I miss living on my own.
I don’t actually like being all alone, but I do enjoy quiet time with myself very much. As equally as I relish spending quality time with the people I care about.
The thing is..
I’ve been with Sam EVERY SINGLE DAY since November 2010, that’s coming to 5 months now – and frankly it’s driving me a little insane. It’s not that I have grown sick of him, it’s just that, I reallyyyyyyyyy miss being on my own. I miss being able to be me. In fact I miss me so much that I’m afraid I might lose that part of me if I live with him long enough.
Am I crazy to say that sometimes I feel like I am my own best friend? When I’m alone, I have little conversations with myself inside my head. It’s like I am free to do and say anything I want, because nobody is watching or judging me.
Solitude is almost enjoyable when you can keep yourself self-entertained as I do.
We all know quality time with your loved ones is important, but has no one ever noticed how important quality time for YOURSELF is, too? Self-reflection – something that hasn’t been happening enough for me recently.
So single people, rejoice because you get to experience these things that I don’t get to anymore:
#1) I miss not sharing my bed with anyone.
Can there be ONE night that I don’t have to stick to one side of the bed??
I WANT TO ROLL AROUND on BOTH sides AND ENJOY THE SPACIOUSNESS!
I want to lay sprawled out on the bed with my arms and legs fully spread out. I want to have ONE night that I don’t need wake up at 3am to search for my bolster because my boyfriend has stolen it from my grasp while I was asleep.
I want allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the blanket to myself, and I hate having Tug-O-Wars with my blanket with him!!
IT’S MY BLANKIE. T______T
I know I sound so childish but what the bejeezus is the point of having an extra large queen sized bed if you’re gonna have to share it with someone else who happens to take up 3/4 of the space anyway?? My bf is the sort who steals blankets from people and takes up half of the bed while still saying
“No space, move over!!”
#2) I miss farting and burping whenever I like. In my own room of course.
There’s nothing like having to hold in your own farts in your own room. Where the fuck is the comfort of home, you tell me?!? If I cannot fart in my own house, WHERE in the world can I let it rip in peace?
I know I CAN fart and burp in front of my boyfriend, but I don’t wanna gross him out too much and too often now, do I? He does it in front of me sometimes and it really grosses me out because they fucking stink (yes, let’s admit it kids, farts stink) so I tryyy not to do it to him as much as possible.
Sometimes I burp in his face just for fun, then giggle about it and think I’m cute (I know it’s totally not cute) but that is a completely different story.
I’m now talking about the kind of farts that sounds like an elephant is having an orgasm in your asshole. Like an angry male lion that just found out he got cheated on by his lioness wife.
The kind of farts the rest of humankind should never have to hear.
#3) I miss waking up at my own timing.
Because if he wakes up, I get woken up too. I’m not a heavy sleeper, so the slightest movement will jolt me awake instantly. Gone are the days when I can just drift off to sleep peacefully (refer to point 1) and then wake up according to whenever my body feels like getting up.
NO. I’m thrown back into reality oh so suddenly even when my soul is still floating in dream land, because my bf got up at 7am to take a piss. I was dreaming of riding killer whales and being a supermodel too.
Well thanks a lot… not!!!
Stop ruining my perfectly good dreams!!!
It also seems that whenever I have good dreams, he wakes me up but when I have nightmares, I get undisturbed sleep. Because the world works in mysterious ways.
Oh oh oh which brings me to point 4.
#4) I also miss going to sleep at my own timings.
“Can you turn off the lights??”
“What? It’s only 3am!”
“…ONLY 3am?! Wtf are you talking about? I’m dead sleepy already!”
“But I’m not sleepy at all!”
“Why are you so inconsiderate?”
“Why are you so annoying???”
#5) I miss playing my own music and singing Youtube karaoke until my lungs give up into the wee hours of the morning.
I love music. I cannot live without music.
Sam unfortunately has very weird taste in music. He only thinks certain songs are nice, and pretty much hates the rest of the songs he’s never been exposed to – he’s very narrow-minded that way. I, on the other hand, listen to a WIDE, wide range of songs. I don’t care about the genre, if it is a good song, then it’s a good song. (unless it’s a house / techno song then it is a shitty song)
I like anything from Beethoven Classical to Booty Shakin’ Black Rap to Bubble Gum Pop Katy Perry to Alternative bands like Weezer.
So half of the time, when I play music, he goes like, “Can you turn that shit off?”
Fuck my life!!!!!!!!!
Listening to the music you like is one of god’s given rights to humans!!!! One of my FAVOURITE things to do at home is singing in the shower
(“Why do you sing in the shower?”)
and singing Youtube karaoke from 12am to 4am
(“Why do you sing so late at night?”)
Now I cannot do any of that.
In fact, I’m blasting music and it’s 3am now and he got so pissed off that he went to sleep outside on the couch. WTF. I want to feel bad for him and be understanding, but I can’t. It feels soooo good to feel like this is MY room once again. I especially miss listening to Justin Bieber and songs with deep basses because apparently both of these things hurt his ears. A lot.
Guess which one of my favourite songs I’m belting out at the moment??
ALLLLLLLLLL BY MYSELFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
I wanna beeee… all by myself sometimes!
Eric Carmen, Y U NO appreciate your solitude? How else you think your singing got so good right??? Because you were All By Yourself and no idiot keeps telling you to STFU when you practice singing! DUH!
#5) I miss wearing granny underwear.
……And not getting judged for it.
So when you go to your boyfriend’s house or when you go on important dates, you wear sexy lingerie. At home, you wear underwear that looks like your Nanny picked it out for you.
ADMIT IT! If you wear sexy underwear even at home you must be a slut!!!!
Always invite guys over to have mass orgy right?
Stupid movies always portray actresses looking like goddesses going to sleep in amazingly exquisite pajamas from Victoria’s Secret
(are you kidding me? my PJs are all torn and tattered)
YA FUCKING RIGHT.
Well it’s not totally impossible but like I said, unless you are a slut who’s waiting to get fucked every night you don’t sleep in something like that.
Sexually appealing night gowns us humans can still achieve by buying in stores, what’s reaalllyyy incredulous is when they show women in movies miraculously WAKING UP LOOKING LIKE THIS:
Sorry, not ever happening pumpkin!!!
Pretty sure more than half of us wake up looking like ogres / trolls. #truestoryimmarealwoman
Something about being women makes us deteriorate overnight. I think it’s safe to say we look a helluva lot better when we’re going to sleep instead of when we’ve just woken up and looking like Courtney Love getting wasted.
I KNOW that every one of you actually wake up looking kinda like…
N’aw, don’t worry.. Not that there’s actually anything wrong with it, sorta cute and human-like actually.
Yeah let’s face it, the world ain’t pretty and full of sparkles and rainbows. It’s full of disheveled hair and crap in your eyes and bad breath in the morning and clogged up noses and bloated faces and croaky voices.
Which also reminds me…
#6) I miss not waking up to bad breath.
Boyfriend wakes up in the morning, turns over to you, kisses you on the forehead going “Good Morning Beautiful” and his lips turn upwards into a slight smile.
And you’re lying there, still groggy from the sleep and ALMOST in the romantic mood if not for the fact that his…………. breath……. bloody……
Reeks of last night’s dinner of pork chops you guys had!!! To think you thought cooking for him was a good idea. You now pay the price for being a fabulous girlfriend.
As he expects a favourable reply, you turn over to him, try your hardest not to gag or choke while breathing in his bad breath and also reply, “Good morning baby” in equally awful breath. I can’t think of a more unromantic way to start the day.
My conclusion? Mornings are never pretty. It has never been more evident since I’ve started living in with a partner.
Ok, I think I’m going to jump at this opportunity. Since Sam is sleeping outside on the couch now, I’m going to happily flop onto my bed all by myself!!!
I know this doesn’t sound like the usual me but dangggggggg if you have ever lived with someone for this long, you’d know exactly what I’m going through.
…FREEDOM, Y U NO EXIST?