Don’t expect me to be your friend

So my ex boyfriend texted me at like 12++am the other day and asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch with him tomorrow afternoon.

I asked him why he suddenly he asked me out, and he casually replied, “Oh I’m just going to be in your area tomorrow.”

Of course I said no (I asked him why initially coz I thought he had something important to tell me.. like erm he had cancer and was going to die and sincerely wanted to apologize for wasting 2 years of my life??)

I told him I couldn’t coz I had exams the next day (true story) but even if I didn’t have a math paper to sit for, I would never have went anyway.

I was appalled by his behaviour… how could he behave so casual with me?

Up till this day, I’m puzzled by how people can be (or pretend to be) so casual around their (recent) ex-es. I dunno about you, but when I think of ex-boyfriend, very very strange memories come flooding back to me..

Yes, it has already been over a year since we broke up, but I still can’t bring myself to face him yet. Not because I’m in love with him still, but it’s just because I haven’t forgotten the times we had.

How can I stand being around someone I’ve been intimate with, who is now a total stranger (in ways) to me and not feel awkward?

How can I look into the eyes of the boy I’ve shed so many tears for without wondering if he’s thinking about the same memories that I am?

There are still many things I wish I’d said to him, but I’ll never bare myself to him again. I realized there’s no point in talking to somebody like him… I just wish it didn’t take me so long to find out what kind of a person he is.

I wish he’d hate me and refrain from any contact with me at all, honestly, it’s easier that way.

At first I thought there was something wrong with me. Could it be that I haven’t got over him yet?

Why am I so afraid to pick up his call? Why do I have weird fuzzy feeling when I receive texts from him? (ain’t a warm feeling.. more like nausea)

Even after we’ve broken up, you’re still making me feel like there’s something wrong with me wtf. But today I realized you’re just too TOXIC to be around. And this post is a reminder to myself to never entertain your calls again.

I know many girls who want to be friends with their ex-boyfriends but that’s something I can’t do.. unless you know, maybe 20 years later. You know that an ex-boyfriend is not worth being friends with if you try to think of him as a friend but all you can think of is all the hurt he’s caused you.

I find it strangely offensive
that he’s acting so casual around me.

I don’t know if you remember, but our break up was an ugly, forced one (you being the culprit of course). It was not a “mutual understanding” kind of situation.

Sometimes I just want to scream at him…


How dare you take my heart as a young teenager, stomp all over it, try to piece it back together just to rip it apart all over again and when I’ve finally gathered enough strength to break free you are back to haunt me?

How dare you act like the time we’ve spent together was nothing much at all? How dare you not be begging for forgiveness and instead trying to act like we could be best buddies?!?!!

What makes you think you deserve to be part of my life?

When I talk to him, it’s like he does not feel any guilt, sadness, or nostalgia at all. It’s like he doesn’t remember all those times we shared..

But I remember.

There’s just too many memories, some sweet, but mostly bitter.. to remind myself why I broke up with him in the first place, so I maintain a constant dislike for him..

Unless somebody erases these memories from my head, I could NEVER be friends with him.

He also called me up again about 2 months ago and asked me what I’d been saying about him on my blog, because apparently the girl he was interested in has read my blog and the nasty things I’ve said about him so she ignored him for awhile.

He sounded quite upset over the phone and I felt the slightest bit of guilt, I think he expected an apology or some sort of explanation but he didn’t get one.

Well forgive me if I’m only human!

Forgive me if I’m not like you. Forgive me if I refuse to act as if that 2 years of my life didn’t happen… Forgive me for ranting on my blog, because that’s the only kind of closure I ever got.

Forgive me if the pain you’ve caused me still hurts.

Why are you so worried about what I write on my blog?? I promise that everything I write here is nothing but the plain, cold truth about you.

You or your friends may beg to differ, but they’re so superficial just like you that it’s even funny.

Let me get this straight.. I spent so long trying to forget you and getting rid of you, now you want to be FRIENDS?

So you can’t be bothered putting in enough effort to keep me as your girlfriend but you conveniently decide to have me as a friend?

I know all about the cheap sluts and ah lians you toy and hang around with… You expect me to be one of THEM?

Fuck that shit!!! And fuck you for being so unapologetic.

No, you don’t deserve me as your girlfriend, that’s why I left you, and now, you don’t deserve me as a friend either.

Since I wasn’t your everything, then let me just be nothing to you.

I feel almost ROBBED of the awkwardness after every failed relationship. At least when he’s awkward around you, he remembers that you were once important to him and he’s scared to be too casual because he respects your own space.

My ex-boyfriend??

He even called me at 1am to ask me for advice on how to chase after this girl he met online!!!

The only advice I have for you is to never go near a decent girl with a good heart, ever again.

She may not be able to pick up the pieces like I did.

Reasons why we can’t be friends:

1) I would have to punch myself in the face for betraying my own intelligence

2) I would have to punch your face too

3) It conflicts with my views of not hanging out with people who are stupid, pretentious and / or have no morals

4) I don’t want to be THAT girl you’d have to lie about to another female

4) Friends are for building relationships. You tore whatever we had left of a relationship down a long time ago

5) I’ve spent a helluva lot time trying to bury you deep and away.. so stay in your grave motherfucker!!!

6) I know you like nobody else does and that is why I of all people would know ALL the reasons to
NOT want to be your friend!!!


Let’s just let this story come to an end.. so don’t expect me to be your friend.