Ever since the first day I’ve been writing this blog, it has only known one author and that is me.
Today, here’s a blog entry to share with you guys that was not written by me, but by my darling boyfriend instead…
It’s the most precious and funniest blog entry ever! :’)
This blog post by Sam is called,
“The girl through the window”
Ever walked down the streets of town and viewed something through the shop window and its just simply out of reach for one reason or another even though it’s right there in front of you?
Imagine that the item is not a purse, a dress or a pair of shoes but something of much greater value like a person you have grown feelings for, how much would you do to obtain that unreachable goal?
Why these questions you wonder? Because these are the questions I asked myself not too long ago.
How much am I willing to sacrifice on something that could be just an illusion.. a hallucination, a manifestation of what I desire?
I thought long and hard, I took time to think, a long 3 days of just battling with my inner self making sense of it all, cos it didn’t make sense at all.
Finally I was ‘poked’ with the words “You’ve been staying up late these nights”, a moment I somewhat both dreaded and desired.
Would I stand tall to the challenge or kneel to the pressure? In the end, I muttered the words ‘I think I like you’
You the readers pass judgement did I triumph or fail miserably, of course here is the more complete tale of what would be known as how Sam the freaken l4d guy met Jess.
It wasn’t a fairy tale beginning at all, the first few conversations were nothing more then “Hey I think this is better because..” and “you are wrong because….” and “Singapore is crap because….”
Despite the racial hate and assertion of superiority, the conversations started to become longer, more interesting, more intriguing, more sought after and more desired.
Before I knew it, I was racing to the microphone, cutting obligations shorter just to increase the amount of contact as much as possible, and before I realised it myself I had fallen, fallen too deep…
And I didn’t know it yet, how stupid I was and still are.
But the feelings were masked by the normal prejudices and childish namecalling and life went on, online.
Things were changing in the world, everyone is poorer besides China, stem cell research is allowed now, the president is coloured with a ‘U’, may as well change the world in which we prance and play in and so L4D became Maplestory.
Sinfully one of the world’s most monotonous games ever, kill 1293123792103123781236128312 mushrooms so you can kill mushrooms with a yellow piece of paper on their face.
Even so the gameplay mattered not, and I forgot this by the end, it doesn’t matter what activity you partake with her, it only matters if she is happy doing it.
Being the dumb shit mother fucking retard I am, I decided to take unnecessary charge and convince a truly happy person that her happiness is fake and that games exist for the hunt, for achievement, and for rewards.
My solution was to find another more satisfying game with ‘better’ modern game features, request absolutely positively DENIED.
I was so young then, a child with no clue of what it had just done when it flushed dad’s rolex down the crapper.
But still I did migrate games to one more modern with all the trimmings – better graphics, gameplay, sound but something was missing that made all the difference.
What was missing was that thing I spent countless hours just staring at through the window… wishing, waiting, yearning.
I thought it was lost to me, that all that I had built had crumbled down to rubble. That’s how I felt inside. What was worst was how I couldn’t admit to myself that I was wrong, that the environment matters not but the person you experience it with does.
Someone up there seriously likes me because I was given a second chance, “You’ve been staying up late these nights”.
The meaning of these words are irrelevant, but their existence the importance cannot be stressed enough, these were the words I couldn’t utter myself.
With all life’s trials, nothing prepared me for what was to become one of the longest nights of my life.
The conversation was awkward, even by our standards and may even be ommitted for privacy’s sake.
Typing was a good option to break the ice, I asked her if she was about to sleep, the answer didn’t matter for I wanted to talk voice to voice and not with typing.
The tension was thick, thicker than my skull when all this happened. I was nervous. My leg shaking and palms sweating.
Still I persevered with flattery and empty words to steer the conversation and interest in my favour, but little could be said and little could be done.
I asked what the matter was, as I usually do, what’s the “next step”. I don’t know how many times i repeated those words that night, probably more then how many ghost mushrooms I slaughtered to get to level 25 in Maplestory.
I felt my efforts failing, my intentions unclear, the outcomes clear.. grow some man testicles or lose your chance forever.
The choice was simple – there was no way I would let things implode like this.
I gathered all my manliness and I came up with… “I think I like you”
….I think I fucking like you, what the flying fuck is that?
Out of the billion most romantic things to say, I chose second from the bottom just above “I want to rape you.“
I scratched my head not because of a response to stimuli but out of digust.. What have you just done Sam?
The silence was deafening, what would she reply? She asked me whether or not I thought she was happy about this.
HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?
My brain could barely process auditable words let alone compute emotions. Once again she proves herself to be the more mature adult and recites her little poem, I’m sure you know of it, it was on her blog.
Oh yeah little fact – I promised her not to read her blog till end of the year cos that’s when we thought we wouldnt be talking anymore.
After hearing it, all I could do was smile, sit in my chair and smile.
Not the small “Hey I found an Australian 2 dollar coin smile”, the “Hey the girl I have feelings for has feelings for me too” smile,
so it’s kinda like this :)))))))))))))))))))))))))
We talked hours into the night again about random stuff, most of which I can’t remember since I had a washing feeling of total euphoria.
And I finally realised I had stepped through the door, across the other side of the window and within reach.
Within reach of that girl.