! All the money in the world couldn’t save him. And it’s not even his fault for what happened to him.

To make matters worse, I actually had a recording session (for a Youtube video!!!) 2 days ago, but failed miserably because I sounded too nasally due to my stuffy nose and I just couldn’t stop coughing. My coughing has led to a shortness of breath so it’d even harder to sing. I could barely breathe normally, let belt out lyrics. You have NO IDEA how much I was looking forward to recording the song and how badly I want to do this. Now the next recording session is pushed back to almost a month later. :’( It makes me so disappointed.

I have been trying to be healthier recently, so it makes me angry that I should fall sick now, when I’m actually starting to give a damn. Did I start too late? I think I really am older and more vulnerable, when I was younger I felt like I could take on the world and nothing could bring me down. Now, it feels like a simple flu could get the better of me or even kill me. I don’t see why I should be so sick. My eating habits have been quite good I think, I eat lots of fruits, I have been cutting down on more than 80% of the sodas, desserts, and junk food that I normally eat. I try to be more active, by doing sports like badminton, and I’ve actually lost 5kg in the past month by just eating less and better, but I’m not sure if the weight loss has got to do with being sick as well. I hear sick people lose a lot of weight. But still, trying to be healthier didn’t stop me from turning into this miserable thing that I am this very instant :( I would literally hand someone $2000 cash right now, if they could rid me of my illness instantly. It seems like no matter how many pills I pop, which is more than 9 a day, I am not getting better.

I’m not a doctor, but I have been doing a lot of googling, I think I might have either:


Mycoplasma: (info taken here)

Mycoplasma has been very prominent in Singapore in recent years. The infection can make a person feel unwell, with typical symptoms including aches, coughs and fatigue, though many infected people don’t feel bad enough to visit a GP. It is, however, important to understand and diagnose Mycoplasma in order to avoid infecting others.

Mycoplasma infection typically refers to the respiratory illness caused by Mycoplasma Pneumoniae, a microscopic organism related to bacteria. Most infections involve the upper respiratory tract (such as sore throat, bronchitis). In five to ten percent of patients, the infection can progress to pneumonia. The medical term for this lung infection is Atypical Pneumonia or Community Acquired Pneumonia. It is also commonly referred to as “Walking Pneumonia”, as the symptoms are usually mild and most patients are able to function quite normally. Hospitalisation is rarely required. Complications are relatively rare.

Symptoms usually develop around two to three weeks after exposure to the organism. The symptoms develop slowly, over a period of two to four days. Typical initial symptoms include fever, sore throat, fatigue, body aches, headaches and dizzy spells. A dry cough, often in spasms, is the hallmark of the infection. Early stages of the infection can be very similar to that of the common cold or even influenza. However, with Mycoplasma infection, the symptoms can be persistent, especially the cough and fatigue, which can linger for weeks and sometimes months.

Acute Bronchitis (info from wiki):

Acute bronchitis is an inflammation of the large bronchi (medium-size airways) in the lungs that is usually caused by viruses or bacteria and may last several days or weeks.[1] Characteristic symptoms include cough, sputum (phlegm) production, and shortness of breath and wheezing related to the obstruction of the inflamed airways. Diagnosis is by clinical examination and sometimes microbiological examination of the phlegm. Treatment for acute bronchitis is typically symptomatic. As viruses cause most cases of acute bronchitis, antibiotics should not be used unless microscopic examination of gram-stained sputum reveals large numbers of bacteria.

Bronchitis may be indicated by an expectorating cough, shortness of breath (dyspnea), and wheezing. On occasion, chest pains, fever, and fatigue or malaise may also occur. In addition, bronchitis caused by Adenoviridae may cause systemic and gastrointestinal symptoms as well. However, the coughs due to bronchitis can continue for up to three weeks or more even after all other symptoms have subsided.

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Seriously… not looking forward to getting either a chest X-ray or blood test tomorrow. Expensive, and extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.

For all of you who have read my long winded, wordy, ranty entry until this thus far, thank you for being my listening ear. You have no idea how awful I feel.

The rest of you who are well, please, please please take good care of yourself. This is the time to be vigilant. There is seriously an alarming number of sick people recently, and you don’t want to be one of them. I have a feeling a highly contagious bout of illness has been hitting Singaporeans. I know at least 3 other people with the same symptoms that I have, goodness knows what viruses they, or I, carry. If you see someone coughing non-stop, (likely me if you live in Simei) run FAR FAR away.

And for everyone else who is sick, fuck your life, and fuck mine too.

Wish me luck for my check up tomorrow, I hope it’s not anything too serious!!! I’ve been sick for a month now, and I am TOTALLY READY to get better ASAP.