If I Were A Boy… even just for a day.

Ok, first of all, you need to see THIS cool video of a make up guru on Youtube showing you how to turn into a man. Or more specifically, Drake.

I can’t remember how, but I stumbled across this Youtube vid randomly and I wuz all like “Wowwww, that looks incredibly funnnnn. n__n”

You can skip through most of it and just watch the general progression. I was giggling endlessly at the transformation.



The Before and After!!!!
Isn’t that awesome? :D LOL.

And THEN, out of nowhere… I was all……..

:o :o :o… CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

“IMMA BE A MAN FOR A DAY TOO!!! *pokes Sam who’s sitting next time* Baby, I’m going to turn into a man!!!!!!!! Are you excited?

Him: -____-

I don’t think he thought I was serious, but I was dead serious. I don’t know what possessed me. In a coupla minutes, I was gathering all the make up I had, rubbing dark eyeshadow onto my face, trying to look as un-feminine as possible. In about 30 minutes or so, I was quite done with my job. I just had to find some of Sam’s clothes to wear. It was awfully amusing, really. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without doubling over cracking up. I think I did a relatively convincing job for a spontaneous effort.

I went on and took a SHIT LOAD of epiccccccc photos that looked like I was on crack, they were so epically epic, I dressed up as a guy and had a fake boner in my pants, me clutching my fake crotch and making gross sexy faces at the camera and there was about 100 photos on there that would make you piss your pants laughing. BUT because all good things ALWAYS come to an end, unfortunately when I tried loading the pics into my computer at night, I found out that my memory card was faulty. T_____T None of my laptops or computers at home could read it (we have 3 computers, 2 laptops and 1 macbook in total).

It was weird because the camera could still display the pictures however according to the computers, the data wasn’t formatted properly. I’d also misplaced the cables to my camera, so I couldn’t hook it up to the computer via the camera and get the info off. So I thought to myself “WTFUCK is this shit. Please don’t die on me now. I’m only a man for a day, and I just washed all my make up off, I’m not putting it all back on again!!!” so the next day I went out to Challenger (a hardware store) and bought myself a new memory card reader in hopes of making it work.

But when I wanted to try and see if it worked today, I realized that THE memory card has gone MISSING. ……………….. I’ve searched high and low, flipped my room inside out, no sign of it. It literally disappeared into thin air because it’s just not here anymore. Don’t ask me how or when or why because I don’t know myself. All I know is, it’s gone. So I bought a new memory card for nothing, and completely lost the pictures FOREVER. Needless to say I was all like FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU big time because those pictures were priceless!!! I’d rather lose twice the amount of vain, normal camwhore photos and have kept the boy ones instead. Why do I have the worst luck?! :(

Luckily (not really) for me, I still have some lousy iPhone quality photos yet. So… enough rambling, you’re probably wonder “Wtf is this girl on about”, so without further ado, I’ll show you some photos. Pixelated photos that don’t compare to the ones I took on my other camera at all, but photographic evidence that I WAS a man for a day after all. *le sigh*


So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you….
Me. As a man.


…..Everyone, meet…
Jake. (I’ve always liked that name. I told myself when I was a kid that if I had a son next time, he’d be called Jake. And I don’t know why I was a child thinking about having children herself, something obviously went wrong somewhere.)


“WHAT’S UP NEEEEGAAZZ, IT’S J-LO IN DA HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And that was one embarassing name I used to tell people to call me, when I was a kid. J-Lo, as in Jessica Loh. HAHAHA GEDDIT??? #loserkid #foreveralone


Sam: Are you trying to look like a man, or a hobo?

Me: A hobo man!!!! :D

So what do you think? DO I MAKE A HAMSUM BOI?! :DDDD. I’ve heard the eyebrows are a little too slick, too perfect, but I think that is a forgivable make up flaw. Well how do you suppose I could will myself to grow real bushy eyebrow hair in an hour?!


AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

According to everyone else who has seen me in this state (my family, Nicholas and the people who work at Bedok’s Selegie Tao Hway joint coz I went out at night like this to buy beancurd.) I have a really “qian bian” face. I think it’s quite true lah I also feel like punching my own face lololol.

Sam said, “Why do you keep snarling? That’s not what all guys do.”

Me: “I can’t think of any other way to pose, or another facial expression to give that is relatively manly! Coz all my normal photo-taking facial expressions range along something like

this….”

*blows kisses* AM I KAWAII? ^__________^!!

(I asked Sam this question, and he replied “You look like Nicholas.” I BURST OUT LAUGHING.)

Through this experiment, I have realized that manly photo taking angles = display your side profile to show off your jawline, give slightly slitty fierce eyes, and to grit your teeth. No pouting or SMIZING or risk looking retarded like the above.

Really though, after inspecting these photos again & again, I honestly think I make a not-bad male specimen. I wouldn’t go as far as to say “good”, but…. come on. A lot of guys I know are worse looking than that. HAHAHAH. Ladies, would you date this guy?

*hears a resounding NO!!! …..but ignores it.*

Sure, a little too snarly and dirty looking.. but nothing a shower and a shave can’t fix. -nods-

I think I look more like a boy than the Youtube make up guru, to be frank. A marvelous job if I do say so myself. *beams for all the wrong reasons* I feel like making my own video now, so people can see MY transformation on video.. But I’m not sure if it’s something to be proud of as that may also mean I was just born with exceptionally manly and coarser looking features for a girl.

….My boyfriend refused to kiss me the whole night.

Who wants to guess why? Lol. I guess my make up’s too convincing, because after awhile he was so repulsed, he actually told me sternly to “GO AWAY”. Da fuq.

I don’t blame him though, I was splayed on the bed, full on looking like a homeless man and repeatedly asking for “cuddlesssss!” in a high pitched baby-ish voice. LOL.

This is about the most sexually awkward picture I’ve taken. ♥ I know you still love me deep down inside Sam.. remember how you said LOOKS aren’t everything???

2 things funny about this photo: 1) Me, duh. 2) Sam’s gut.

Well, that’s all I have for my man photos, unfortunately.

I am especially motivated to record my Girl to Boy transformation ever since I’ve lost the HQ photos. Ughh. I’m still so cut up over the loss and malfunction of that memory card. :( Y’all would’ve loved the stupid pictures on it. …Should I do the video then?? I think I might, one of these days… when I feel like being a man again. (I hope I don’t get these strange urges too often) Or when Beyonce’s singing moves me enough.

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And with that, I leave you with pictures taken yesterday that reek of outrageous femininity to remind you all that I actually AM a female at the end of the day.

As hard as it may be to believe now, my vagina is still very much intact and alive and flapping. (JK about the flapping part. Or maybe not.)

xoxo,
Jake


(…Thumbs up for you sir, if you saw what I did there.)