Emotional

This week has been extremely emotional for me… a lot of ups and downs.

One day I’d be bouncing about in happiness, the next there will be moments of hysterical sobbing.

Oh well, the shitty parts don’t bug me for too long though, because like a wise man once said, there will be no happiness without a little pain. Without moments of sadness and loss to serve as the greatest reminder of how we are truly privileged in our happiest times, how else will we selfish, forgetful humans learn to constantly appreciate what we have?

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So no matter what happens, I’m here to hold my head up high. Even if I have my teeny weeny moments of mental breakdown, such as going ape shit and breaking and flinging stuff in my room (a sort of tantrum I never EVER throw!) I know I’d better pull my shit together soon because I can only imagine it’s going to get tougher from here.

I would love to tell you guys all about my problems and let off some steam, but a lot of them are very personal (family-related) and I’m not a fan of airing dirty linen in public unnecessarily, so I guess I can’t say very much besides the fact that I’ve been very, very fucking stressed. But it’s a-okay, looking at pretty cupcakes on a near daily basis is keeping me somewhat sane, although that’s redundant to a point since making them constantly is what’s driving me insane in the first place!

Everyday, it’s either running errands, or replying emails (which is a new phobia of mine – opening my inbox, because there is always MORE work mails to reply to!!), or baking and decorating cakes, or playing Maplestory with Sam to keep him entertained, or cooking for family, and the few hours I actually have the time to myself, I choose to plonk myself down on my bed and fall asleep in exhaustion.

I swear you can see prominent-ish dark eye circles underneath my eyes now, a feature I didn’t have before!

People around me haven’t even been trying to make it easier on me either, in fact they are more often than not the cause of my problems.

And I realize in times of desperate need, I am REALLY the only person I can truly rely on. Friends and family are real swell and all, but no pillar is stronger than faith in yourself. Today after another mini mental breakdown, I am making a personal promise to love myself more.

Eat healthier (instead of always skipping meals), exercise more (yeah fucking right but there’s nothing wrong with comforting yourself), indulge in things I love more frequently such as photography, shopping, traveling (how long has it been?) and of course, blogging. I have realized that by neglecting myself, I have also inadvertently neglected my blog for quite awhile now. But I try to share as much with you as possible most of the time, going as far as a public online diary allows me to. Being politically correct is tiring, can I just the fuck the world and say how I really feel?

Will you still love me tomorrow?