What do I live for?

With regards to the rather random question I posted on my blog awhile ago…

I don’t know why this question has been bothering me so much recently -

“What’s the meaning of life?”

I used to say that my motto in life is to “Live. Love. Laugh. Nothing else matters” but then I asked myself..

How can I truly live my life to the fullest?

Will being easy-going and never having to worry about tomorrow (the way I live now) really grant me happiness?

I know for sure I’m one of the least stressed people you’d ever meet, even if my exams and deadlines were the next day but…

I just don’t feel a sense of self-fulfillment.

I don’t want to simply exist because I do, I want to exist for a purpose.

Sometimes I puzzle myself…

I love music, but I don’t sing or dance or play instruments really well.

I love food, but I sure as hell don’t know how to cook.

I love money… but I haven’t started earning very much on my own yet.

And the list goes on and on.

It’s frustrating – How come everything about me is just a little bit here and there?

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And now, the big question -

Is it too soon for a 17 year old to wonder what’s her purpose in life?

What is going to fill up all this emptiness inside and keep the fire burning?

Of course, my loved ones and good food keep me going and they are key factors to my happiness but we all need that special something else.

The kind of satisfaction that only you can give yourself, as it cannot be derived from others.

I haven’t quite found something I have a strong passion for, something that keeps me happy and satisfied while doing it.

It could be anything from a hobby to even voluntary work?

One reason why I’m so bothered is because Uncle John was telling me over dinner the other time how he donated a lump sum of money to some poor villagers in Thailand so that they could build proper dorms for the kids to live in.

And he started telling me about their awful living conditions…

And I started thinking.

Most of the time, I try to not think about less-fortunate people than me because I always tell myself that even god can’t save everyone and neither can I.

There’s no use feeling guilty over wasting a bowl of rice even though there’s starving children out there..

The way the world works is that even if one country had more than enough rice, it wouldn’t give the leftovers to the poorer country.

He told me about the voluntary work some of his friends had done and it struck me how useless I was/am being.

There are people sacrificing their time and making huge efforts to make lives that much better for less fortunate people.

Sacrificing WILLINGLY and apparently gaining immense satisfaction out of it, mind you.

And here I am, an intelligent girl with all parts of her body working fine, leading a comfortable life…
With not much direction in her life as of now, always complaining she’s bored.

All the time.

Bored of school, bored of work.. sounds familiar to you?

Sometimes guilty of not appreciating the blessings she has in life.

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I think the biggest sin I could ever commit is
not making the absolute best out of what I am and what I have.

Don’t I have better things to do?

Maybe voluntary work, maybe pick up a fulfilling hobby?

I don’t know… just anything to make me feel like I’ve been leading my life to the fullest and making as big a difference to the world as I can.

I don’t want to die being one of those randoms nobody actually gives a shit about because you’ve never really done anything nor accomplished anything worth remembering.

I don’t want to do average things all day and lead an average life whereby I study and study and study until I grow up then I work and work and work until I die.

I don’t want to be trapped in classrooms nor offices nor at home.

I don’t want life to just pass me by.

I don’t want to feel like life is something I’m trapped in.

I choose to live, we can all commit suicide if we find no meaning in life.

I feel like I’m meant for bigger, better things.


I know one day I’ll figure it all out…

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For a change, I’m starting to dislike the feeling of not caring about what’s going to happen tomorrow.

Because I don’t want tomorrow to be something I’d regret the day after.

Some people spend their entire lifetime just trying to figure out what the meaning of life is. Some even die not knowing.

I don’t want to be one of those people.

I like reflecting on myself, on my life and life itself.

I suppose it’s because reflecting on life is like going through a math paper for me - no matter how many times I’ve checked the same paper, there will always be new mistakes and answers I will find.

Some people talk about their destiny in life as though everything was already planned out for them by some mystical being of high power. That’s quite sad.

Does that mean you sit around waiting for something to happen to you?

I’d like to think that my destiny is what I create it to be.

I thought I’d add this meaningful and relevant quote to my post -

“It’s not about how many breaths you take, it’s about the moments that take your breath away”.

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“What is the meaning of my life / What do I live for?” -

Hopefully someday soon, I would have a great answer for this great question.